give your hundred percent in a relationship

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Anil,
Pls note the inserts in red (this would suffice) :)
anilsinghd said:
No i am actually neutral about your win or loss , but I am betting money on you losing the marble game implies that I am hopeful / wishful ( sorry no action related words i can put in ) that you will lose :p Aha! So, if you had been sure of my loss, you would have bet more than 10 euros?


True to self ( both the man and the woman ) :confused: , thats not difficult !

Happy together ? Tricky ! Very much! Thats why i said-Utopia, unless man is less than his 100% self, then they are sure to be happy!!!!;)



You want to add more color to your BOLD and CAPS reply of last time ?
Click to expand...
 
anjoo said:
Anil,
Pls note the inserts in red (this would suffice) :)
Click to expand...

I do believe in fat tails :p 10 was sort of breakeven with the info I had in hand!


I propose another thing , If girls stop thinking , all relationships would work , agree? :p
 
satydev ji its easier said than done.only a mom or sister or brother can do this otherwise in every other relation its mutual be it friendship, husband or wife.why to give hundred percent to a person who does not care for you.only bechara type of ppl can do this.if i care for some body i expect the same in return.i m not bothered if ppl call me selfish for this.
aryasatyadev said:
Rightly said by Akshay and Anjoo, There should be no playing games in a relationship, it is the name of giving and not demanding back........ If you love somebody, let him/her free..... if (s)he come backs to you, (s)he loves you, otherwise (s)he was never yours......
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ritu said:
satydev ji its easier said than done.only a mom or sister or brother can do this otherwise in every other relation its mutual be it friendship, husband or wife.why to give hundred percent to a person who does not care for you.only bechara type of ppl can do this.if i care for some body i expect the same in return.i m not bothered if ppl call me selfish for this.
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If it is only mom or sister or brother who provide 100% without any expectations.....then why people prefer their better half over their parents.

The two statements in red contradict each other. Is parental love free from expectations.
 
second one was general.....first one are exceptions to that. i do not know about the rest of world but for me i love my son my sister my brother unconditionally and can give my life for them .i do not know for which ppl you are talking (who prefer their better half over their parents).its not the matter of preference... for the sake of happiness of the married life they have to esplly men.
akshaymalik84 said:
If it is only mom or sister or brother who provide 100% without any expectations.....then why people prefer their better half over their parents.

The two statements in red contradict each other. Is parental love free from expectations.
Click to expand...
 
ritu said:
satydev ji its easier said than done.only a mom or sister or brother can do this otherwise in every other relation its mutual be it friendship, husband or wife.why to give hundred percent to a person who does not care for you.only bechara type of ppl can do this.if i care for some body i expect the same in return.i m not bothered if ppl call me selfish for this.
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Ritu Ji, the process will start by giving and not by expecting, for knowing about anyperson you should have faith in him/her and then if she/he betrays you then only the chain begins........
If anybody done any harm to you you should forgive him/her but never forget.......
If he/she does it again and you are letting it to be done to you then you are a fool......
PS : Here you is not personification but used in general....
Regards
 
ritu said:
second one was general.....first one are exceptions to that. i do not know about the rest of world but for me i love my son my sister my brother (some one is missing)unconditionally and can give my life for them .i do not know for which ppl you are talking (who prefer their better half over their parents).its not the matter of preference... for the sake of happiness of the married life they have to esplly men.
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Happiness = Reality - Expectations

No further comments.
 
anilsinghd said:
Akshay , i tried hard but really could not gulp down the equation.

Would you be kind enough to elaborate / substantiate :)


Thanks,
anil
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Anil, it may be odd one but....

Happiness is not the absense of problems but the ability to deal with them.We feel happy when good things happens around us.

Reality is all about good things and bad things happened to us during our lifetime.If good thing happen then its fine and if something goes wronge,try to find out the solution if you can(there will always be one no matter whether you like it or not).

Expectations (from others especially in a relationship) may be root cause of all evils/problems. If we can solve these problems then its fine if we can't then take those problems (may be a relationship) out of your life.It may hurt but in the end you will be happy both ways(one for yourself and second for whom you are parting away).

Assumptions: This equation may only be true in case of relationship. Because in relationship people expect from others. I am not taking my own expectations in considerations here.

This is what i think and trying to apply myself to this theory, but it is very hard to enter in a relation without expectations.

