^^ JATland community mail box ^^

[brahmtewatia]

everyone out here is receiving a lot of personal mails in their mail boxes...viz gmail, yahoomail, hotmail etc etc.

thought abt the idea, to b prudent enuff to open a general JATland community mailbox where u can pour in all yr. junk/crap/gud thoughts or watever u feel like sharing with fellow JATlanders. i've seen tht folks out here, bringing sucha mail frm their mailbox nd start a new thread. well m not criticizing the idea, sum gud mails do deserve to b started as a new thread.

...at the same time, i guess this'll also help in avoiding excess load to JATland server

 

[brahmtewatia]

Safety tips for boozers

[FONT=&quot]i give a kick-start with sum symptoms/causes/cure...all in all, sum safety tip for boozers
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] 1. Symptom: Cold & humid feet.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (and you are pouring the drink on your feet).[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Cure: Manoeuvre glass until open end is facing upward.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Cause: You're lying on the floor facing upwards.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Cure: Quickly refill with your favourite beverage.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

4. Symptom: The floor is moving.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Cause: You're being dragged away.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Cause: You have your glass against your ear.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Cure: Slowly lift the glass and place it on the table.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Cause: You're in an ambulance.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

7. Symptom: Your family is giving you seriously funny looks.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Cause: You're in the wrong house with the wrong family.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

:rock:tamatar:thappad
[/FONT]

 

[brahmtewatia]

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.

1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake

:rock:rock

hehehehe

 

[samarkadian]

Braham ji time for you to start new thread(s) out of JL e-mail box.

On author's request, this thread is being opened again.

 

[prashanthooda]

It's morning now and all girls are soon going to reply this post (to hunt you).
Please use all safety precautions, bcz nobody will be able to save you this time, even moderators are be not in position to escape you. :tamatar :boxing
Mind Hunters are on the way and this time you are the target not the moderators D)

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.

1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake

 

[skarmveer]

What a great observation and correct most of the time.

Brahm Bhai,

Aapney tey kati photo ter dee hai cash withdrawal kee, Maan gai bhai you are really a great ovserver.

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.

1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake

:rock:rock

hehehehe

 

[rakeshsehrawat]

Bengali
One Bengali = poet.
Two Bengalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team
**********
Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna ...
**********
Punjabi
One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.
**********
Mallu
One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.
**********
UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.
**********
Gujju
One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus = Bombay 's noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.
**********
Andhraite
One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey ..
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.
**********
Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.
**********
Tamil-Brahmin
One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = Maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = Queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara
**********
Mumbaiya
One Mumbaikar = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Mumbaikars= film studio.
Three Mumbaikars = slum.
Four Mumbaikars = The number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.
**********
Sindhi
One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar ...
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.
**********
Marwari
One Marwari = The neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta
Three Marwaris = Finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = Threaten the Jews as a community.
**********
Haryanvi
One Haryanavi = tube light
Two Haryanavi = agriculture
Three Haryannavi= Lathi squad
Four Haryanavi = actually just one was enough

 

[vivekdh]

bhram ji ne kaha tha Crap likho tu to senti e ho gaya rakesh

Bengali
One Bengali = poet.
Two Bengalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team
**********
Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna ...
**********
Punjabi
One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.
**********
Mallu
One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.
**********
UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.
**********
Gujju
One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus = Bombay 's noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.
**********
Andhraite
One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey ..
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.
**********
Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.
**********
Tamil-Brahmin
One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = Maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = Queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara
**********
Mumbaiya
One Mumbaikar = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Mumbaikars= film studio.
Three Mumbaikars = slum.
Four Mumbaikars = The number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.
**********
Sindhi
One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar ...
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.
**********
Marwari
One Marwari = The neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta
Three Marwaris = Finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = Threaten the Jews as a community.
**********
Haryanvi
One Haryanavi = tube light
Two Haryanavi = agriculture
Three Haryannavi= Lathi squad
Four Haryanavi = actually just one was enough

 

[shweta123]

Family Problem ....

दो व्यक्ति एक बार में बैठे थे ......एक ने कहा
...." यार.... बहुत फेमिली प्रॉब्लम है "..

दूसरा व्यक्ति : तु पहले मेरी सुन........

मैंने एक विधवा महिला से शादी की जिसके एक लड़की थी ...
कुछ दिनों बाद पता चला कि मेरे पिताजी को उस विधवा महिला कि पुत्री से प्यार है ....और उन्होने इस तरह मेरी ही लड़की से शादी कर ली ...

