Angreji ki issi tissi

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dkumars

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These are some dialogs said by teachers and professors who are not so
good at ENGLISH.



" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

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"i'm going out of the world to america.."....lol...

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"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

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dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be
fallen down.....

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" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

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teacher in a furious mood...
write down ur name and father of ur name!!

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"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

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"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"

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"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board

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"will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"

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" IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

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"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

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tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

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"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

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when a code was wirtten wrongly
"i understand. u understand.computer how understand??

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:p;):D
 
Why is you tried to breakings the leg of the English ? Do you not liked this language or you not know this language ?
 
You will forget English Now

you will foregt your english by the time you finish reading this.
This is the true essay written
by a promising cadidate at the UPSC examination (IAS). The candidate has
written an essay on INDIAN COW :
INDIAN COW

He is the cow. "The cow is successful animal. Also he is 4
footed, and because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when
he got child.] He is same like god, sacred to hindus and useful to
man. But he is got 4 legs together. Two are foreward and two are
afterwords.His whole body can be utilized to use.More so the milk.
Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement [ horse don't have any
such attachement]
What can it do? various ghee,butter,cream, curd why and the
condensed milk and so forth.Also he is useful to cobbler, waterman and
mankind generally.His motion is slow because of he is lazy species,
also his other motion....gober is much useful to rees,plants as well
as for making flat cakes [pizza], in hand and drying in the sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating.
Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the
inside of the mouth.He is incessantly in the meadows in the
grass.His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially
so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he
causes the weapons to be paralled to the ground of the earth and
instsatly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tail also,
situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs
on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the
flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are so soft unto the touch. So the grasses
head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking on the ground
and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other
relatives. This is the COW........

we are informed that the candidte passed the exam, and is now the IAS
somewhere in India.
 
Thode se or tod dyun soon

In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an
English woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster.
She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In
England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for "*Western Closet*".
She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.
The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "*Wayside
Chapel*"(chapel means small church) near the house. . A bathroom never entered their minds.

So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from
the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC
as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There
were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angle. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.
You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster
The Woman fainted reading the reply........and she never visited India!!!
 
Meja nahi a reha tha ab ki baar aaya shayad

In Tamil Nadu , A well Known Person, Mr Jeppier,Chairman of Self finance Engg Colleges Association ,who is always speaking in English¦
So Sathyabama college Students have Collected & published the Book Jappier's Spoken English. Enjoy ...........with his..............English..............
Now, here are some classic English sentences from the great Lecturer Mr. Jeppiar.
The stalwart talks to his students:
# At the ground:
-----------------
All of you stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon..
The girl with the mirror please comes her...{Means: girl with specs please come here).
# To a boy, angrily:
---------------------
I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?
# While punishing students:
-----------------------
You, rotate the ground four times...
You, go and understand the tree...
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO .....(?)
# Sir at his best:
---------------
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see onee of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them.
So the next day at s school... (to that boy) - "Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"
# Sir at his best inside the Class room:
----------------------------------------------
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
You, meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
This one is cool >> "Both of u three get out of the class."
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today...
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....
Last but not the least some Jeppiar experiences ...
Once Sir had come late to a college function, by the time he reached, the function had begun, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).
At Sathyabama college day 2002:
"This college strict u the worry no .... U get good marks, I the happy, tomorrow u get good job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry I the enjoy"
At fresh years day 2003:
"No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police"
 
sanjeetsparp said:
you will foregt your english by the time you finish reading this.
This is the true essay written
by a promising cadidate at the UPSC examination (IAS). The candidate has
written an essay on INDIAN COW :
INDIAN COW

He is the cow. "The cow is successful animal. Also he is 4
footed, and because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when
he got child.] He is same like god, sacred to hindus and useful to
man. But he is got 4 legs together. Two are foreward and two are
afterwords.His whole body can be utilized to use.More so the milk.
Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement [ horse don't have any
such attachement] ... hahahahahahahhahahaha hehehehehhe ... marr ge bhai haas haas kay
What can it do? various ghee,butter,cream, curd why and the
condensed milk and so forth.Also he is useful to cobbler, waterman and
mankind generally.His motion is slow because of he is lazy species,
also his other motion....gober is much useful to rees,plants as well
as for making flat cakes [pizza], in hand and drying in the sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating.
Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the
inside of the mouth.He is incessantly in the meadows in the
grass.His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially
so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he
causes the weapons to be paralled to the ground of the earth and
instsatly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tail also,
situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs
on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the
flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are so soft unto the touch. So the grasses
head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking on the ground
and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other
relatives. This is the COW........

we are informed that the candidte passed the exam, and is now the IAS
somewhere in India.
Click to expand...
hahahahaha ... ghana bhunda marya bhai
 
Adding on to this

statement i have heard ,which was hilarious....................(similar to the one's coated)
Can i have you for dinner tonight( inviting for dinner or want to eat us...)
 
dkumars said:
These are some dialogs said by teachers and professors who are not so
good at ENGLISH.

