divorce and kids

[jitendershooda]

Jitender bhai , probbaly I didnt state the question properly , I am saying in general if we can have choice to implement only these two scenarios as a law lets say which has to be universally followed , then which case would you opt for.

Words donot clear the others mind sometimes ... perhaps I didnt got them proper ...

I wish to change my opinion now ... .... will go for 2.

(Sath rahekar dono jindagiyan kharab karne se behtar hai ki alag ho jaen ... Sadte hue riston se kum dardnak toote hue riste hein ... Shayad.... jispe beete wohe bata sake hai asliyat to)

 

[ritu]

meri samjh me te ebb bhi na aayi.

Words donot clear the others mind sometimes ... perhaps I didnt got them proper ...

I wish to change my opinion now ... .... will go for 2.

(Sath rahekar dono jindagiyan kharab karne se behtar hai ki alag ho jaen ... Sadte hue riston se kum dardnak toote hue riste hein ... Shayad.... jispe beete wohe bata sake hai asliyat to)

 

[ygulia]

ye jhutthi ego....kitne gharo ka naash kara de hai.kai baar to ma baap hi uksaate hai aur khaas kar ke saas ye ab chahe ladke ki ho ya ladki ki.meri ek friend ki jindaggi ka oski ma ne satyanaash kar diya.vo bhi aisse hi roos kar gyi thi sasural se aur issi rasakashi me ki na vo hi aayega len kabbhi nahi ja paayi waapis.ladki ka brainwashkar diya ma ne.aaj vo ladka dobara shaadi karke khushi se rah raha hai aur vo becharri akell hai budde ma baap ke saath.itni sundar(kurukshetra unviersity ki os batch ki sabse sundar ladki thi) aur intelligent ladki ka ye hashr hua.

Ritu, who made this decision( in red). The woman itself made the decision and that too influenced by her mother. Haryan mei aadhi shadi to bade budho ki naak ki wajah se hi bigad jaati hai. I have no sympathy with such a foolish adult person..........jo apne hi perr per kulaaddi marte hai..........

 

[jitendershooda]

meri samjh me te ebb bhi na aayi.

ha ha ... Ritu ... yo Anil nue boojhey se ...

Tum in donua mein te konsa point theek samjho so ... 1 ya 2

1) aadmi er aurat ne ek ee option se ek tumne nibhani se kukare bhi ....
2) Agar un ne nue lage ek bhai thari na nibh rahi ... to alag ho jyan ...

Anil, theek samajhi ek nahi?

 

[ritu]

bhai manne to ita bera hai in optiona ka hi rolla hai.jukar ma baap er bhai bahan ki trah is rishte me bhi koi options na hotti to yo thread likhan ki naubat hi na aati meri.

ha ha ... Ritu ... yo Anil nue boojhey se ...

Tum in donua mein te konsa point theek samjho so ... 1 ya 2

1) aadmi er aurat ne ek ee option se ek tumne nibhani se kukare bhi ....
2) Agar un ne nue lage ek bhai thari na nibh rahi ... to alag ho jyan ...

Anil, theek samajhi ek nahi?

 

[ritu]

baat hryana ki nahi hai ye kashmiri family thi.aur dono family kaafi aache se jaanti thi ek dusre ko shaadi se pahle.janpahchan me shaadi hui thi

Ritu, who made this decision( in red). The woman itself made the decision and that too influenced by her mother. Haryan mei aadhi shadi to bade budho ki naak ki wajah se hi bigad jaati hai. I have no sympathy with such a foolish adult person..........jo apne hi perr per kulaaddi marte hai..........

 

[jitendershooda]

bhai manne to ita bera hai in optiona ka hi rolla hai.jukar ma baap er bhai bahan ki trah is rishte me bhi koi options na hotti to yo thread likhan ki naubat hi na aati meri.

Ritu, ya baat te ghane gyaniya aali kahe di .... sachi ye Asaram har te ooen logan ne bhakate hande sein ... ha ha

Soch ke dekho je issa sa scene ho ... ek ram chore tahi chori er chori tahi chora eke tare dharti pe ... er doosra jibbe thyave je kime ghat-badh ho jya pahelde gailan ... to ghana jee sa aa jya ... ye judge baithey makhi marein aadhey te ....
Talle talli ki dhalan nue hona chahiye kime system sa ek bina doosre ne raji rakhe koe raji na rahe sake .... bus pher nue hove ek ke te ekle pade raho nyare (kyun doosra koe aave na dhore ... ha ha) er ke apne ee partner ne raji rakho ...

 

[deepshi]

agreed

right said

Words donot clear the others mind sometimes ... perhaps I didnt got them proper ...

