Old is Gold (Puraney Jokes For New Members)-1

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amar0974

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Surjey (Sooraj) ke gaam mein har saal baladhan ki daud hoya karti.
Is saal, Surjey nai bhi man bana liya bhaag len ka.
par ek mushkil thi, uske baladh ghane tagde na the , so ghani tej na bhaaj sakain the.
usnai bhi soch liya ke kuch tai karoonga.
Gaam ke Hakim ka beta Nathhu uska dhabbi tha. Surja us dhorai gaya ar bolya Nathhu kuch kar bhai, ibkai mannai pehle number pai aana sai daud main.koy tarkeeb bata.
Ib yo Nathhu bhi Hakim ki aulaad tha.teen(3) pudiya lya kai Surjay tai di ar bolya... jai, baladh tej na bhaajai tai ya pehli pudiya uske pachchai la diye, aur tej bhajana ho tai ya doosri bhi la diye ar aur ghana tej karna ho tai ya teesri bhi la diye.
Surja pudiya le kai gharan chala gaya khushi khushi.
Daud ka din aaya , Surjey nai poora bharosa tha ak aaj wo pehle number pai aaweyga.
Daud shuru ho gi par Surjay ka baladh sahaj sahaj bhajay tha.
Surjay nai pehli pudiya li ar baladh kai la di.
Baladh tej bhaaj liya !!!!
par Surjay nai dekhya ib bhi kai the usstay aagay.
Surjay nai doosri pudiya li ar baladh kai la di.
!!!! Baladh isa tej bhaajya , isa tej bhajya ak gaadi tod kai bhot aagai likad gya!!!!!!!!!
Surjay ib ke karta? ??
usnai Natthu khada dikya jo daud dekhan aa rhya tha
Surjay nai rooka maara -- Natthu ib ke karoon, mera baladh tai gaya? ??
Natthu chillaya -- Ib teesri pudiya apnai la le!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Machchar ne mujhe kaata...
...... Machchar ko junoon tha...
khujli fir aisi machi..
...... ki dil besukoon tha ...
Humne use pakda
...... fir jaane diya gaalib....
kambakht ki ragoon mein
..... apna hi khoon tha.. !!!!
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Ke Bar Do Tej Se Budhe Bus Main Baith Liye,
To Bhi Conductor Aaya Ek Ke Dhore Ar Bola "Haan Tau Ticket", Budha Paisey Bachan Ke Chakkar Mey tha Bola "O Merar conductor Chode n Nu Soch Liye Gaam Ke Chhori Pheyt Gi Thi. Conductor Bhi Sarif Sa Tha Maan Ga Bichara. Conductor Ne Socha Le Dusrey Tau Ne Toke Ley, Dusrey Ne Bola "Tau Ticket" Doosra Tau Pehley Ka Bhi Ustad Likda Bola "O Merar Conductor Chode N Nu Soch Liye Chori Gelan Bateu Bhi Tha"
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ek bae Natthu rail main poori seat pai ekla baitha tha.
ek mara sa aadmi aaya ar bolya-- bhai thoda sa sarakiye, main bhi baith jaaoon.
Natthu bolya - tannay bera nahin main kun soon?
us aadmi nae sochya jaroor koi badi hasti hae,wo dar gya ar jaa kae doosri jaghan baith gya.
thodi waar main Surja Pahelwan aaya ar Natthu tai bolya -- lya mannay bhi jaghan de.
Natthu pher bolya--- tannay bera nahin main kun soon???
Surje nai Natthu ka gala pakar kai wo uppar tha liya ar bolya - eb bata tu kun sai???
Natthu mari si aawaj main bolya --- Bhai , main Bimaar soon !!!!!!!!!
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Ek Baar Ek Foji Chhutee AA Raha Tha To Gaon Ka Ek Aadmi Boojhan Laga Haan Foji Saahab Kit Jao Ho. Foji Kuch Hindi Or Kuch Aapni Desi Bhasa Mix Kar Ke Bola "Kahin Nahin Bus Yahin Kheton Tak Baal (Hawa) Khaney Ja Raha Hoon." Poochney Wala Bhey Ustad Tha Bola.
"Bhai Foji Baal Khaan Itni Duur Kyon Ja Hai Maharey Katdey ke Badey Badey Ho Rahe Hain Uskey Khaley"
Haahaaaaaaa.
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ek bai do-chaar chorriyan ek bus main jaan thi.unke saath aali seat pe do buddhe baithya the.wah chorriyan ghana sor machawen thin.ek budhe ne socha poochon to zara ak keet ki sain!budhe ne poocha -re beti tam keet jao so?chorriyaan ne jawaab diya-tau hum LOG rohtak jawaan haan.
phir chorriyan ne bhi boojh liya-tau tu keet ja sai?tau ne jaawaab diya-hum LUGAI jind jaa sain.ha ha ha
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Ek bey ek boodhaa bust stand pe khadya haaale tha(Parkinson's disease), ek choraa bolyaa ' Re, yo kiskaa boodhaa hai'
ek aadmi bolyaa 'mhaaraa hai' to woh bolya ' Yo start kar ke kyon chchod rakhyaa hai'
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ek be ek tau gaam te rohtak pahunchaa, usne bus adde(bus stand) te ek rikshaa kar li ' ak manne model town le chaal' woh rikshaa aalaa Rohtak mein nayaa thaa.. to usne sochaa ak agar manne tau ti bata di ke manne model town kit hai nahin beraa to paise chaale jaange, to usne kahyaa ' baith tau main tanne model town pahunchaa doonga' tau baith gayaa bhai.. june kaa mahinaa and rastaa bataniyee bhi endee unne usti galat rastaa bataa bataa ke khoob handayaa, akhir 3 ghante mein ve model town pahunch to gaye.. tau bhi dhoop mein laal ho gyaa... ib tau ne rikshaa te uttar ke poochchaa ' bataa bhai ke doon' rikshe aalaa bhi sharmaa gayaa ak tenne kari to tau gelyaa buri.. to woh bolyaa ' tau teraa jo jee kare woh de de' tau pher bolyaa' naa pher bhi bataa de ke deyoon' rikshaa aalaa pher wohi bolya 'tau teraa jo jee kare woh de de', do teen bai yo hoya, pher rikshaa alaa bolya 'tau teraa jo jee kare woh de de' tau ke chcho to uthth e rayaa tha, tau bolya ' jee to isa kare hai ke teri nasan(nose) mein yo dogaa de doon'..
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Bhaio Ek Baar Ek Foji Bhai ke Rajasthan ke border per duty laag rahi they or bhaio Sardian (Winter) ke din aagey to Foji ne Socha ke Parivar tain meley ghaney din hoge kyon na apni 'Family' n Haade ey Bulaloon. Usne Bhai Gharan Chithi Likhi
"Ke Babu Sardi Suru Hogey Hain or Merey 'Family' ne Bhej do".
Eb Bhai Boodha sooch me pad ga ke ya 'Family' Ke Ho Hai, Pher us ne Andaja Lagaya Ke Chorey ne Sardian mey 'Family' Mangai hai to Family ka matlab Rajaai ho hai to bhai budhey ne bhey chitti girwa di
"Ke Bhai Beta Dekh Terey 'Family' to Balkaan ne pichley jaadan me hey paad di thi ar tane bera e hai main to soon a bina 'Family' ka per beta kawe to pados ke bheem ke 'Family' Bhej doon, wa nai bhi se.
Hahaaaaaaaaa
