The secular class
Meanwhile a Muslim gullible disciple jumps in and asks:
A gullible Muslim disciple: I go to mosques every Friday. Would I
have to be careful too ? Also would I have to meet some swami jis in
front of the media?
Mr. Secular Indian: No, this does not apply to you as you belong to a
minority community. In fact, if someone questions you about any aspect
of your faith, just call for protection of your rights and your
secular friends will take care of the rest. Talking about you meeting
swamis, this could severely dent your chances of being a secular
politician and your credentials might get questioned, even if you
have to do that, do it behind the cameras.
A gullible Muslim disciple: I find myself agreeing with the BJP
sometimes, especially about the introduction of a common civil code.
I feel a different civil code for the Muslims is only alienating them
and I do not agree with some of it’s clauses. How do I express this
view?
Mr. Secular Indian: Again, the golden rule is, you cannot agree with
the BJP at any cost. Even if the BJP is trying to do some good for
the minorities, you will need to portray the evil in it. These are
the times when your secular credentials will be tested. Remember, you
being a Muslim and finding any of BJP’s comment acceptable, can
spell doom to your political career. Common civil code might be
necessary for the upliftment of the Muslims, but it is not acceptable
to the Muslim masses. You can only take popular decisions in politics
irrespective of the consequences.
A gullible disciple: I believe we would need to work hard for the
upliftment of the minority masses to be called a secular.
Mr. secular Indian: Not necessarily, as long as you are anti-BJP and
are making speeches condoning Hindutva, you need not do anything,
just tell the minorities that you will protect them from the Hindutva
forces and hope they might vote for you. At the same time, it can be
dangerous if you try to bring a lot of development in the minority
dominated areas as this would mean land occupations for roads,
building, and schools instead of madrases etc.. It might be popular
among few, but the masses would not like it. Always stay away from
such controversies in the minority dominated areas. Moreover,
educating them might harm you in the long run, as you might not be
able to use them as vote banks.
A gullible disciple: What are the advantages of being a secular
politician?
Mr. secular Indian: Numerous! Firstly, it negates several ills. You
can be a gangster, a rapist or a murderer and you can still be called
a good politician with an honest ideology if you are secular. You will
be acceptable to all the secular parties and will never be treated as
an untouchable in politics. Moreover, if you have any criminal cases
or CBI cases pending against you, just lend support to a secular
party at the centre and be rest assured that all the CBI cases
against you will be withdrawn. Another advantage is you can win
elections without doing any public service. Look at all the states
which are dominated by these secular parties. They do not have to do
any public work or develop anything. These states continue to lag
behind in all human development indices. They know that as long as
they are secular, their chances of remaining in power are high.
A gullible disciple: How do I tackle riots which are so rampant in
our society?
Mr. secular Indian: Wait until the riots have subsided, you need not
mobilise any forces to tackle these riots. But make sure you put the
entire blame on the hindutva forces for the riots. Also portray the
BJP as an accomplice and be very vocal about it in the media. This
will exonerate you from being complacent during the riots. Look at
the Mumbai riots and Babri demolition for example. A secular
government was at the centre on both these occasions. They even
agreed to these events tacitly, if not directly involved and let
nature take its own course. But they make sure even to this day that
they blame the BJP for anything and everything that happened. I am
sure they could have done something about it, but they opted not to.
Instead, they used it to their advantage and portrayed the BJP as the
only evil. This is a great example of how you can maintain your
secular credentials by just blaming the BJP, even though you were
involved yourself.
A gullible disciple: Can you tackle Jihadi terrorism and maintain
your secular credentials?
