singhabhimanyu
New member
हा हा हा भिघन्न. हिलारिअस! हा हा हा हा हा हा कमाल कर दिया अक्षय.
देखिये भाई जितेंदर मान इस जाटलैंड के अक्षय कुमार नै.....
देखिये भाई जितेंदर मान इस जाटलैंड के अक्षय कुमार नै.....
^^ JATland community mail box ^^
- Thread starter brahmtewatia
- Start date
Tumse pyaar karte karte hamne kar diya crime....
Tumse pyaar karte karte hamne kar diya crime....
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." 1 is neither composite nor prime"..................Leel -2
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Agar dava chahiyetoh dhundo koi chemist....
Agar dava chahiyetoh dhundo koi chemist....
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My NAME IS KHAN and I AM NOT A TERRORIST......OJUS/Dheeraj/Whatever
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yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....
yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....
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Cameraman praful ke saath Upendra Singh AAJ TAK.....
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woh mujhe chod ke chali gayi usse pana mein chahun....
woh mujhe chod ke chali gayi usse pana mein chahun....
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ahun ahun ahun
ahun ahun ahun ------VJ
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mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
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ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano Rahul babu.....Rakesh to Gandhis
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Akbar ne kharide 3-3 ghode..
Akbar ne kharide 3-3 ghode..
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aja aja dil nichode ....
raat ki matki phode......Mann(JO aaj kal ghudsawar ban rya hai pahlyan wo gajarpak banaya karta)
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mein hoon yahan tu hai wahan...
mein hoon yahan tu hai wahan..
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LIFEBUOY hai jahan tandurusti hai wahan.....Deepak and Leel -1(About to become south indians,Anna raskalaaaaaaaaa)
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Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna...
Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna...
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BASANTI in kuton ke samne mat nachna.....Pannu (He can even watch Quick Gun Murgan)
PS: This is a copy paste stuff. I did not edit anything here.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha....maaar diya rai haasa haasa kai...jabardast bhai...hahahahahahahahaha
brahmtewatia
Active member
brahmtewatia
Active member
... another problem caused by deforestation
About Driving in India: This hilarious article was written by an Expert from Baan, Netherlands who spent two years in Hyderabad.
Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows:
Do we drive on the left or right of the road?
The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality.
Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.
Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in
town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or, just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.
Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwaters to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.
Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote.
This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.
Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.
One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive, as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I sound hypercritical; I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving
in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house.
This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for
year-end accounting.
Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Chenghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate.
You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically.
This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just a statement of physical relief on a hot day.
If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone home and The citizen is then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in our constitution.
Having said all this, isn't it true that the accident rate and related deaths are less in India compared to US or other countries!!? ?
Driving in India
For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry
visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar,where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.
For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry
visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar,where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.
Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows:
Do we drive on the left or right of the road?
The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality.
Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.
Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in
town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or, just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.
Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwaters to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.
Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote.
This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.
Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.
One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive, as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I sound hypercritical; I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving
in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house.
This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for
year-end accounting.
Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Chenghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate.
You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically.
This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just a statement of physical relief on a hot day.
If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone home and The citizen is then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in our constitution.
Having said all this, isn't it true that the accident rate and related deaths are less in India compared to US or other countries!!? ?
upendersingh
New member
Last edited:
Last edited:
akshaymalik84
Active member
Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between "Potentiality" and "Reality"?"
Dad: "I will show you"
Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?
Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"...
Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million dollars?
Daughter:" Wow! Yes! he is my fantasy!"
So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"?
Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"
So the father turns back to his younger son saying: "You see son, "Potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in "Reality" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.
Dad: "I will show you"
Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?
Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"...
Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million dollars?
Daughter:" Wow! Yes! he is my fantasy!"
So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"?
Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"
So the father turns back to his younger son saying: "You see son, "Potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in "Reality" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.
sunillathwal
New member
singhabhimanyu
New member
हा हा हा हा हा भिघन्न. हिलारिअस.. दूसरा धमाका हा हा
Too much into Technology
[/CENTER][/CENTER]
No I can't tell which is the best, all are same to me, as I can't see the pictures
akshaymalik84
Active member
brahmtewatia
Active member
ahahaha !
here is one from my side... this sardar is zabardast.
++++++++
Two Radical Pakistanis boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat...
Just before takeoff, a Sardarji sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, Sardarji kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Paki in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.' '
Don't get up,' said the Sardarji , 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'
As soon as he left, one of the Paki picked up the Sardarji's shoe and spat in it.
When the Sardarji returned with the coke, the other Paki said, 'That looks good, I'd really like one, too.'
Again, the Sardarji obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Paki picked up the Sardarji's other shoe and spat in it.
When the Sardarji returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the Sardarji slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Paki neighbors . . .
'Why does it have to be this way?
How long must this go on . . . ?
This fighting between our nations . . . ?
This hatred . . . ?
This animosity . . . ?
This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes . . . ???'
here is one from my side... this sardar is zabardast.