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ek bai ek batau(chori ka pati) apni susrad challya gaya.jab woh roti khaan lagya to ghee bura ki jagahn uske aage gantha roti dhar di.gantha roti ne dekhte ain woh ron lagya.uski saasu ne bujhya ke baat beta kyon rowe se?
woh bolya-main to nyu soch ke roun soon ke tere mare paache manne ye fruit koun khwawega.
HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
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ek bai ek chorra bus main chd tain jind jaa tha...
raste main ambale main bus rookgi.chorra cha paani peen khataar utar liya.
waapas aaya to uski seat pe ek tau baithya paaya......
chorre ne keha tau.....yo meri seat hai
tau kehmta kyukar.....tera ke aade naam likh rakhya hai/?
chorra kehta-main yade aapna rumaal dhar ke gaya tha nisani ke tor pe
tau kehmta-wah bete yo badhiya.......kal ne tun mere khet main jaake rumaal dhar dega to ke khet tera ho jyaaga?
lol..........ha ha ha
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ek bar ek masterji jo ghana patla tha, naya paplin ka kurta pajama peher key school mey aya aur balko sey puchney laga, kisa laagu su,balak bole ji bahut suthre lago so.masterji ney phir sey kaha sachi-sachi batou , balak ney phir sey master ji ki tarif kari , par masterji ney gyan sa nahi aya aur bole mey kuch nahi kahuga sachi-sachi batou.ek andy balak bolya ji mey batau , ishey lago ho jannu bidi key bandal mey 2 hi bidi reh rhi ho.
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Bhaio Baat s Indira Gandhi ki Emergency ke time ke, us time batawan hai ke loga n jabardasti pakad k nas bandhi kara kartey, to bhaio Doctaran ke isey team k ek Tau Bhey Phans ga ar bhai un n tau ka operation kar diya.
Operation ke thodey a haan pachey tau dhore dusrey team aagey (un dina t doctor nu hande they na jukar saad m gijaye handa kara hain) or tau pakar liya. Tau chho(Angry) m to pehlan a ho raha tha bola
"Are eb ke karo ge thodi a haan pehlan to connection kaat k gaye they, eb to bus yo meater-meater rah raha h isney le jantey ho to le jao.
Hahaaaaa
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ek baar 6 larki hone ke baad kisi ke ghar main larke ne jnam liya. te larke kaa naamkaran ke khatir ek pandit bulaa liya. pandit ne patraa dekh ke kahaa ke ye larkaa to subh nahi se. isne te maar do nahi te jab yo pahli baar bolegaa jab jo teen naam pahele legaa wo teeno aadmi mar jaange. te pariwaar ke member bole naa bare dino baad larka janmaa se isne naa maaraa , badale main teem aadame baisak marjaao koi baat nahi, te jab larkaa bolan laagaa te usne pahele kahaa "dada" te larke ka dadaa margaa, sochaa koi baat naa baraa adami thaa margaa te koi baat naa se, jab kuchh din baad larke ne bolaa "naanaa" te larke kaa naanaa bhi margaa, ab te saare pariwaar ne chintaa thee ke abki baar kiski baari hogi te larke ne ek din shyaam ko kahaa "papa " or larke kaa papa naa maraa te saare pariwaar main khushi ki lahaar dorgi or kahane lage "pandit jhuthaa thaa" .
wo jab morning main bahar nikale te unkaa paroshi maraa gali main maraa paraa milaa (means the naughbour man is the real father of baby)
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Ek Bar ek haasye Kavi sammelan howe tha ar ek kavi n keh diya ke sarkar chor hai, itna kehtey he sammelan mey mojood kai mantri suda jutian kavi ke sir p chad ge ak tane sarkar tahin chor kaha to kaha kookar.
kavi bhe chalak tha bola "jab maney to nu kahi hai ke sarkar chor hai, nu to na kahi ke pakistan ki chor hai ya india ki."
Mantri bole acha ji hamey bewkoof samajtey ho jaisey hamey pata hi nahi ke kahan ki sarkar chor hai.
Hahaaaaaaaaa
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Ek baar ek jat bahut tej baarish mien dahi lene gaya. dukaandaar ne aise hi pooch liya ke kyon bhai , teri shaadi ho gayee kya...
Jat - tu ke samajh raha ke mai apnee maa kahne par itni baarish mien dahi lene aaya hoon...
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A guy from Uttar Pradesh (UP) was away from his family for about 4 years while his wife was in Jaunpur (UP). At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son...
His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years... The man said it is common in UP that neighbours take care of the wife (good samaritans) when men are away. The colleagues asked Whatname
will you give to the son?"
The man explained, "If its the second neighbour who has taken care,then the name would be DWIVEDI;
If it is the third neighbour then it would be TRIVEDI,
If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be CHATURVEDI;
If its the fifth neighbour then it would be PANDEY...
After listening to this, questions followed. What if it is a mixture of neighbours? "Then the boy would be named MISHRA"...
And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour? "hen it would be SHARMA"...
But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour? "Then thename of the child would be GUPTA"...
If she does not remember the name then? "It is YAAD-AV...
But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape? "Then it will be named DOSHI"...
Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire for sex, then he will be named JOSHI...
And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival .... DESHPANDEY!!
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Ek Baar Mharey Sanskrit ke Class (Jat School Rohtak) mey Mharey Guru Ji na Balkan ta Bujhi
"Tumhara aur Mera Kutta Laad Rahey Hain" Iskey Sanskrit Banao
Ek Bola Main Bataoo Guru Ji, Guru Ji Boley Haan Bata Bhai, Chora Bola
"Tawam Awam ka Kutta GUTHAM GUTHAA"
HaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaa
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BADLOO: TERI BHABHI KE SAATH MAI 25TH ANNIVERSARY (MARRIAGE) PE SYDNEY JAA RHA HUN.
SHERU: BHAI BADLOO TANNE TO KAMAAL KAR DIYA. ITNA KHARCHA KAREGA ? CHAAL TERI MARZI. PAR NYU BATA EK 50th ANNIV. PE KIT JAWE GA?
BADLOO: SYDNEY
SHERU: PHIR SE SYDNEY
BADLOO: AURR.... WA WAPIS BHI TO LAANI HAI.

