^^ JATland community mail box ^^
- Thread starter brahmtewatia
- Start date
nishantrathi82
New member
Sardar's once again
Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Oh queen divine, pass me the wine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "Oh William bastard, pass me the custard ".
***********************************
Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
***********************************
Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary
Rs.2000/-, is it o.k Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary
is o.k.......but?? how much is DRIVING salary...?
***********************************
Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives
light at night when light is needed & Sun gives light during
the day when light is not needed!!!
***********************************
2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and
asks the other to check whether its working, he puts his
head out and says YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...
***********************************
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do
register marriage and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u
yesterday whole day in the post office....
***********************************
Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1
leg, and says, "chal", it walks. He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs
and said, "chal" , it walks. He cuts all the legs and said,
"chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion...... ........
"after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes
deaf......"
***********************************
A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
***********************************
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
***********************************
A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start
investigating.......
***********************************
Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
***********************************
Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE
SARDARS.......
***********************************
Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Oh queen divine, pass me the wine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "Oh William bastard, pass me the custard ".
***********************************
Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
***********************************
Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary
Rs.2000/-, is it o.k Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary
is o.k.......but?? how much is DRIVING salary...?
***********************************
Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives
light at night when light is needed & Sun gives light during
the day when light is not needed!!!
***********************************
2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and
asks the other to check whether its working, he puts his
head out and says YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...
***********************************
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do
register marriage and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u
yesterday whole day in the post office....
***********************************
Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1
leg, and says, "chal", it walks. He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs
and said, "chal" , it walks. He cuts all the legs and said,
"chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion...... ........
"after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes
deaf......"
***********************************
A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
***********************************
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
***********************************
A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start
investigating.......
***********************************
Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
***********************************
Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE
SARDARS.......
***********************************
brahmtewatia
Active member
this is how swine-flu started.
nishantrathi82
New member
Aur transmit human to human ho rahaa hai....issiliye keep away from humans showing symptoms of a SWINE flu.......
nishantrathi82
New member
Shaadi Ki Daastaan
Shaadi Ki Daastaan</SPAN>
Abhi Shaadi Ka Pehla Hi Saal Tha,
Khushi Ke Maare Mera Bura Haal Tha,
Khushiyaan Kuch Yoon Umad Rahin Thi,
Ki Sambhale Nahi Sambhal Rahi Thi,
Subah Subah Madam Ka Chai Le Kar Aana,
Thoda Sharmate Hue Hume Need Se Jagana,
Wo Pyaar Bhara Hath Humare Ballon Main Phirana,
Muskurate Hue Kehna Ki Darling Chai To Pi Lo,
Jaldi Se Ready Ho Jao, Aap Ko Office Bhi Hai Jana.
Gharwali Bhagwan Ka Roop Le Kar Aayi Thi,
Dil Or Dimag Par Poori Tarah Chai Thi,
Saans Bhi Lete Thy To Naam Usi Ka Hota Tha,
Ek Pal Bhi Door Jeena Dushwar Hota Tha.
*...5 Saal Baad...*
Subah Subah Madam Ka Chai Le Kar Aana,
Table Par Rakh Kar Jor Se Chilana,
Aaj Office Jao To Munna Ko School Chodte Hue Jana...
Ek Baar Phir Wohi Awaaj Ayi,
Kya Baat Hai Abhi Tak Chhodi Nahi Charpai,
Agar Munna Late Ho Gaya To Dekh Lena,
Munna Ki Teachers Ko Phir Khud Hi Sambhaal Lena.
Na Jane Gharwali Kaisa Roop Le Kar Aayi Thi,
Dil Aur Dimaag Par Kali Ghata Chai Thi,
Sans Bhi Lete Hai To Uni Ka Khayal Hota Hai,
Har Samay Jehan Main Ek Hi Sawal Hota Hai,
Kya Kabhi Wo Din Laut Ke Ayenge,
Hum Ek Bar Phir Kuwaaren Ban Payenge...?? ????
Is Liye Mere Yaaro Is Kuwaaren Ki Baat Mano
Jisne Shadi Ki Uska Har Din Zamela Hai
Jo Kuwara Bach Jaye Uska Har Din Mela Hai
Shadi Karna Vaise To Dukhi Logo Ka Kaam Hai
Kuwaaron Ko To Aajkal Har Din Aaram Hai
Kahi Holi To Kahi Diwali Ka Jaam Hai...�
Regards,
...Ek Kuwaara...:rock
Shaadi Ki Daastaan</SPAN>
Abhi Shaadi Ka Pehla Hi Saal Tha,
Khushi Ke Maare Mera Bura Haal Tha,
Khushiyaan Kuch Yoon Umad Rahin Thi,
Ki Sambhale Nahi Sambhal Rahi Thi,
Subah Subah Madam Ka Chai Le Kar Aana,
Thoda Sharmate Hue Hume Need Se Jagana,
Wo Pyaar Bhara Hath Humare Ballon Main Phirana,
Muskurate Hue Kehna Ki Darling Chai To Pi Lo,
Jaldi Se Ready Ho Jao, Aap Ko Office Bhi Hai Jana.