"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"


:p;):D
Click to expand...

Most intersting of all....wish all principals do same.....:p:D;)

Cow essay is also gr8......:D:D:D
 
Angreji

ek baar ek tau ke ghani e english bolen ka cha tha ... ek baar us ne mehnat te kuch kuch word seekh bhi liye ... Kutta - Dog, Sona - Sleep .... ek din ghooman laag reha tha gaam main .. te ek kutiya soti dikh gi poli aage .... Tau ne sochi aaj te kaadh le man ki .. logan tahin beta de ke tu bhi angreji jaane se ..tau bolya

Dogger (Kutiya):eek::confused: today sleep~e sleep ... good good very much good:D


 
has somebody added :


my head is eating circles :D


@ sandeep : bhai yo chutkula manne kimai is tarah suna tha !!

ek baar ek bateu apni susraad mein jaata hai !!!

to uska saala use kheton mein ghuma ke laata hai !
jab woh waapas ghar aa raha hota hai ki kcuh impression jamaya jaaye angreji bol ke !!

to jab woh darwaaje pe aata hai to wahan ek kutiya so rahi hoti hai !


to he says :


dogni dogni :D :Dsleeep le sleep le !:D :D tere bhi days aa rahe sain !!:D :D
 
If you think that is bad, here is the example of worst..from a Gora American who happens to be a Division Chief with US Govt. Someone wrote a gov't policy paper on potable water, this idiot in his wisdom said, "There is no commodity like potable water, please check your dictionary" then goes and changes from potable water to portable water. Even worse, it got published in federal register as a Fed Govt Policy, it was years before the error was realized and it was changed.

This intelligent soul has left Govt service now much to relief of his department.
 
Katii Angrejii ki leg ki breaking hi kar dii ! :p

Aur Sanjeet ji ne to kasam khayi hai seat pe jhatke dilwaane ki ! While i was reading the Cow's essay and then that WC one........ I had to find a place to hide my laugh, and I started pretending as if I am searching something in an Almirah and that almirah gave me a corner to hide my face which had turned red owing to a great laughter spree !
 
ek real time kissa ...

ek baar ek bahut mehnati worker tha ek bank main or Boss ki Angreji main fees maaf thee meri terah ....
Employee ki Service book main Boss likha na chave the ...." ye bahut kaam kerta hai or kaam ke liye office main hi so jata hai"
he wrote in his service book.
"The Employee works hardly and sleeps in the office"


neeche wala chora od hai .....

ek or Angreji " oh mama uren aa tere tahin kecha paani dyunga"

Mothers brother come here i will pay you
 
or shweta ji .... mere naam aage ji jya mat laya kero ..... ye ji jya te paani ke jenaaweere hon hain er main te dharti pe do paayaan chaalya karoon.... aap ki terah
 
sanjeetsparp said:
or shweta ji .... mere naam aage ji jya mat laya kero ..... ye ji jya te paani ke jenaaweere hon hain er main te dharti pe do paayaan chaalya karoon.... aap ki terah
Click to expand...


par bhai mere jiss ne bhi ji ja lana hai laa dyo beshak ... par ji arr ja mein space mat do :p:D;):)
 
my aunt always says ......whenever there is a spark in the electric lines..

Taar main loosens hai tightly nahi jodi joint......

er pher main or mera chacha ek doosre ne dekhya keraan .... na wo bechara kuch bol pate or unki haalat dekh ke main chup ho jata hoon
 
Shopping vs Marketing

Hi All,

I came across this kinda of funny stuff 4 years ago.

One of my batchmate got selected for Infy and she was going to bangalore. She asked me to meet her at delhi railways station. I went there and her father was there.

I started chatting with him. He said that he was very busy Yesterday.

I asked why?

He said.. "Market gaya thaa beti ke Marketing karne. kafi jagan(places) gaya par kuch achi deal nahin mili" :confused::confused::confused::confused:

Mera toh hans hans ke pet paat gaya hota uss din.....:D:D
 
Seedhe seedhe .... no taang tod .. per taang kisi or ki tooti

The Perfect Husband...

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on
a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and
began to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather
coat. It's only Rs.10,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005
models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "Rs 70,00,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year
is back on the market. They're asking Rs.1,10,50,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 1,10,00,000. They
will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 grand. It
really
is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"


MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."


The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him
in astonishment, mouths agape.....


He smiles and asks:



-

-

-

-

-

-

-

"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to??????"
 
Rameej Raja :

Pakistani cricket player , fomer captain , now comeentator !


Always says :


Both the two batsmen are playing very well :D:D:D:D
 
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