Ok so this is the much delayed concluding part of the story I posted a while ago. Please do add your two bits on how you liked it. Any drawbacks/suggestions/constructive criticisms are welcome. For those of you who didn’t read the first part of the story, I’m posting it again here:
Dude’s Dilemma
When the hell did we come to this?!! I wondered as I traipsed along the thin lane around the City Park. Little shoots of grass propping up in between sheets of rock, adamant to claim their own space under my feet. I come here often when I am pissed off or just tired. In fact this is where I first met her.
She had come to walk her dog and I, well, I had screwed up big time at work and had got a protracted thrashing from my boss. After doing over time I had somehow managed to save my ass and was driving home when I saw her on the way, entering the gates of City Park… and walking straight into my heart. I halted and parked the car. Now, I am not a loser who stalks PYTs on his way home, but she was something else. The day was yet to break. In those early morning hours, I saw her for the first time in the street light, with her dog devoutly walking beside her.
I was smitten. Quite like her dog, if you may. Her dark tresses were guiding the light breeze over her shoulders; her eyes had an unmistakable twinkle, perfectly complementing her complexion as smooth as white doves. It was surreal like a fairytale. Still in my formal clothes, I followed her.
I remember what a big fool of myself I had made when she noticed me, asking her the time with my Timex blatantly staring at her from under my sleeve. She frowned and walked away. That very instant, I swore to make her mine.. and consequently, change our lives forever.
I started going for early morning walks from next day onwards. Just to catch a glimpse of her, till I could muster up the courage to actually go up to her and make a conversation. It took me about two and a half months. Her dog was a sweet creature and he seemed to like me. He would roam freely while she took her rounds and then join her at the bench when she wiped her face with her lovely lucky pink towel. That day, her dog wandered over to me and started hovering around my feet as I stopped to catch my breath after a jog.
“Doosie, lets go baby”
I turned and froze as her gaze locked mine.
“er.. hi, I.. er.. he’s a lovely dog”
Was all I could mutter under my breath. Miraculously, she smiled. “Yeah, she is,” she beamed. “Do you also have a dog?”
“Uh.. sadly, no. My work doesn’t allow me to have such luxuries” I was slowly retaining my normal self. Talking to this angelic beauty was not as hard as I had imagined it to be. Or perhaps it was the warmth of her smile that made me melt and be at ease.
And the rest is history. We met, and met again, till it became a way of life. It was my first real serious relationship. I was ecstatic. Now all those Hindi love songs suddenly started to make sense. I found myself humming at odd times and the world actually looked perfect! No wonder, I was in love. Even better, she was in love with me!
Now, after almost two years of eternal bliss, my relationship is on rocks. You see, she wants to get married.
I have always feared the M word. Perhaps it has something to do with the deep rooted fear of commitment. My past brushes with relationships didn’t give me much insight into it. My first gf back in school had left me because I had forgotten her Birthday. The second left me for her Boss, who was a charming women in her 30ies. Although I still think she was more ambitious than gay, but oh well. My third gf left me for a German Hippie we had met on our trip to Goa. She had the real spunk, that woman. I mourned the loss of my sex life more than anything else after she left. The brief flings that followed are all a blur.
I love her. No doubt in that. But I don’t see any point in tying the knot when we are perfectly happy living-in together. Ever since she’s started talking marriage, things have been pretty rough. And here I am in this park where my life had changed, wondering what went wrong..
Disclaimer: The writer does not claim any any-depth understanding of the male psyche, nor does she possess any expertise in writing. It would help a lot if you could tell her faults/weak points in the above piece. Thank you.
...................................................................................................
Dude’s Dilemma – concluding part.
Reality check. So what is it that I really want? And more precisely, do I want to get married? Its been crazy, this past week. After a long day at work I always used to look forward to a quiet dinner with her at home, but the last couple of days it had been different. I constantly dreaded she’d raise the subject over the dinner table. Or worse still, in bed. God forbid! What will I say if she asks me while I’m lost in her eyes or holding her close? And so, I need to confront myself.
What does a man want? A woman who loves him for who he is. Who doesn’t make a fuss of every little thing. Who just lets him be. Someone whom he doesn’t need to impress. She is that woman. What I love most about her is that as much as she is strong and comforting in my times of need, she’s also surprising vulnerable when she tells me about anything that bothers her; and I know that instant that she needs me. My child-woman.. at work she’s the most confident, no-nonsense woman a guy could meet, and yet, I know she’s a simple girl who’s mushy in love and has a soft heart. The way her eyes light up when she talks on issues she feels strongly about, the way she tilts her head and murmurs “I love you” at most unexpected moments, the way she embraces me when I’ve had a bad day, how she can lie quietly in my arms for hours never wanting to let go; what is it that’s holding me back?
Love is when you can share your silence with someone without feeling awkward. I share much more with her. The day we moved in together I never thought of marriage. That seems strange in retrospect. Strange because where is this relationship leading to, if not to the kind of trust and understanding life-long relationships are based upon? What was I thinking? I guess that’s where the problem lies – I never did think. I was too busy living it.
Before I met her all I had was a heavy pay-check and a cozy house. She rendered meaning to both, and to my life. I think the reason why I still wasn’t ready for marriage was because there’s always this nagging fear at the back of your head when you love someone so much – the fear of not being worthy of that person, the fear of hurting her, the fear of betraying her. But then, that’ll always be there. What I can do is to make up my mind on whether I can take the plunge and not let the fear take its toll on our relationship.