Gharwali Bhagwan Ka Roop Le Kar Aayi Thi,
Dil Or Dimag Par Poori Tarah Chai Thi,
Saans Bhi Lete Thy To Naam Usi Ka Hota Tha,
Ek Pal Bhi Door Jeena Dushwar Hota Tha.
*...5 Saal Baad...*
Subah Subah Madam Ka Chai Le Kar Aana,
Table Par Rakh Kar Jor Se Chilana,
Aaj Office Jao To Munna Ko School Chodte Hue Jana...
Ek Baar Phir Wohi Awaaj Ayi,
Kya Baat Hai Abhi Tak Chhodi Nahi Charpai,
Agar Munna Late Ho Gaya To Dekh Lena,
Munna Ki Teachers Ko Phir Khud Hi Sambhaal Lena.
Na Jane Gharwali Kaisa Roop Le Kar Aayi Thi,
Dil Aur Dimaag Par Kali Ghata Chai Thi,
Sans Bhi Lete Hai To Uni Ka Khayal Hota Hai,
Har Samay Jehan Main Ek Hi Sawal Hota Hai,
Kya Kabhi Wo Din Laut Ke Ayenge,
Hum Ek Bar Phir Kuwaaren Ban Payenge...?? ????
Is Liye Mere Yaaro Is Kuwaaren Ki Baat Mano
Jisne Shadi Ki Uska Har Din Zamela Hai
Jo Kuwara Bach Jaye Uska Har Din Mela Hai
Shadi Karna Vaise To Dukhi Logo Ka Kaam Hai
Kuwaaron Ko To Aajkal Har Din Aaram Hai
Kahi Holi To Kahi Diwali Ka Jaam Hai...�
Regards,
...Ek Kuwaara...
:rock
S
smartjaatwe
Guest
Nnice joke
PM.........AM
Sardar ji, Se ksi Ne pocha ....... .k,
Man-Mohan singh Tusi srif shaam ko walk par
Jate hoo ........ subha kyun nahi jate ?
Sardar ji Ne kaha........ .........
Man-Mohan singh P M hain AM nahi.....
PM.........AM
Sardar ji, Se ksi Ne pocha ....... .k,
Man-Mohan singh Tusi srif shaam ko walk par
Jate hoo ........ subha kyun nahi jate ?
Sardar ji Ne kaha........ .........
Man-Mohan singh P M hain AM nahi.....
nishantrathi82
New member
Son: "Daddy, may I ask you a question"
Daddy: "Yeah sure, what it is?"
Son: "Dad, how much do you make an hour"
Daddy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
Son: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an
hour?"
Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour"
"Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down.
Looking up, he said, "Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?"
The father was furious,
"if the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money
to buy a silly toy or other nonsense, then march yourself to your room
and go to bed.
Think why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this
childish behavior"
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man
sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's
questions.
How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down,
and started to think:
"May be there was something he really needed to buy with that
Rs. 300 and he really didn't ask for money very often!"
The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door.
"Are you asleep, son?" He asked.
"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said the
man, "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you.
Here's the Rs.300 you asked for"
The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you dad!" He yelled.
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes.
The man, seeing that the boy already had money,
started to get angry
again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his
father.
"Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.
"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.
"Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?
Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you"
MORAL OF THE STORY
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life.
We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent
some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our
hearts.
If we die tomorrow,
the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter
of days.
But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the
rest of
their lives.
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our
family....
Have a nice day.
"It takes a minute to have a crush an hour to like someone and a day to
love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone" Be in touch..
Daddy: "Yeah sure, what it is?"
Son: "Dad, how much do you make an hour"
Daddy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
Son: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an
hour?"
Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour"
"Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down.
Looking up, he said, "Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?"
The father was furious,
"if the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money
to buy a silly toy or other nonsense, then march yourself to your room
and go to bed.
Think why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this
childish behavior"
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man
sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's
questions.
How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down,
and started to think:
"May be there was something he really needed to buy with that
Rs. 300 and he really didn't ask for money very often!"
The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door.