I wish to change my opinion now ... .... will go for 2.

(Sath rahekar dono jindagiyan kharab karne se behtar hai ki alag ho jaen ... Sadte hue riston se kum dardnak toote hue riste hein ... Shayad.... jispe beete wohe bata sake hai asliyat to)

 

[deepshi]

right again
quite practical u guys..

I felt that there is a bias/stereotype that generally a man is responsible for discord in the family. I also meant that a woman with ugly features can be highly manipulative and scheming - trying to hold on to the husband. And vice versa for a pretty women too.
Children suffer the most and it is better to separate/divorce then to stay just for the sake of sanskars/society etc.
Many times people just carry on unable to make a final decision. Before you know it, lot of time has already passed and children are grown up! and both parents are old!
I veered off the topic. Carry on.

I will opt for case 2.

 

[spdeshwal]

A lady of European origin, a divorcee, in her late fifties, mother of a 19 years old girl
works in my supermarket.
One afternoon, she looked a bit sad when came to work .
I asked her, " hey Caroline, how are you, why do you look so sad" ?
She replied, " yes sateypal, i am sad"!
She told me that when she left home, her young daughter was very sad.
I asked Why? She said, " she has just separated from her boy friend"
Her dad(Caroline's Ex husband) was suffering from cancer and there is no hope, only matter of time. She was so much attached with him.
Caroline explained, her daughter needed a hug and She failed to do that as she was in a rush so that she wouldn't miss the tram to work.
A surge of emotion passed through me. I exclaimed, oh Caroline, you should have given a "jadu ki jampi' ( majical hug) to her.
I explained her , what does mean by a jaddu ki Jhampi.
i could visualise the emotions going through her mind when she turned her half tearfull eyes from me!

This is just one incident. Not long before, I had seen a young girl shattered after she lost a $10 wish Card ( A food voucher from some NGO). She was feeling so insecure, shattered by that and yelling, how I am going to get my food? Oh my God I was so touched by the girls plight, I questioned myself
How and why this young girl is in such a sorry state? Why the the parents have done this to her? How selfish and cruel the parents would have been?

There are hundreds and thousands of young people who need somebody's comforting arms, a majical hug.

Therefore Anil bhai i would go for answere 111111111111.........
I mean no options. The couples should have no other option but stay together. Sacrifice their bloody egos, comforts, lust or whatever for their kids. They are responsible to bring those kids in this world and it is their bloody responsibility to raise them to the best of their ability.


I shall cont..

 

[shweta123]

Case 1:
Would both men an women should have an outlook that come waht may they need to survive the relation ( which is a blessing if they are loving and caring , a good thing if the initial contradictions and confrontations are momentarily and with time and efforts the relationship develops into a good one but an ultimate disgust/pain for life if there aint any compatibility of if the relationship ideally should not survive )?

Or

Cant get the meaning clearly .....


But if it is about being patient & tolerant for some time at the very onset of the feelings to get separated, then I will say its Option 1 - neither because it sounds Indian or ethical in spirit nor because its about being patient or is a wait & watch sort of situation, but because the whole act of marriage ..... lemme explain it like this :

A person is in marriageable age. May be he or she really wants to marry or quite possible that being lured by continuous pressure of the elders they have made up their minds to marry (excuse the cases of forced marriages).

Then he or she based on personal likings and/or parental guidance selects a match finally .......

And now the date has been decided.

He or she waits for that date with all sorts of fears, excitements, eagerness, anxiety etc ..... emotional outburst sort of situation ....

In the meanwhile he finds whole of the world congratulating him .....

Then the day arrives and after much pomp & show, heartbeats ringing, presence of all near & dear ones and with lots of whats, hows, & whys the marriage is finally over... or must say it starts !!

After such a huge sequence of events & emotional swings can it be possible for any couple to get apart so easily? Wont it be a lifelong wound? Wont it hit the mind time & again that ki aaj wo hota/hoti to kya hota ..... agar usne ye samajha hota to ......

It isnt that easy ..... rather .... its very painful .....very very !!