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Ek bai interview mai ek Angrej nai JAT tai puchhya-Do you know English???
Jat pure confidence tai bolya…: YES…Angrez fer bolya… How much??
Jat bolya… Baisssssss
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Ek Baar Ek Chorey Na Dekhaniya Aagey ar Bujhan Laagey Ke Chora Kara Ke Hai. Chorey Aaley Kehan Laagey.
"Chora Lakdi Ka Karobar Kare Hai"
Wo Bujhan Lagey
"Ke Koye Lakdi Key Taksaal Hai"
"Naa"
"Or Koye Furniture Ke Dukan Hai"
"Naa"
"Or Ke Ketey Budae (Carpanter) ka kaam Kare Hai"
"Naa"
"Or Chora Lakdi Ka Ke Karo Baar Kare Hai"
"Station Pe Datun Beche Hai"
Hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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ek bai ek taau ki gharan ek mehmaan aa gaya. Taau ke dhore khaat ek e thi. Tau bolya bhai tu aa to gaya sovega kade?? Woh bolya taau main to teri galyan e aadhi khaat pai so jaanga. taau bolya na bhai main dukhi ho jaaonga. Woh chora bolya acha taau main to aadhi tain bhi aadhi pe so jaaonga. Taau bolya na bhai nu te kaam na chaale. Woh bolya acha taau main tai baahi baahi (khaat ka border made up of wood called baahi) pe so jaaonga.
Taau bolya acha baahi baahi pe so jyaga tai tu nu kar ja woh kun main mera donga dhara hai na uspe so ja.
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Ek bai TAI ki JAAD mai dard tha, wa Dentist kai phunchi.. Dentist bolya Paadni padegi..tai boli thik sai…to usnai seat pai TAI bithai ar biolya TAI Muh khol… TAI nai muh khol diya …dentist fer bolya aur khol.. TAI nai aur khol diya..wo fer bolya auurrr khoolll TAI nai hanga la kai auuurrr muh khol liya…dentist fer bolya ak aaaaauuurrr khhhhol… TAI tai rhya na gya ..nyu boli..RE DHEDH… TU JAAD.. MUH MAI BAITH KAI PADAIGA KE?