अब मेरे पिताजी मेरे दामाद बन गए और मेरी बेटी मेरी माँ बन गयी....और मेरी ही पत्नी मेरी नानी हो गयी !!

ज्यादा प्रॉब्लम तब हुई जब जब मेरे लड़का हुआ ..अब मेरा लड़का मेरी माँ का भाई हो गया तो इस तरह मेरा मामा हो गया .......

परिस्थिति तो तब ख़राब हुई जब मेरे पिताजी को लड़का हुआ ....मेरे पिताजी का लड़का यानी मेरा भाई मेरा ही नवासा( दोहिता ) हो गया और इस तरह मैं स्वयम का ही दादा हो गया और स्वयम का ही पोता बन गया .....

......." और तू कहता है कि तुज्हे फेमिली प्रॉब्लम है ??????????? :rock

 

[bislas]

...................................................

दो व्यक्ति एक बार में बैठे थे ......एक ने कहा
...." यार.... बहुत फेमिली प्रॉब्लम है "..

दूसरा व्यक्ति : तु पहले मेरी सुन........

मैंने एक विधवा महिला से शादी की जिसके एक लड़की थी ...
कुछ दिनों बाद पता चला कि मेरे पिताजी को उस विधवा महिला कि पुत्री से प्यार है ....और उन्होने इस तरह मेरी ही लड़की से शादी कर ली ...

अब मेरे पिताजी मेरे दामाद बन गए और मेरी बेटी मेरी माँ बन गयी....और मेरी ही पत्नी मेरी नानी हो गयी !!

ज्यादा प्रॉब्लम तब हुई जब जब मेरे लड़का हुआ ..अब मेरा लड़का मेरी माँ का भाई हो गया तो इस तरह मेरा मामा हो गया .......

परिस्थिति तो तब ख़राब हुई जब मेरे पिताजी को लड़का हुआ ....मेरे पिताजी का लड़का यानी मेरा भाई मेरा ही नवासा( दोहिता ) हो गया और इस तरह मैं स्वयम का ही दादा हो गया और स्वयम का ही पोता बन गया .....

......." और तू कहता है कि तुज्हे फेमिली प्रॉब्लम है ??????????? :rock

 

[shweta123]

everyone out here is receiving a lot of personal mails in their mail boxes...viz gmail, yahoomail, hotmail etc etc.

thought abt the idea, to b prudent enuff to open a general JATland community mailbox where u can pour in all yr. junk/crap/gud thoughts or watever u feel like sharing with fellow JATlanders. i've seen tht folks out here, bringing sucha mail frm their mailbox nd start a new thread. well m not criticizing the idea, sum gud mails do deserve to b started as a new thread.

...at the same time, i guess this'll also help in avoiding excess load to JATland server

hahahahha .Orkut per ek saal pahle circulate ho gayi hai ye problem.!!!!

Mr. Sanjeev, first read what the thread is talking about and then comment and I am telling you straight you dont ever comment on any of my posts please. else ......... let this else stay undefined in case you dont wish to be in some serious problem !

 

[bislas]

mr. Sanjeev, first read what the thread is talking about and then comment and i am telling you straight you dont ever comment on any of my posts please. Else ......... Let this else stay undefined in case you dont wish to be in some serious problem !

11111111111111111111111111111111

 

[dkumars]

Mr. Sanjeev, first read what the thread is talking about and then comment and I am telling you straight you dont ever comment on any of my posts please. else ......... let this else stay undefined in case you dont wish to be in some serious problem !

ohhh Main to der gya!!

Cool down guys. You both are well educated and good families but still fighting like cats and dogs.

One is a doctor and another a CA but still such kind of threats and in reply mein toh darr gaya. Behave yourself guys.

 

[sumitsehrawat]

Doctor sahab... maana ki aapko bhot fikar hai ladkiyo ki aur aap accha kaam kar rahe hai aisi posts likh ke... http://www.jatland.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25810

aapki jaan kaari ke liye bata du ki sann 2003 me meri pehli naukri ke dusre din ki mere inbox me ye email forward aa yai thi...

isme first line me hi likha hai " A woman at a GAS nightclub (Mumbai) before couple of weeks was taken by 5 men".... ye pichle kam se kam 5 saal se "couple of weeks" pehle hi 5 men tuha le jaate hai woman ko nightclub se.