"Are you asleep, son?" He asked.
"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said the
man, "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you.
Here's the Rs.300 you asked for"
The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you dad!" He yelled.
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes.
The man, seeing that the boy already had money,
started to get angry
again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his
father.
"Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.
"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.
"Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?
Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you"
MORAL OF THE STORY
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life.
We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent
some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our
hearts.
If we die tomorrow,
the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter
of days.
But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the
rest of
their lives.
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our
family....
Have a nice day.
"It takes a minute to have a crush an hour to like someone and a day to
love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone" Be in touch..
rakeshsehrawat
New member
Congress in Power. What does it mean?
Infiltration Of Terrorists From The Porous Borders Of Gujarat,
West Bengal, Uttar Pradesh
Welcome To Talibans Through 'Soft On Terrorism' Policy
Application of Sharia Law in pockets of Bharat
Many Repeats Of Terrorist Attacks On Mumbai
MORE GODHRAS
MORE SHAHABUDDINS
MORE ISHARAT JAHANS
MORE TEESTA SETALVADS
MORE LALLUS, KARUNANIDHIS, MULAYAMS, MAYAVATIS, MUSLIM LEAGUE, COMMUNISTS Holding the Country to a RANSOM
MORE SUICIDES BY FARMERS
NO JUSTICE TO THE VICTIMS OF SIKH MASSACRE
Clemency To Afzal Guru And Torture To Sadhvi Pragyna
Increased Class Conflicts
Appeasement Of Minorities
Accelerated Conversion Of Hindus
Insult Of Hindus And Hindu Ethos
Boost to State Aided Evangelization
Protection To Dons Of The Underworld
Be Prepared To Be Called Hindus Terrorists
Killings of Many Swamiji's like Laxmananda in Orissa
Same Corruption and Casteism Of 50 Years Of Misrule
First Claim On Resources By Muslims
(Heard Directly From the strong Prime Minister)
Quota In Government Services And Education For The Minorities
COMMUNALIZATION OF THE ARMED FORCES
through setups like Sachar Committee
Replacement of map of Bharat with a Christian Cross on legal tenders
(like it was done recently with Rs. 10 coin)
Deletion of Sataymev Jayate from Government documents and web sites
(of course, it is true so far as Congress party and its cohorts are concerned!)
Replacement of all Hindu Icons with Christian and Islamic Icons
(like replacement of Saraswatiji with Crescent and Cross in NCERT Text books)
More Funds in Swiss Banks
Dynastic Rule in a Democracy!
Congress's affidavit in Supreme Court Questioned Shree Ram's existence, therefore,
More Affidavits stating Shree Krishna is a Myth,
Guru Govind Singh was a rapist
Aurangzeb was a Benevolent King
(this is what is taught in NCERT books)
and if all goes well, mother of all the affidavits can come:
Hindus Have No Right to Exist in Bharat
CONGRESS DOES NOT BELIEVE THAT SHREE RAM EVER EXISTED,
CAN YOU BELIEVE IN CONGRESS?
nishantrathi82
New member
Latest dialogues from the movie "Damini Coder" under production:
Sunny Deol: Bench pe bench, bench pe bench, Log paglon ki tarah training mein raat raat bhar padhte rahe aur unhe mili toh sirf bench!
Analysis of algorithm karte karte unki khudki life ban gayi ek unsolvable algorithm aur unhe bhi mili to sirf bench!
Training ke baad proj milega, phir appraisal hoga, phir onsite jaoonga isi soch mein logon ne training clear kar di aur unhe bhi mili toh sirf bench!
Bench par baithe baithe log khud ban gaye hai ek bench, aur phir bhi unhe mili toh bench!
Sunny Deol: Chaddha samjao ise...Coding karne ke liye jo jigar chahiye hota hai wo kisi bazaar mein nahi milta... Coder use lekar paida hota hai....
Sunny Deol: Aur jab yeh Java ka code kisi Dotnet wale ko karna pad jata hai na, Toh coder uth ta nahi, balki is duniya se uth jaata hai............
Sunny Deol: Bazaar main aise code bhi milte lekin unko chalane k liye jo seena chaiye hota hai wo ek coder lekar paida hota hai
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Developer Nana Patekar's dialogue:
Bang Bang Bang...(on the keyboard)...
Ye dekho ... Ye 'C' ka code…... ye 'C++' ka code.... Ye dono mila diya...
Ab bata saale tester - 'C' ka kaunsa, 'C++' ka kaunsa???