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Ek baar ki baat hai , ek gaon mai ek husband wife rehtay thay , vo thay bade kanjoos, kisi mehmaan ko pasand nahi kartay thay, ek din unhonay kheer banai ,usmai chini nahi milai thi ki ek mehman a gaya , unhonay socha ki isay bhi khilani padegi to aurat nay bahana banaya ki mujay to khet mai jana hai aur tokari aur darati le kar ghar say nikal gai , aur jate jate kheer charpai kay neechay sarka kar chadar neechay kheech gai, uska husband bola ki mujay bhi jana hai kaam say aur vo bhi chala gaya , socha tha kuch der bore ho kar ye chala jaiga, par vo aadmi bada kasoot tha , usnay unkay jate hi ghar tatola aur kheer mil gayi , par vo feeki thi to usnay aur tatola to usay ek gur ki bheli mil gai , usnay gur kay sath sari kheer kha li aur usi charpai kay neechay so gaya .
sham ko vo dono vapas aaye to unhonay socha ki mehmaan chala gaya, aadmi bola ki ,
mai akalmand bada hoshiyaar bada hu kadkay ka kaam ka bana bahana nikla mai tadkay ka ,
aurat boli, mai akalmand hoshiyaar badi hu kadkay ki , tokri darati le kay nikli mai tadkay ki,
charpai kay neechay so raha mehmaan ye sun kar jaag gaya aur bola ,
mai akalmand hoshiyar bada hu kadkay ka, thari gur tai ragad di kheer pada su tadkay ka .