The doubts need to be laid to rest. I want to spend my life with her. That is the whole truth.
And I opt to face it.
Dude’s Dilemma
When the hell did we come to this?!! I wondered as I traipsed along the thin lane around the City Park. Little shoots of grass propping up in between sheets of rock, adamant to claim their own space under my feet. I come here often when I am pissed off or just tired. In fact this is where I first met her.
She had come to walk her dog and I, well, I had screwed up big time at work and had got a protracted thrashing from my boss. After doing over time I had somehow managed to save my ass and was driving home when I saw her on the way, entering the gates of City Park… and walking straight into my heart. I halted and parked the car. Now, I am not a loser who stalks PYTs on his way home, but she was something else. The day was yet to break. In those early morning hours, I saw her for the first time in the street light, with her dog devoutly walking beside her.
I was smitten. Quite like her dog, if you may. Her dark tresses were guiding the light breeze over her shoulders; her eyes had an unmistakable twinkle, perfectly complementing her complexion as smooth as white doves. It was surreal like a fairytale. Still in my formal clothes, I followed her.
I remember what a big fool of myself I had made when she noticed me, asking her the time with my Timex blatantly staring at her from under my sleeve. She frowned and walked away. That very instant, I swore to make her mine.. and consequently, change our lives forever.
I started going for early morning walks from next day onwards. Just to catch a glimpse of her, till I could muster up the courage to actually go up to her and make a conversation. It took me about two and a half months. Her dog was a sweet creature and he seemed to like me. He would roam freely while she took her rounds and then join her at the bench when she wiped her face with her lovely lucky pink towel. That day, her dog wandered over to me and started hovering around my feet as I stopped to catch my breath after a jog.
“Doosie, lets go baby”
I turned and froze as her gaze locked mine.
“er.. hi, I.. er.. he’s a lovely dog”
Was all I could mutter under my breath. Miraculously, she smiled. “Yeah, she is,” she beamed. “Do you also have a dog?”
“Uh.. sadly, no. My work doesn’t allow me to have such luxuries” I was slowly retaining my normal self. Talking to this angelic beauty was not as hard as I had imagined it to be. Or perhaps it was the warmth of her smile that made me melt and be at ease.
And the rest is history. We met, and met again, till it became a way of life. It was my first real serious relationship. I was ecstatic. Now all those Hindi love songs suddenly started to make sense. I found myself humming at odd times and the world actually looked perfect! No wonder, I was in love. Even better, she was in love with me!
Now, after almost two years of eternal bliss, my relationship is on rocks. You see, she wants to get married.
I have always feared the M word. Perhaps it has something to do with the deep rooted fear of commitment. My past brushes with relationships didn’t give me much insight into it. My first gf back in school had left me because I had forgotten her Birthday. The second left me for her Boss, who was a charming women in her 30ies. Although I still think she was more ambitious than gay, but oh well. My third gf left me for a German Hippie we had met on our trip to Goa. She had the real spunk, that woman. I mourned the loss of my sex life more than anything else after she left. The brief flings that followed are all a blur.
I love her. No doubt in that. But I don’t see any point in tying the knot when we are perfectly happy living-in together. Ever since she’s started talking marriage, things have been pretty rough. And here I am in this park where my life had changed, wondering what went wrong..
….To be continued.
Disclaimer: The writer does not claim any any-depth understanding of the male psyche, nor does she possess any expertise in writing. It would help a lot if you could tell her faults/weak points in the above piece. Thank you.
...................................................................................................
Dude’s Dilemma – concluding part.
Reality check. So what is it that I really want? And more precisely, do I want to get married? Its been crazy, this past week. After a long day at work I always used to look forward to a quiet dinner with her at home, but the last couple of days it had been different. I constantly dreaded she’d raise the subject over the dinner table. Or worse still, in bed. God forbid! What will I say if she asks me while I’m lost in her eyes or holding her close? And so, I need to confront myself.
What does a man want? A woman who loves him for who he is. Who doesn’t make a fuss of every little thing. Who just lets him be. Someone whom he doesn’t need to impress. She is that woman. What I love most about her is that as much as she is strong and comforting in my times of need, she’s also surprising vulnerable when she tells me about anything that bothers her; and I know that instant that she needs me. My child-woman.. at work she’s the most confident, no-nonsense woman a guy could meet, and yet, I know she’s a simple girl who’s mushy in love and has a soft heart. The way her eyes light up when she talks on issues she feels strongly about, the way she tilts her head and murmurs “I love you” at most unexpected moments, the way she embraces me when I’ve had a bad day, how she can lie quietly in my arms for hours never wanting to let go; what is it that’s holding me back?
Love is when you can share your silence with someone without feeling awkward. I share much more with her. The day we moved in together I never thought of marriage. That seems strange in retrospect. Strange because where is this relationship leading to, if not to the kind of trust and understanding life-long relationships are based upon? What was I thinking? I guess that’s where the problem lies – I never did think. I was too busy living it.
Before I met her all I had was a heavy pay-check and a cozy house. She rendered meaning to both, and to my life. I think the reason why I still wasn’t ready for marriage was because there’s always this nagging fear at the back of your head when you love someone so much – the fear of not being worthy of that person, the fear of hurting her, the fear of betraying her. But then, that’ll always be there. What I can do is to make up my mind on whether I can take the plunge and not let the fear take its toll on our relationship.
The doubts need to be laid to rest. I want to spend my life with her. That is the whole truth.
And I opt to face it.