tHE aGe fAcToR !

Dear Jatlanders,

This elder – younger, earn – demand respect, mature – immature and fauji – civilian debate / discussion has taken place many times here. I have been seeing it since 2003. It often happens that members spew venom without any rhyme or reason. Many members have felt that they have been targeted, rightly / wrongly and have left posting on the forum. A person’s behavior reflects the upbringing he/she has had and the environment one lived / lives in. It is rather sad that on one side we say and feel that all other communities are against us and on the other hand we can’t tolerate each other’s comments. It can never be always ‘my way or highway’. I am rather surprised at this elder – younger argument when it comes to commenting on current issues. The worth of the comment should be seen and not the age, rank, seniority and experience. Having been involved in heated debates in this forum with many young and old members over the years, I have never felt the need to quote ‘who I am’ or ‘what I was’ in making a point. If your argument has merit people will see it, if not then keep quiet and agree to someone else who is trying to make a point that is logical. Where does age come in? In such social sites age should not come in. I am sure many of us must have watched Kaun Banega Crorepati. The Big B always addresses each contestant by saying JEE. So there is actually no harm if elders call youngsters JEE. It just means that the person respects your opinion and respects you for what you are. Let us not waste our energy in getting perturbed by non-essentials.

Age is just a number. There are many 60 year olds who behave like 16 (not that all those who are 16 are immature) and 20 year olds who speak like a 60 year old (not that all those who are 60 are mature). Please learn to differentiate between age and maturity. Being mature doesn’t mean being aged. That is applicable only for Rum and Single Malts!

Let us also not name members here. All those who know him, Dev Dahiya is wonderful person.

Let me end with a small couplet;

Ye duniya bhi ajab saraaye fani dekhi
Har cheez yahaan aani jaani dekhi;

Jo aa kar naa jaaye vo budhapaa dekha,
Or jo jaa ke naa aaye vo jawaani dekhi.

Best regards,

JS Malik
 
urmiladuhan said:
Societal rules/customs are different in different societies/groups. By society you probably mean the rural Jat society. I have already mentioned that I grew up/got educated in a cosmopolitan and also in foreign country. I have plenty of good experiences in societies other than rural Jat society - but had some trouble in the past fitting into the rural Jat culture, a culture that I am trying to understand.

Kindly state your social literacy score i.e., How many different societies have you successfully become part of?
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I was born in village. Started going to school in my nearest town Rohtak at age of 6. Went to Madhuban with some relative in class 3 at age of 9. At age of 15 joined hostel in Sonipat. Came back to Rohtak for one year but stayed in hostel. Joined Engineering College is Bahal Bhiwani. Have done job in Gurgaon, Noida,Ghaziabad and Delhi. Went to Europe for training of one month. Stayed there with dutch as PG. Now Staying in Bahadurgarh Working in Delhi and studying in Gurgaon. I feel that i am never considered alien anywhere.
But that does not makes any difference to my thinking that elders must be treated in a RESPECTFUL manner. I have seen a European of 50 years whistling for a girl of 16 behaving typically what we call Luccha and a bunch of mixed age group was laughing at site.

Now my question where you want me to fit in?
 
jagmohan said:
Dear Jatlanders,

....... The worth of the comment should be seen and not the age, rank, seniority and experience. Having been involved in heated debates in this forum with many young and old members over the years, I have never felt the need to quote ‘who I am’ or ‘what I was’ in making a point. If your argument has merit people will see it, if not then keep quiet and agree to someone else who is trying to make a point that is logical. Where does age come in? In such social sites age should not come in....

Age is just a number. There are many 60 year olds who behave like 16 (not that all those who are 16 are immature) and 20 year olds who speak like a 60 year old (not that all those who are 60 are mature). Please learn to differentiate between age and maturity. Being mature doesn’t mean being aged. That is applicable only for Rum and Single Malts!

Let us also not name members here. All those who know him, Dev Dahiya is wonderful person.

Best regards,

JS Malik
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Very true Uncleji,

I like your post . Age, rank, gender, salary band, hierarchy, seniority,qualification, experience, social status, caste, color should never be the attributes for respect/the way we address someone. Just treat everyone equal, atleast in the first addressing.

