divorce and kids

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ritu

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people get married and sometimes they do get along well and get divorced.its fine,but when parents get divorced.....its really life altering and emotional experience for a child.We went to a party last weekend and i saw two very young kids whose american mom recently divorced their indian dad.kids are now living with their dad and grandma has come to help him in raising them.both the kids are so cute ...... younger one may be 2 yrold and the elder one 3yr.
last yr someone in our neighborhood got divorced and i was telling my husband about that then my son intervened and said no mommy that can not be true their kids look so normal....i wont look normal if u guys ever get divorced.
 
Ritu, it is part of present day life. It is better to separate if you can not pull along together. The life of kids will be worse if the parents do not separate and live togeher and fight every day like dogs. Atleast, kids will be a little better. I do agree that kids need love of both parents but some kids are unfortunate.
 
Well Ritu Ji,

I totally agree with u, it is really a life altering experience. Even I've seen so many cases here and i can say in 90% cases, children involved in failed marriages developed wrong habbits, became arrogant and stubborn. whereas on the other side kids in a successful marriage outshines everyone.
 
Virtue of Relationship is missing somewhere and the adverse affect on children is its result

and it doesn't sound good what Yoginder said....better to get separate.....then what the guys do at the time of finalising any partner....at that time considerations are something else, but when it comes about relationship then the expectations get changed.....why not to sit and think with cool mind and avoid hasty decision.....life is meant to sacrifice.....but not in the manner what people sacrifice in courts

Marriage is a 'sense of responsibilty'....that's what i feel....if one take it in some other meaning then its obvious clashes will arise

baaki yahi kahungi.....neither the males are behind in the race and nor the females want to lag behind.....this western culture had marked a very bad impact even in our country
 
As long as the love will be at Bodily level, these things will continue.

Love should at spiritual level, things will improve automatically. Fundamental basics of marriage today is mere entertainment.

Like Nike says.....Just do it....
 
ritu said:
people get married and sometimes they do get along well and get divorced.its fine,but when parents get divorced.....its really life altering and emotional experience for a child.We went to a party last weekend and i saw two very young kids whose american mom recently divorced their indian dad.kids are now living with their dad and grandma has come to help him in raising them.both the kids are so cute ...... younger one may be 2 yrold and the elder one 3yr.
last yr someone in our neighborhood got divorced and i was telling my husband about that then my son intervened and said no mommy that can not be true their kids look so normal....i wont look normal if u guys ever get divorced.
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That Indian father must've had a good lawyer and the mother a total loser. In most cases in America and rest of the world, custody of kids goes to mother.
 
fundcom said:
As long as the love will be at Bodily level, these things will continue.

Love should at spiritual level, things will improve automatically. Fundamental basics of marriage today is mere entertainment.

Like Nike says.....Just do it....
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jai ho!!!!
karda gyan baant diya guruji!!
 
ygulia said:
It is better to separate if you can not pull along together. The life of kids will be worse if the parents do not separate and live togeher and fight every day like dogs. Atleast, kids will be a little better. I do agree that kids need love of both parents but some kids are unfortunate.
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choudharyneelam said:
Virtue of Relationship is missing somewhere and the adverse affect on children is its result

and it doesn't sound good what Yoginder said....better to get separate.....then what the guys do at the time of finalising any partner....at that time considerations are something else, but when it comes about relationship then the expectations get changed.....why not to sit and think with cool mind and avoid hasty decision.....life is meant to sacrifice.....but not in the manner what people sacrifice in courts

Marriage is a 'sense of responsibilty'....that's what i feel....if one take it in some other meaning then its obvious clashes will arise

baaki yahi kahungi.....neither the males are behind in the race and nor the females want to lag behind.....this western culture had marked a very bad impact even in our country
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Well again i would emphasise the individuality of a specific case , though I would say i have a couple of "couples" who faked better than the best of actors , but the life is more worse than any hell u can imagine.
First the burden of the relationship that they have been shouldering unwillingly and next the trauma of faking it to everyone else.

Would really say that it is better to separate than keep carrying this burden for the rest of your life.
:)

I read an article probably a couple of years back that nearly 75 % of married ladies in India are having forced sex with their husbands ( not to arise any controversies , but was an newspaper article ) , well for sure for petty reasons one cannot destroy the sanctities of the institution of marriage but if the reasons are beyond one's capabilities , it is a better option to separate.
:)

Thought the first steps should be of compromise and efforts to constitue a strong bond.
 
anilsinghd said:
First the burden of the relationship that they have been shouldering unwillingly and next the trauma of faking it to everyone else.

Would really say that it is better to separate than keep carrying this burden for the rest of your life.
:)
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agreed about the individuality case

but its better if one can calculate and become committed to the made decisions before forming any relationship.....willingness and unwillingness matter will then be sorted out easily

also i agree with ur another mentioned point (the similar kind shown in movie provoked)....now that's the brutal behaviour....in that case one need to raise the voice whether the person is his/her spouse or in-laws
 
Considering Kids welfare point of view, divorce is a very very selfish act of the parents. That is what I have experienced this evening. A very sad example of how one parent has poisoned the mind of the young son against another parent.One or both parents become so blind in the pursuit of there revengeful attitude that the impotence of child's welfare and normal development lost completely. In this particular case both parents are Indian. The young son is living with the mother who doesn't allow the father to see his son. Even the grandfather, who his currently here was not allowed to see his grandson. I don't want to pin point the fault but the child is the real loser.
 
Interesting Topic:

An interesting topic, with diverse views. That is the beauty of a complicated issue. Harmony of marriage, and the welfare of children both are equally important and you tend to agree with one side depending upon the perspective you have of the issue.

