Chain Letters
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
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Chain Letter Type 1:
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>>>>>> Make a wish!!!
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>>>>>> No, really, go on and make one!!!
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>>>>>> Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
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>>>>>> Wish something else!!!
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>>>>>> Not that, you pervert!!
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>>>>>> Is your finger getting tired yet?
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>>>>>> STOP!!!!
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>>>>>> Wasn't that fun?
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>>>>>> Hope you made a great wish
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't
send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad
goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because,
THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!!
I know someone who didnt send it to enough people and all that stuff really
happened to her.
Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them
a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them
a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
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Chain Letter Type 2:
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving
little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents,
and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time
you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless
Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember,
we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a
complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the
next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6
people, you will die instantly.
Thanks again!!
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Chain Letter Type 3:
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as
many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works: Pass this
on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen
to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently
received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in sidewalk,
fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went
flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died.
This Could Happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it.
Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people
swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat
adorable kittens every day for eternity
This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter
to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
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Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your
friends.
FRIENDS
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A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of ****,
and your breath smells like you've been eating cat food,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of
arseholes,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad,
sad life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should
be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and
leaves and doesn't speak much English......no, sorry, that's the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of
being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never be able to have sex ever again.
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There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain
letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, send
it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but otherwise
forward this sucker to everyone you know!!
If you don't, I don't care, but why not show this around? Take two minutes
and forward it.
Thanks!
Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.
If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna make people feel
guilty (i.e. the limbless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous
(i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of turds) just delete it.
Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say,
"NO MORE CHAIN LETTERS!!"
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Source: unknown Internet hero