P.S. I am using "May be" in most of the statements because i too am not 100% sure about the implementation of this equation.
 
anilsinghd said:
Akshay , i tried hard but really could not gulp down the equation.

Would you be kind enough to elaborate / substantiate :)


Thanks,
anil
Click to expand...

Anil try these...... check what suites you best:
Happiness = P + (5xE) + (3xH)
P stands for Personal Characteristics, including outlook on life, adaptability and resilience.

E stands for Existence and relates to health, financial stability and friendships.

H represents Higher Order needs, and covers self-esteem, expectations, ambitions and sense of humour.

and another more simplified version is attached as image to this post....
 
akshaymalik84 said:
Anil, it may be odd one but....

Happiness is not the absense of problems but the ability to deal with them.We feel happy when good things happens around us.

Reality is all about good things and bad things happened to us during our lifetime.If good thing happen then its fine and if something goes wronge,try to find out the solution if you can(there will always be one no matter whether you like it or not).

Expectations (from others especially in a relationship) may be root cause of all evils/problems. If we can solve these problems then its fine if we can't then take those problems (may be a relationship) out of your life.It may hurt but in the end you will be happy both ways(one for yourself and second for whom you are parting away).

Assumptions: This equation may only be true in case of relationship. Because in relationship people expect from others. I am not taking my own expectations in considerations here.

This is what i think and trying to apply myself to this theory, but it is very hard to enter in a relation without expectations.

P.S. I am using "May be" in most of the statements because i too am not 100% sure about the implementation of this equation.
Click to expand...


Hi Akshay ,
many thanks for the revert.


I am asking a few more questions , please take them and try and answer , i hope you will excuse my inquisitiveness.

I very much agree with you on how do you view life and look at expectations. You suggested to take out the relationship / proble, out of life if there is no solution or dead end.
I just happened to watch love aaj kal movie ( if you did not watch it , it is a love story where the partners do not accept that they are in love for the most part and try to love away from each other but in the end and even after going too far as that the girl even got married , they did realise that they cannot live without each other! )
I agree that might be a fairy tale , do you at all believe in that ? I mean it is very much possible for a relationship to get that important and deep that its kind of dificult to be away but thats the only solution.

What as per you is the happiness in this case , is the person in question doomed to be unhappy , is their a way out ?


You defined happiness = reality - expectations


What are your views if i say reality = happiness - expectations. or in other words , happiness = reality + expectations!
My argument in favor of my equation is that most of the times in life we start in a very happy state , new things are exciting! You take any thing in general , affair , realtionship , college , job ! Most of us are excited at the beginning but as time goes on , it gets routine , problems start popping up !
I would say we had certain expectations from the thing we were doing , eg we thought that the job will give me that opportunity etc blah blah ! or the college is going to give me a chance to prove myself or fulfill myself or on a lighter note , to start a affair :d ;) , and that is probably the
reason behind the happiness we have! But slowly with time the expectations start fading out and so is the happiness going down , this can only be explained by the eauation i wrote :) , a proportional relationship between the two variables ?

:)

thoughts on that !!



PS: totally appreciate what you have to say , life is so varied that we can reach the same conclusion different ways so i will be very happy to learn your perspective , apologies again for the contradictory views :)

cheers,
anil
 
aryasatyadev said:
Anil try these...... check what suites you best:
Happiness = P + (5xE) + (3xH)
P stands for Personal Characteristics, including outlook on life, adaptability and resilience.

E stands for Existence and relates to health, financial stability and friendships.

H represents Higher Order needs, and covers self-esteem, expectations, ambitions and sense of humour.

and another more simplified version is attached as image to this post....
Click to expand...


Hi Satya Dev , first of all , thanks for the post :) and the information.


First equation looks great :) i agree ... happiness can be attributed principally to the things in the equation , actual composition might depend on person specific things!!


is this a particular theory ? Can you refer me to the details , should bea good read!


thanks again ,

anil
 
anilsinghd said:
Hi Satya Dev , first of all , thanks for the post :) and the information.


First equation looks great :) i agree ... happiness can be attributed principally to the things in the equation , actual composition might depend on person specific things!!


is this a particular theory ? Can you refer me to the details , should bea good read!


thanks again ,

anil
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Certainly Anil bhai, the theory is not mine to say the least;) , I came across it and thought of posting in this thread. There are some questions also which determines the happiness level, you can find all that at:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/2630869.stm
 
jakhar77 said:
What is happiness, please see the link.
http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/what-is-happiness

i find it quite reasonable and a good reading.
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Thank you Jakhar ji for the link !
It was indeed a good read.