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Ek b ek janet jiman lag rahi thi sab ki patal(plate) main ladoo dharre the.
par ek tau bachh gaya.
woh sab ke muh ki taraf dekhta raha....ghanni var holi.........
jib tau nahi ruk saka ......to chhat (roof) ki taraf muh kar k bolya.
Ram kare ya chhat pad jya....................... arr sare mar ja.
Ek bolya tau tun kyukar bachhaga...........
..."tau bolya........ eb bhi to bachh raha hun".
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Ek baar ek tau U.K. gayaa, woh wahan bus ki queue mein khada tha.. uske aage saari ladies khadi thi.. to jaise hi bus aayi saari ki saari chad gayi, jaise hi tau ki baari aayi, toh bus bhar gayi thi.. to conductor bolyaa "No More.. No More", Tau ne aaya gussa bolyaa " Haan jad tanhi morni chadein thi to theek, jib more ki baari aayi to kah se No Mor No Mor".
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ek be raat ney ek ladke key pachhe police(havaldar) lag rahi thi,wo baghta-baghta tau dorey khet mey pahuch gaya aur bolya ki maine kitey lokuaha ley. tau ney usko apney bangan key khet mey bida tiya.Havaldar bhi khet mey danda maar maar kar ladkey ko doodentey hu tau se bola , yo kay se:tau bola baangan. havaldar ney ladkey key danda martey huye bola itne bade bangan, tau bola biij khater chod rakhey se
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Ek b ek janet jiman laag rahi thi.
thoda-thoda andhera tha.
jimawaniya jaldi-jaldi lagy raha tha.
ladoo..............jalebi.................puri..............saag................
saag ka naam aya to ek ganje tau ka ruka ayya.
bhai thoda sa saag ghal de....
saag aala gaya, andhera tha hi, usne chamach
bhar k tau ke sar pe ghal diya
tau chillaya....... fukkk diya k kar rahya..... ssss.
jimawaniya bolya jib plate n itni unche kyon utha raha tha.
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Navdampati (Newly Married Couple) sey Photographer ne Kaha -- "Muskurayeye"--
Taakey Aaplogon ko Yaad Rahe Ke Aap Kabhi Muskuratey Bhey Thhey!
Hahaha
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Patni Boli Pati sey : Tum Merey Chanda Ho.
Tabhi Bahar Sey Aawaj Aaye : Goshala key leye Chanda Do.
hahahahaa
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Laddoo or Vidhayako (MLA/MP) Mey Samantaye :-
Dono Hey Tode Ja Saktey Hain, Jab jitney Chahen.
Hahaha
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Nai Naveley Dulhan Sey Sakhion Ne Pucha
Ghar-Bar Kaisa Hai
Wo Boli :- "Keval Ghar-Ghar Hai, Bar Nahi, Kayonkey Unhe Pena Pelana Pasand Nahi."
Hahaha
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"Laloo ne chaara khaya hai." Iska Future Tense Banao, Teacher ne Bachchon se Kaha.
Ek Baccha Bola "Laloo ab dhood de raha hai,"
Hahahaaaaaaa
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Ak bai ak Taau rail mai safar karai tha.By chance us din TT rail mai chadh gya oooor.
Taau ke paas aakai bolya.
TT :- Taau tiket dikha.
Taau ne tiket dikha di......TT bolya Taau ya tiket to puraani hai.........
Taau bolya :- bhai Rail kunsa nayi hai.
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Ek gam me kumhar mar gya. Kumhari jor 2 se ro rahi thee. Gao ke sabhi log usko shant karne lage. Sarpacnch ne kha abhi heemat se kam lo, hum sab he na hap ke sath.
Kumari boli me yon ro rahi hu ke kumhar radio bajaya karta tha, eb kon bajayga. Sarpach bola ye koi badi bat na he, me rakh lu ga radio apne pas aur gaon ke sabhi log sun liya karege.
Kumhari phir rone lagi. Sanpanch ne phir puchay kya bat se, kumhari bole, kumhar is ghodi per bheta karta. Sarpanch pola me khodi apne pas rakh lunga, gaon ke log bhete ge.
Kumhar phir rone lagi, sapanch bola ari eb kya ne khai. Kumarhi bori me yu rohu su, kumhar 10000 rupe laya tha baniye se wo kon dega.
Sarpanch ne socha eb mara gya.
Gao walo ki tharf mu kar ke bola kuo bai sari bato ki me hi ha karuga ke aur bhi to ha karo.
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Ek Baar ek Gaam ma Ek Saraabi Paani key badi Tanki pa chad ga, nu a jukar Sholey ma Dharmender chada tha, ar laaga chillan
"Hat jaao ma - ma - Su-Su-Sucide Karoonga"
Ek Bechara jisna sucide ka matlab na bera tha laaga dusrey dhore bujhan jo thoda padha likha laga tha
"Bhai yo ke kaha sa" bera usna bhey na tha Pher bhey Bola
"Ara Kuch Na Yo nu ka hai SuSu Side ma jaa ka Karoonga Sab Hat Jaao"
hahaha.............
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Amardeep bhai,

Kati lath sa gaad diya.

Tadke padhan betha tha. sanjh ho gai, khatam ae na hote....

Ha...ha....ha........
 
bhai sahab do char do char ek sath aan dete

LATH SA GAAD DIYA AAP NE
 
Bhai, Nu sochi Makha Kyun Faltu jagha gherey, u bhey ye post ta pehla ho a rahe sa
Amarjit Joon (Jun 19, 2003 08:49 a.m.):
bhai sahab do char do char ek sath aan dete

LATH SA GAAD DIYA AAP NE
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