Love is the desire to give benevolently.
So what is it that we give? Well it could be anything that we
have a choice over. Our time, thoughts, efforts, money, loyalty,
our physical bodies and so on.
Pure love is the desire to give without any reciprocal desire
to get.It is the highest form of love.
Parent's love for their newborns probably comes closest to pure
love. [A mother's love is the purest as she gives the most and
often expects the least in return. However the
nature of this love can change over time as it gets affected
by our desire to get.
All wordly problems that are associated with love are because
most of us humans are baniyas/traders by our very nature.We
give but we expect to get in return as well. The more we give
the more we want to get.When this equation between give and take,
or our perceptions of it, gets off balance, "love" takes a
hit and problems occur.
1- Is love a bubble, I mean is love a feeling which is meant
to be shortlived or can it be life-long ?
If you can love purely it should last eternity. Or at least
a life-time. For most of us, however, it comes down to striking a
good balance between the give and get. If the balance is
maintained then it sure can be lifelong. But of course, such
love is at the mercy of the other as much as yourself.If desires and
expectations aren't in sync it can be hard.
2- A usual quote "Aaj hi saari pyar ke baate mat kar lo, kal ke
liye bhi to kuch bachao, kahi aisa na ho ki kal baate hi na mile
karne ko" - Does expressing love loses its charm if its expressed
daily or frequently ? Here I would love to listen from those
'married' persons who have been happily married since years
but today also they feel 'genuinely attached' to their spouse
and what is it that binds them together and make them feel
incomplete without each other even today? And, have they ever
felt that they have been left with so less to talk about and
how they manage to get out if ever they feel so?
The "baate" element is probably truer in the initial stages
because that is when we are trying to strike the "initial
deal" (remember the trader analogy). We are trying to size up
what we are going to get in return.
As time goes by and love persists, one would assume that the
balance has been struck. It becomes far less necessary to talk.
Expectations have been set and accepted. Trust has been built.
Love thrives in the balance.
The same is true for a great friendship as well.
3- In today's times there are hoards of people which wander
in search of a new love every now and then because they are
not able to live into one relation for long for one reason
of the other, and there are even people who find no fault
in being in more than one relation at a time. This may give
some instant pleasures but there is no possibility of a common
'happy ending' for all parties involved, but it happens, so
why do you think such a situation occurs? Why people want love
but with no tags attached ? Is it right ?
This has nothing to do with "today's times". This has
always existed.Only its manifestation has changed in its character
with changes in society.
We are inherently capable of loving immensely. We can love
many simultaneuosly. Love without tags and boundaries is wonderful
and very joyful. I think our true nature wants to love freely.
However, a relationship is based on the give and take equation.
There are some who feel gated and trapped by this. Perhaps
the "open relationships" are a result of two people of similar
nature coming together and understanding each other's desire to
be free of artifical boundaries.
Nothing wrong with any of this.
But if the equation isn't balanced a relationship suffers.
Simple as that.If part of the equation allows one or
both to "wander", the relationship can work just fine.
4- In the end it will be too funny to ask, but let it be !
What is love ? How one can ensure that he or she is in love
and its not an infatuation or attraction ?
Well love is already defined above.
A man-woman relationship has a strong physical element to it.
This physical element can be the instigator or primary driver
of the relationship (so called love at first sight), or it may
emerge later on (as in a friendship that turns to love).
Love or infatuation? It really ain't easy to know. It is never
easy but we become better
judges with age and experience. Unfortunately, the teens and
20s is an age where we are still too immature to judge.
Frankly the oder we are the better judges we become. And that
doesn't help, does it?
The best bet is trying to ensure that the relationship
is multi-faceted and that the physical element isn't majority
of it.
At the end of the day it again goes back to finding the give and
take balance. And knowing if that balance is likely to be struck
can take time (and requires good judgement).
Family/friends often can judge better as "outsiders" when our
own minds are clouded since they often have a good understanding
of our give-take dynamics.
5- We have had many tips here about how to make husbands happy,
women happy etc, now how to make a lover happy ? And how to make
a relation really nice and be in it whole life ?
Know what you have to give. Know what you want to get.
Try to strike a good deal!!
That's all you can do for a relationship.
As for love, love freely. And if possible, love purely. Loving
purely will always give you joy and never hurt.