Jab banane waale ne ismein koi farak nahi kiya to tum kaun ho farak karne waale.... Bata bata
Sunny Deol: Bench pe bench, bench pe bench, Log paglon ki tarah training mein raat raat bhar padhte rahe aur unhe mili toh sirf bench!
Analysis of algorithm karte karte unki khudki life ban gayi ek unsolvable algorithm aur unhe bhi mili to sirf bench!
Training ke baad proj milega, phir appraisal hoga, phir onsite jaoonga isi soch mein logon ne training clear kar di aur unhe bhi mili toh sirf bench!
Bench par baithe baithe log khud ban gaye hai ek bench, aur phir bhi unhe mili toh bench!
Sunny Deol: Chaddha samjao ise...Coding karne ke liye jo jigar chahiye hota hai wo kisi bazaar mein nahi milta... Coder use lekar paida hota hai....
Sunny Deol: Aur jab yeh Java ka code kisi Dotnet wale ko karna pad jata hai na, Toh coder uth ta nahi, balki is duniya se uth jaata hai............
Sunny Deol: Bazaar main aise code bhi milte lekin unko chalane k liye jo seena chaiye hota hai wo ek coder lekar paida hota hai
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Developer Nana Patekar's dialogue:
Bang Bang Bang...(on the keyboard)...
Ye dekho ... Ye 'C' ka code…... ye 'C++' ka code.... Ye dono mila diya...
Ab bata saale tester - 'C' ka kaunsa, 'C++' ka kaunsa???
Jab banane waale ne ismein koi farak nahi kiya to tum kaun ho farak karne waale.... Bata bata
brahmtewatia
Active member
oh... ho... thts why i see the great mathematician of JL missing these dayz. usko bhi bench mil gai hai kya?Latest dialogues from the movie "Damini Coder" under production:
Sunny Deol: Bench pe bench, bench pe bench, Log paglon ki tarah training mein raat raat bhar padhte rahe aur unhe mili toh sirf bench!
Analysis of algorithm karte karte unki khudki life ban gayi ek unsolvable algorithm aur unhe bhi mili to sirf bench!
Training ke baad proj milega, phir appraisal hoga, phir onsite jaoonga isi soch mein logon ne training clear kar di aur unhe bhi mili toh sirf bench!
A
anilsinghd
Guest
ha ha ha ha ha
na ji humein to na bench naseeb hai na kaam
just was caught up elsewhere !
Disorder in the American Courts
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doct or, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
And the best for last:
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: &nb sp; Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doct or, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
And the best for last:
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: &nb sp; Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
nishantrathi82
New member
ha ha ha ha ha
na ji humein to na bench naseeb hai na kaam
just was caught up elsewhere !
Hahahaha Biyaah se pehle he caught up kya baat
brahmtewatia
Active member
some teasers...
Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha. 2nd day doosri ladki k saath dekha gaya. 3rd day koi aur ladki thi. 4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha
Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey
A boy goes to see a cabaret dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad.
Teacher to class: A for?
Class: Apple
Teacher: Jor Se Bolo
Class: Jai Mata Di
Indian Airlines slogan: A warm experience & motherly treatment... warm b'coz AC doesn't work & motherly because Air hostesses are above 50
Boy: Chalo kisi viraan jagah chalte hain!
Gal: Tum aisi-vaisi harkat to nahi karoge?
Boy: Bilkul nahi!
Gal: To phir rehne do...
Gabbar: Kitne admi they?
Sambha: Sardar 2
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata
Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do
Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha. 2nd day doosri ladki k saath dekha gaya. 3rd day koi aur ladki thi. 4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha
Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey
A boy goes to see a cabaret dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad.
Teacher to class: A for?
Class: Apple
Teacher: Jor Se Bolo
Class: Jai Mata Di
Indian Airlines slogan: A warm experience & motherly treatment... warm b'coz AC doesn't work & motherly because Air hostesses are above 50
Boy: Chalo kisi viraan jagah chalte hain!
Gal: Tum aisi-vaisi harkat to nahi karoge?
Boy: Bilkul nahi!
Gal: To phir rehne do...
Gabbar: Kitne admi they?
Sambha: Sardar 2
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata
Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do
nishantrathi82
New member
In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Outside a London second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING
YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON
THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL
CHARGES
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN'T
WORK)
People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate
with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen
around the world :
At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT
TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Doctors office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Hotel, Acapulco :
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
In a Calcutta Coffee House:
PEOPLE DISCARDING CIGARETTE STUBS IN CUPS WILL BE SERVED COFFEE IN ASH
TRAYS...
brahmtewatia
Active member
Punjab Police ( पपु )- What a TOUCHING moment.