A couple of points that struck me are below and i also explain myself on that , i invite yourself and others to discuss the same if you so wish :)

==== quote =============
In fact, a strong positive relationship between job status/income/wealth and happiness only exists for those who live below the poverty line and/or who are unemployed.
==============================
I believe this is the uncertainty factor , the factor of the unknown , the excitement of the same. When we do not know the feeling of something its always very exciting. Like take an example : for a person who has not travelled , going abroad is something that comes with a lot of excitement but if he starts doing the same over and over again , it is normal.
similar thing can be siad about eating out in a 5 star restaurant , till the pint you actually taste the food , you think it will be like a heaven on earth or alike. Its like chasing a dream and when you reach / live the dream , the dream is no longer there and it becomes a reality but the excitement and the passion for it is not the same as it used to be!
I believe this is very much self feeding and you can call it greed , craving or watever but it cannot be controlled , probably the only thing we can do is to either snoothen the journey or mould the destination , perhaps I must have reiterated it N number of times on this forum , but if we try and look for averages in behaviour whether its the passion towards a particular thing as well , it would be much smoother than it is generally! Agreed that the excitement that is generated along the way will be less but so will be the disenchantment at the destination also :)






===========quote======================
- Past - When thinking about the past, people who are happier pay attention to what is 'good' about the past rather than focusing on the unhappy times. They are grateful, forgiving, and don't believe that the past will determine what happens in the future.
=========================================

Very tricky and interesting this one , i am a behaviorist and believe that we all learn from our surroundings , events around us and our past ! Events that have happened shape our behavior ! So probably this part weighs more than other things , classical duell between the people believe in the geentic nature of things and the behaviourits :) i choose to stay with the behaviourists club:)
 
anilsinghd said:
Hi Akshay ,
many thanks for the revert.


I am asking a few more questions , please take them and try and answer , i hope you will excuse my inquisitiveness.

I very much agree with you on how do you view life and look at expectations. You suggested to take out the relationship / proble, out of life if there is no solution or dead end.( i will be very happy if you could suggest any other alternative)
I just happened to watch love aaj kal movie ( if you did not watch it , it is a love story where the partners do not accept that they are in love for the most part and try to love away from each other but in the end and even after going too far as that the girl even got married , they did realise that they cannot live without each other! )
I agree that might be a fairy tale , do you at all believe in that ? I mean it is very much possible for a relationship to get that important and deep that its kind of dificult to be away but thats the only solution.(Can't comment on Imtiaz Ali thoughts)

What as per you is the happiness in this case , is the person in question doomed to be unhappy , is their a way out ?


You defined happiness = reality - expectations


What are your views if i say reality = happiness - expectations. or in other words , happiness = reality + expectations!(Very much true if all your expectations are fullfilled till now)
My argument in favor of my equation is that most of the times in life we start in a very happy state , new things are exciting! You take any thing in general , affair , realtionship , college , job ! Most of us are excited at the beginning but as time goes on , it gets routine , problems start popping up !(Here i was talking about the expectations(no expectations) in relationship, Other things like college, job and affair are your own expectations(from yourself).It's easy to replace these things but difficult to replace the relationship(at least for me)
I would say we had certain expectations from the thing we were doing , eg we thought that the job will give me that opportunity etc blah blah ! or the college is going to give me a chance to prove myself or fulfill myself or on a lighter note , to start a affair :d ;) , and that is probably the
reason behind the happiness we have! But slowly with time the expectations start fading out and so is the happiness going down , this can only be explained by the eauation i wrote :) , a proportional relationship between the two variables ?(hmmm.......you can twist your variables according to the situations)

:)

thoughts on that !!



PS: totally appreciate what you have to say , life is so varied that we can reach the same conclusion different ways so i will be very happy to learn your perspective , apologies again for the contradictory views :)( it's very nice of you to share your thoughts on such a sensitive and esteemed issue.I agree with you about the different path that people take to reach happiness. Never apologise for your thoughts)

cheers,
anil
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Here is another equation ....i hope you will understand it ......

H = O/D

H= Happiness,
O= Objects that you posses
D= Desires

Zero Desires infinite happiness.( Learned from a Saint)
More objects(Ghar,gaadi, bangla,money, sexual gratification....etc) more happiness.
Less desires more happiness.More desires less happiness.
 
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