~~

~~~

Option 2 seems to be wise only if nothing works at all, but in all other cases its Option 1.

 

[prashantacmet]

Cant get the meaning clearly .....


But if it is about being patient & tolerant for some time at the very onset of the feelings to get separated, then I will say its Option 1 - neither because it sounds Indian or ethical in spirit nor because its about being patient or is a wait & watch sort of situation, but because the whole act of marriage ..... lemme explain it like this :

A person is in marriageable age. May be he or she really wants to marry or quite possible that being lured by continuous pressure of the elders they have made up their minds to marry (excuse the cases of forced marriages).

Then he or she based on personal likings and/or parental guidance selects a match finally .......

And now the date has been decided.

He or she waits for that date with all sorts of fears, excitements, eagerness, anxiety etc ..... emotional outburst sort of situation ....

In the meanwhile he finds whole of the world congratulating him .....

Then the day arrives and after much pomp & show, heartbeats ringing, presence of all near & dear ones and with lots of whats, hows, & whys the marriage is finally over... or must say it starts !!

After such a huge sequence of events & emotional swings can it be possible for any couple to get apart so easily? Wont it be a lifelong wound? Wont it hit the mind time & again that ki aaj wo hota/hoti to kya hota ..... agar usne ye samajha hota to ......

It isnt that easy ..... rather .... its very painful .....very very !!

~~

~~~

Option 2 seems to be wise only if nothing works at all, but in all other cases its Option 1.

I am really impressed !!

 

[anilsinghd]

Thanks!

Appreciate the responses of all


And specially Jitender for making that extra effort to try and understand , yes you got it finally what I was trying to ask. My apolgies for not making it clear enough in the first place.


=============

Not taking this to arguments or replies to Satyepal Sir and Shweta : I truly appreciate word by word of what you said.
Shweta , that was really a livid description of what the parties of marriage go through emotionally and mentally.

I at times do dwell on such and similar issues because they do keep coming from somewhere ( you hear them from your friends , parents or someone ). I have always been perplexed by the kind of aura and the hype and the heightened talks about this wonderful relation.

As Ritu and Jitended in parts have suggested that why do not we have things in this relation similar to we have in relation with our parents and siblings.
Well i also understand that the realtion is one with lot of emotions and connection all levels of human existence ( physical , mental , emotional , spiritual ) but still I guess we would fare better if we make a genuine effort to lever down the mystic that surrounds this relations. That is exactly the reason I am always with the option 2 I proposed and suggested because that can play a very handy role in
1. Making this relation a bit delevered as compared to its today's situation.
2. Making both the partners realise that one cannot arbitrarily stretch out the things.

A point I put forward to all is that being humans all would try to first make the relation work ( Exceptions are there , but we should always consider the mainstream cases as they are more in number ) , the problem with the present day scenario is that ina ll these cases where there is a rift one of the partners has stretched things too much and the reason I can think off is probably due to the fact that there is so much security with him/her that such strentches wont bother.
Lets remove that special sense of security and probably we can see people trying not to overstrain the realtionship.


Cheers,
Anil

 

[ygulia]

Appreciate the responses of all


And specially Jitender for making that extra effort to try and understand , yes you got it finally what I was trying to ask. My apolgies for not making it clear enough in the first place.


Cheers,
Anil

Anil, I read your comments but could not identify your stand. Could you please write in plain language about your own option and why you justify it?
Option 1 already exists in India because you run from piller to post even then you can not get divorce if one party is adament on saying no. Usually it is woman who says no, man gets advantage of her no. Therefore even in option 1 women suffers because of her own foolishness and ultimately kids also suffer.

 

[ritu]

sir...foolishness kah lo,sanskar kah lo,bujdilli kah lo,sar pe chaat ka lalach kah lo,duniya ke taano ka darr kah lo,kimme kah lo......par case no 1 ki woman ko koi farak nahi padta onme se adhiktar pati ke ghar dolli me jaan aali er arthi me likdan alli ho se.aapki ma ,meri ma er onki ma sab case 1 ki hi thi.

Anil, I read your comments but could not identify your stand. Could you please write in plain language about your own option and why you justify it?
Option 1 already exists in India because you run from piller to post even then you can not get divorce if one party is adament on saying no. Usually it is woman who says no, man gets advantage of her no. Therefore even in option 1 women suffers because of her own foolishness and ultimately kids also suffer.

 

[amans]

How does divorce process works in India?
Do both parties have to agree on divorce?
Is there a third option?
I mean there can be many more scenarios.

For example What if One parent suppose the husband does not care about the children.
Say the husband has had a bad childhood and unloved he became a sadist! Possible isn't it?
So He is cruel towards his wife and children both?
And he won't agreee to divorce?
Then what to do in this case?

Another scenario:
Suppose the husband is meek and earns less money then the wife.
Now suppose the husband dots on his children but suppose the wife only cares about her father/mother and her siblings.
Suppose She just does not care about her children.
Then what?
Husban goes along the charade of a happy marraige because he does not earn enough money to support his children and he is just a meek person dominated by his wife.
His excuse being ab to bachhe ho gayee ab kaise divorce loon?
I think it is just an excuse but then the person who has to go through this knows better.
What should they do in this case.

Forget about sanskars. Real life is different and unpredictable.