ratananmol
Banned
Dear Friends and members:
I was reading an Matrimonial ad on Jatland and i am humbled by the fact that the person has clearly said he cant spend more than Rs.3.5 Lakhs. I want to shout and tell him why does he wants to spend even that much? I mean why does he have to bother to spend a penny for parting with someone raised,educated and grown up in his family. It is disgusting; the mentality of our people must change and the system has to act collectively with the leaders of the society taking a lead in breaking this nasty useless practice.
What purpose does this waste serve and i begin to think that in an underdeveloped economy the institutional failure of having a secure livelihood means that some kind of signalling must be taking place. Signalling is a device by which people send signals of their "type"; in this case they are sending signals that they are "wealthy" types to the networks they are trying to create and utilise when things are not working the proper way; (Dowry seems a different kind of signaling device and a price which can be used to buy better quality groom). If this thing has become more prominent overtime it indicates greater institutional failure than captured by the other indicators and negates the growth story (remember "india shining" created by the BJP) splattered across the media and internet.
No doubt i have met people in USA who take pride in the fact that "my daughter is a friend of the Judge's daughter who came over and stayed with us" but the fact remains that with working institutions this tendency is a remnant of the mindset developed within the territorial boundries of India (And i like the fact that kids raised here dont reflect or behave the way i find desis to behave).
What i want to tell people is that they need to judge the costs and benefits of their expenditure act (which is seen as a tool for enhancing honour) before acting on their plan. (Beware of half-literate relatives who might be scaring you to drain you of your lifetime savings). Also think that money in hand is a more secure device(better than the word of fickle networks) to tide with the kind of uncertainty you are scared of and your power to bargain in social contracts , or ensuring better livelihood/education of your remaining kith and kin takes a beating.
If you are the courageous kind, all friends and relatives who are implicitly trying to impose their expectations on you must be thrown out of the window quickly. If you must spend money give it to couple rather than the extravagant waste which creates other social problems. Do not negotiate with people who expect this kind of expenditure and hire local goons to beat them up if you cant do it yourself.If you think not enough people will turn up for the wedding if it is low cost send me an email and i can arrange for at least 5 highly educated graduate students visiting Delhi who will be grateful to join you and devour your delicious food and will be worth making friends with.
Think Rational. Take pride in the quality of your kids.
Anmol Ratan.
I was reading an Matrimonial ad on Jatland and i am humbled by the fact that the person has clearly said he cant spend more than Rs.3.5 Lakhs. I want to shout and tell him why does he wants to spend even that much? I mean why does he have to bother to spend a penny for parting with someone raised,educated and grown up in his family. It is disgusting; the mentality of our people must change and the system has to act collectively with the leaders of the society taking a lead in breaking this nasty useless practice.
What purpose does this waste serve and i begin to think that in an underdeveloped economy the institutional failure of having a secure livelihood means that some kind of signalling must be taking place. Signalling is a device by which people send signals of their "type"; in this case they are sending signals that they are "wealthy" types to the networks they are trying to create and utilise when things are not working the proper way; (Dowry seems a different kind of signaling device and a price which can be used to buy better quality groom). If this thing has become more prominent overtime it indicates greater institutional failure than captured by the other indicators and negates the growth story (remember "india shining" created by the BJP) splattered across the media and internet.
No doubt i have met people in USA who take pride in the fact that "my daughter is a friend of the Judge's daughter who came over and stayed with us" but the fact remains that with working institutions this tendency is a remnant of the mindset developed within the territorial boundries of India (And i like the fact that kids raised here dont reflect or behave the way i find desis to behave).
What i want to tell people is that they need to judge the costs and benefits of their expenditure act (which is seen as a tool for enhancing honour) before acting on their plan. (Beware of half-literate relatives who might be scaring you to drain you of your lifetime savings). Also think that money in hand is a more secure device(better than the word of fickle networks) to tide with the kind of uncertainty you are scared of and your power to bargain in social contracts , or ensuring better livelihood/education of your remaining kith and kin takes a beating.
If you are the courageous kind, all friends and relatives who are implicitly trying to impose their expectations on you must be thrown out of the window quickly. If you must spend money give it to couple rather than the extravagant waste which creates other social problems. Do not negotiate with people who expect this kind of expenditure and hire local goons to beat them up if you cant do it yourself.If you think not enough people will turn up for the wedding if it is low cost send me an email and i can arrange for at least 5 highly educated graduate students visiting Delhi who will be grateful to join you and devour your delicious food and will be worth making friends with.
Think Rational. Take pride in the quality of your kids.
Anmol Ratan.
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