++++++++
Two Radical Pakistanis boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat...
Just before takeoff, a Sardarji sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, Sardarji kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Paki in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.' '
Don't get up,' said the Sardarji , 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'
As soon as he left, one of the Paki picked up the Sardarji's shoe and spat in it.
When the Sardarji returned with the coke, the other Paki said, 'That looks good, I'd really like one, too.'
Again, the Sardarji obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Paki picked up the Sardarji's other shoe and spat in it.
When the Sardarji returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the Sardarji slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Paki neighbors . . .
'Why does it have to be this way?
How long must this go on . . . ?
This fighting between our nations . . . ?
This hatred . . . ?
This animosity . . . ?
This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes . . . ???'
rakeshsehrawat
New member
Why Gujarati do good in any field
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for
Microsoft Europe.
5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah.
Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2000 people leave the room.
Kantibhai says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose
if I stay. I'll give it a try'
Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100
people may leave.
2000 people leave the room.
Kantibhai says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have
nothing to lose if I stay.
what can happen to me?' So he stays....... ......
Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.>
500 people leave the room.
Kantibhai says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but
what have I got to
lose?' So he stays in the room..
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak, Serbo - Croat to
leave.
498 people leave the room.
Kantibhai says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of
Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?'
So he stays and finds himself with One other candidate.
Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two
candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a
conversation together in that language.'
Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says, `Kem Chhe Bapu ?
... The other candidate answers 'Ekdam Majama !!
brahmtewatia
Active member
that reminds me of a dialogue from the movie "kareeb"... बेटा राम परसाद कुछ सीखो !
brahmtewatia
Active member
Time Magazine's quote on Sachin Tendulkar
Time Magazine's quote on Sachin
"When Sachin Tendulkar travelled to Pakistan to face one of the finest bowling attacks ever assembled in cricket, Michael Schumacher was yet to race a F1 car, Lance Armstrong had never been to the Tour de France, Diego Maradona was still the captain of a world champion Argentina team, Pete Sampras had never won a Grand Slam. When Tendulkar embarked on a glorious career taming Imran and company, Roger Federer was a name unheard of; Lionel Messi was in his nappies, Usain Bolt was an unknown kid in the Jamaican backwaters. The Berlin Wall was still intact, USSR was one big, big country, Dr Manmohan Singh was yet to "open" the Nehruvian economy. It seems while Time was having his toll on every individual on the face of this planet, he excused one man. Time stands frozen in front of Sachin Tendulkar. We have had champions, we have had legends, but we have never had another Sachin Tendulkar and we never will."
Time Magazine's quote on Sachin
"When Sachin Tendulkar travelled to Pakistan to face one of the finest bowling attacks ever assembled in cricket, Michael Schumacher was yet to race a F1 car, Lance Armstrong had never been to the Tour de France, Diego Maradona was still the captain of a world champion Argentina team, Pete Sampras had never won a Grand Slam. When Tendulkar embarked on a glorious career taming Imran and company, Roger Federer was a name unheard of; Lionel Messi was in his nappies, Usain Bolt was an unknown kid in the Jamaican backwaters. The Berlin Wall was still intact, USSR was one big, big country, Dr Manmohan Singh was yet to "open" the Nehruvian economy. It seems while Time was having his toll on every individual on the face of this planet, he excused one man. Time stands frozen in front of Sachin Tendulkar. We have had champions, we have had legends, but we have never had another Sachin Tendulkar and we never will."
sanjeev_balyan
New member
Time Magazine's quote on Sachin
"When Sachin Tendulkar travelled to Pakistan to face one of the finest bowling attacks ever assembled in cricket, Michael Schumacher was yet to race a F1 car, Lance Armstrong had never been to the Tour de France, Diego Maradona was still the captain of a world champion Argentina team, Pete Sampras had never won a Grand Slam. When Tendulkar embarked on a glorious career taming Imran and company, Roger Federer was a name unheard of; Lionel Messi was in his nappies, Usain Bolt was an unknown kid in the Jamaican backwaters. The Berlin Wall was still intact, USSR was one big, big country, Dr Manmohan Singh was yet to "open" the Nehruvian economy. It seems while Time was having his toll on every individual on the face of this planet, he excused one man. Time stands frozen in front of Sachin Tendulkar. We have had champions, we have had legends, but we have never had another Sachin Tendulkar and we never will."
Gr8, excellent writeup
and frozen era for him is still continued
upendersingh
New member
कूड़ा बीनने वालों को क्या ए.टी.एम. का इस्तेमाल करने का हक़ नहीं???
है...
है...
akshaymalik84
Active member
There once was a magic mirror which would kill your if you lied to it. One day a brunette was doing her makeup and said to herself "I think I'm the smartest woman ever!" She immediately dropped dead. The next day a redhead was doing her hair and said to herself "I think I'm the prettiest woman alive!" She immediately dropped dead. Finally, the following day, a blond was flossing her teeth. She stopped and said to herself "I think," and dropped dead