but theek hai fir bhi maan liya ki acchi email hai ... ladkiyo ko saavdhaan kar rahi hai unke bachaav ke liye... but aajkal zamaana badal gaya hai aur ab ladko ko bhi khatra hai... aap Nightclub regularly jaate hai????... kam se kam aapka to bhachaav karva du main.... pls apni drink khud lena... drink unattended mat leave karna... aur josh josh me aake kissi ladki ki jhoothi drink mat pee lena... and for Jatland's sake kissi ladke ki jhoothi bhi mat pee lena... pink color me likhi aapne post... ouch!!

pata nahi par lag raha hai bhagwan shayad zyaada khush nahi hai aajkal aapse... "What you do for others is your gift to God"

hahahahha .Orkut per ek saal pahle circulate ho gayi hai ye problem.!!!!

 

[sumitsehrawat]

Oops!! Dr. Sanjeev!

Mr. Sanjeev

 

[vivekdh]

sarre ND hai kitte o lath tha ke khade ho jaa hain

 

[bislas]

.................................................

Doctor sahab... maana ki aapko bhot fikar hai ladkiyo ki aur aap accha kaam kar rahe hai aisi posts likh ke... http://www.jatland.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25810

aapki jaan kaari ke liye bata du ki sann 2003 me meri pehli naukri ke dusre din ki mere inbox me ye email forward aa yai thi...

isme first line me hi likha hai "A woman at a GAS nightclub (Mumbai) before couple of weeks was taken by 5 men".... ye pichle kam se kam 5 saal se "couple of weeks" pehle hi 5 men tuha le jaate hai woman ko nightclub se.

but theek hai fir bhi maan liya ki acchi email hai ... ladkiyo ko saavdhaan kar rahi hai unke bachaav ke liye... but aajkal zamaana badal gaya hai aur ab ladko ko bhi khatra hai... aap Nightclub regularly jaate hai????... kam se kam aapka to bhachaav karva du main.... pls apni drink khud lena... drink unattended mat leave karna... aur josh josh me aake kissi ladki ki jhoothi drink mat pee lena... and for Jatland's sake kissi ladke ki jhoothi bhi mat pee lena... pink color me likhi aapne post... ouch!!

pata nahi par lag raha hai bhagwan shayad zyaada khush nahi hai aajkal aapse... "What you do for others is your gift to God"

 

[rahultokas]

Rasgulley bhai.. manney JL join karyaa jibb... tai sabhtey pehlaam yohey " A woman at a GAS nightclub (Mumbai) before couple of weeks was taken by 5 men, who according to hospital and police reports, gang......................" thread gerrii thee... aagley dinn login karyaa tai yaa thread paayee e konyaa.. hahahahahha... jibb tai samajh mai naa aayee mere akk k hoyaa??


waise DAAKTARR SAAHAB tai aapney theek samjhaa diyee.. kimmey aa jaa tai unnkey DImaakk mai..

Doctor sahab... maana ki aapko bhot fikar hai ladkiyo ki aur aap accha kaam kar rahe hai aisi posts likh ke... http://www.jatland.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25810

aapki jaan kaari ke liye bata du ki sann 2003 me meri pehli naukri ke dusre din ki mere inbox me ye email forward aa yai thi...

isme first line me hi likha hai "A woman at a GAS nightclub (Mumbai) before couple of weeks was taken by 5 men".... ye pichle kam se kam 5 saal se "couple of weeks" pehle hi 5 men tuha le jaate hai woman ko nightclub se.

but theek hai fir bhi maan liya ki acchi email hai ... ladkiyo ko saavdhaan kar rahi hai unke bachaav ke liye... but aajkal zamaana badal gaya hai aur ab ladko ko bhi khatra hai... aap Nightclub regularly jaate hai????... kam se kam aapka to bhachaav karva du main.... pls apni drink khud lena... drink unattended mat leave karna... aur josh josh me aake kissi ladki ki jhoothi drink mat pee lena... and for Jatland's sake kissi ladke ki jhoothi bhi mat pee lena... pink color me likhi aapne post... ouch!!

pata nahi par lag raha hai bhagwan shayad zyaada khush nahi hai aajkal aapse... "What you do for others is your gift to God"

 

[rahultokas]

.........................

 

[brahmtewatia]

It's morning now and all girls are soon going to reply this post (to hunt you).
Please use all safety precautions, bcz nobody will be able to save you this time, even moderators are be not in position to escape you. :tamatar :boxing
Mind Hunters are on the way and this time you are the target not the moderators D)

not to worry... thank god it's Friday !!!