Many amoung us work for the kind of companies, where hierarchy is discouraged, such companies strive to develop a flat organisational culture. Eg. Our i-card's don't carry our designation/job level/rank. When you search for someone, search results never shows job level, age, qualification, experience/achievements. The e-mails we write to senior management/reporting manager and vice versa starts with 'Hi <first name>, Hi Folks, Dear <first name>, We don't have uniforms, don't have shoulder sleeve insignias, unlike hierarchy based organisations, defence, police, paramilitary forces. We greet/address our supporting staff e.g security, help desks, IT support the same way as our other colleagues. I have a few very active jatlanders as my office colleagues, couple of levels above me, couple of level down too. When we sit & chat the designation/rank doesn't differentiate us.

It don't mater to us if the elderly uncle living next door has retired as a librarian, primary school teacher, university professor, havaldar, colonel etc. We address them as uncleji, uncle in the first transaction. The degree of respect in future addressings & conversation depends upon how nicely, affectionate, warm, humble, knowledgeable he happens to be. Whereas, if he turns out to be a rude, admant, egoistic, boastful, sarcastic, unpolite, un respectful fellow. We might not even give a look, the next time he passes by us. Let alone greeting him with a fake smile. Unlike hirarchy driven organisations, we don't feel it as an obligation to stop, stand still & straight & salute/wish every senior ranking person who passes/drives by us, if we don't like him or his attitude.

I see no harm in adressing an elder as <first name> jee, bhaiji, bhaisahab, uncleji, Dear uncle. But if someone demands extraaa... he/she has to earn it, there has to be some reason for it. Respect is earned bothways, and that happens over a period of time.

The same way learning, knowledge/experience sharing also happens both ways. You don't outrightly reject someone's opinion just because you feel him/her unexperienced/im mature in your self defined parameters, and rather make sarcastic comments, uncalled remarks, as many guys do here both elder & younger ones.

I quoted him because for the way he used to write, with mixed expressions of emotions. I've known him well, and met a couple of times. He's a nice person.
 
Dagar25 said:
Thread is deviating from main topic.....I should interfere now... just put your remarks whether age should be shown or not....my dear members.....you should first tell whether you support my idea or not and then give your philosophical dose, evidences,instances or anything else in support of your views.The thread would not lead to any conclusion unless you give your opinion on the main point. Till now only two Members have giventheir open support.........Should I assume that others are not in favour of inclusion of age in brief profile. ( it is in respect of onlythose members who are willingly showing their age on their profile page.....and not about those who dont even want to disclose their age at all, so dont misunderstand that i am talking about all.)
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I have no issues in displaying my age. In Indian context, knowing the age helps to address the person appropriately. Otherwise accidents can happen. OP's sentiment is understandable.

Rest, Col Malik has hit the nail on its head. It would be great if everyone thought like him, but that's not the case.

There is a difference between genuinely respecting someone and deferring to age while talking to someone. Former is commanded and not demanded. But latter is expected in Indian context. You can't call even an 80 year old person as uncle in the West if he is not related to you - it is opposite in India. This is not a big moral question - it is just the same old "When in Rome,...".
 
rakeshsehrawat said:
I was born in village. Started going to school in my nearest town Rohtak at age of 6. Went to Madhuban with some relative in class 3 at age of 9. At age of 15 joined hostel in Sonipat. Came back to Rohtak for one year but stayed in hostel. Joined Engineering College is Bahal Bhiwani. Have done job in Gurgaon, Noida,Ghaziabad and Delhi. Went to Europe for training of one month. Stayed there with dutch as PG. Now Staying in Bahadurgarh Working in Delhi and studying in Gurgaon. I feel that i am never considered alien anywhere.
But that does not makes any difference to my thinking that elders must be treated in a RESPECTFUL manner. I have seen a European of 50 years whistling for a girl of 16 behaving typically what we call Luccha and a bunch of mixed age group was laughing at site.

Now my question where you want me to fit in?
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the place where you are most comfortable and happy - with people, with the culture.
 
life is not like this in real world that we respect our elders by judging their merits.sharam aur lihaz kiya jaata hai.
urmiladuhan said:
This is what I do when I first meet an elderly - give respect. But if upon further interaction with the person senior to me in age, I find that the person is less meritorious (in my humble opinion) than me, YET expects/demands from me to be subservient to him/her - that is when the problem arises and I refuse to comply to this force from the person senior in age.

Perhaps the problem is also in my this type of attitude.
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