Definitely, the love of both the parents is important for children to have a better childhood. I don’t think any one of us would disagree on this issue. However, what is more important is the atmosphere at home. If the two parents can’t love each other, how effective their love would be for the children. Love itself is a complex subject matter. We see love, with different perspective all the time.

To me, no matter what you do, the adjustment to the situation or adaptability to the realities of life is the key to a successful marriage. Love is in giving away some thing, but more often than not, we expect more in love than what we can give out. Every one does not act on emotions, specially if one has been brought up in a materialistic society. To expect some one to change when we ourselves are not willing to budge an inch is an insult to the very fabric of love. While so many of us are writing on this subject, I wonder how many of us are actually willing to give more than what we expect from our partners in return (me included). To me the essence of love is in giving. If you love some one, don’t expect any thing back. Any love based on any condition is just not love.

I think the children would be better of with one parent, rather than with two parents if they are fighting and calling names all the time. It will bring a very poor effect on the children and might make their behavior violent.

It is because of this reason, people advocate the marriages in similar society. Since both wife and husband have grown in almost similar values and culture, it is that much easier to adjust. But again within the same cultures, the atmosphere and the values in each family would greatly affect the behavior of the people. It is because of this reason a lot of importance was being given to the “KHANDAN” by our elders.
 
I really feel sorry for these kids and especially when they are teenagers and see their parents getting married again to a person half of their age.I have seen life of a teenager jat girl ruined when her parents get divorced and her dad married a a girl half his age....she(daughter) left medical school and her studies....
 
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choudharyneelam said:
agreed about the individuality case

but its better if one can calculate and become committed to the made decisions before forming any relationship.....willingness and unwillingness matter will then be sorted out easily

also i agree with ur another mentioned point (the similar kind shown in movie provoked)....now that's the brutal behaviour....in that case one need to raise the voice whether the person is his/her spouse or in-laws
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Hi Neelam ji , let's try and converge.

First in Indian context , there aint a lot of choices and time before making these very crucial decisions of life.

A meeting a two aint enough to know someone.

Next , Still the Indian women has not reached a stage where she can shout about the things like the one we are talking about , and even if she does , no one would buy her idea.
:)
 
If husband and wife are not able to go along together after making every effort which includes counselling too. It is wise to get separated as early as possible because it is good for kids in the long run. I do not understand why indian community still consider divorce a taboo. It is common sense that 100% of marriages can not be successful, there will always be a chance for error(means failure of marriages). Still success rate of marriages among indian community is far higher than the western world. We Indians are too sentimental and this weakness affects are decision making and we take too much time to decide in such matters. Time is an important factor to take the decision of separation. Once you are sure that you can not pull together, it will be better to get divorced immediately. This is my personal view.
 
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What about finances. where will the woman live (with her kids) if she has little money, no job, or a job that does not pay well. How will she support herself and the kids?
I think finances play avery large role in women not getting divorce from their husbands.
I think finances played the most important role about a generation and back when women were not part of the workforce in numbers such as now.
I think lots of women then took abuses from their husbands because they had no financial support.
Were they going to go back to their parents house to live and get support from their old father to pay for their kids education?
Some might have done that.
What if the father had other daughters in similiar situation?
what if the father could not afford to keep his other daughter who wanted to move away from his abusive husband?
When 2 parents don't get along, it is the children who suffer the most.
They might adopt different strategies to cope living in an abusive environment.
Some may come out stronger but even then they will carry the anger rest of their lives.
I think most will not develop a healthy personality. They may withdraw into themself, may not be able to express themselves effectively etc. etc.

It is better to separate if 2 people can't get along in marriage, engaged in daily fights, and the sooner the better, because time passes away very quickly before you know it.
I heard it not easy to get divorce in India? I heard it can take a long, long time.
 
sumitsehrawat said:
Source: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/...d_woman_seeks_divorce/articleshow/3427954.cms

"There was nobody to help me. I wanted to get rid of this man many years back but I remained quiet because that would have spoilt my daughter's life. But now she is married and well settled, so I want a divorce from him," Bimla said with tears in her eyes.
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This is one side of the story. Even if we assume that facts are true then she acted too late. It also appears from the fact that it is not the fight for divorce but the fight for property.
 
I'm very much satisfied with the replies of Satyepal Sir and Col. Virendra

Regarding Anil's reply, i do agree that chances and options are constraint with time factor but that's what i stated earlier....selection and finalisation of the partner is made on some other basis and expectations regarding relationships is then put-forth on the other basis....that becomes the reason for conflicts

next thing i again agree that we ladies usually keep mum just for the sake of respect of our beloved and sometimes even for our sake....KHANDAN ki baat yahan bhi apply hoti hai....but still there are few like what directed in Provoked (its related to a real life story of a punjabi woman, who is now contributing for woman's rights)

Yoginder again arriving at some unacceptable points....for that i'll only say....better not to have kids....making their life vulnerable for which they never deserved.....sorry for writing so harsh....why little kids should bear all such nonsense which was already happening before their birth (everybody is aware of one's gap of understanding).....atleast that can be taken into consideration if one really feel for their children....nahin to main bhi yahi kahungi ki such couples are SELFISH....good for nothing

and again i would like to recall Col. Virendra's words....adjustability and acceptability is the best solution
 
yes gulia ji fight for the property but for who ...her daughter.
ygulia said:
This is one side of the story. Even if we assume that facts are true then she acted too late. It also appears from the fact that it is not the fight for divorce but the fight for property.
Click to expand...
 
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