why do jat parents....

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navingulia

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Dear Members,
An observation I have been making for a long time now. I thought I will share with you all as I feel it is an important point.
I have noticed a tendency in Jat parents to criticise their children a lot. If the child is average they will say "ekdum naalayak hai, kisi kaam ka nahin hai, pata nahin kya karega. Nira bewkoof hai...." and all that. Even if the child is doing very good in studies they are not very positive. I recently met a parents, the child was getting around 70% but they were criticisin g him a lot.
Why do Jat parents criticise their children a lot? It breaks the child's confidence. A lot of parents say that they criticise because they want their children to do well but i feel the effect is opposite.
My personal experience says that criticism never motivates, it only discourages. Appreciation motivates the maximum.
If you see a bengali parent(or even a punjabi), even if the child is below average he will say "bahut intelligent hai, isme achha hai, usme achha hai..." and all that.
We are just as good as we think we are. So we should try to increase a childs confidence by appreciating him.
Please share your opinion about this.
Thanks
Navin Gulia
 
navingulia said:
Dear Members,
An observation I have been making for a long time now. I thought I will share with you all as I feel it is an important point.
I have noticed a tendency in Jat parents to criticise their children a lot. If the child is average they will say "ekdum naalayak hai, kisi kaam ka nahin hai, pata nahin kya karega. Nira bewkoof hai...." and all that. Even if the child is doing very good in studies they are not very positive. I recently met a parents, the child was getting around 70% but they were criticisin g him a lot.
Why do Jat parents criticise their children a lot? It breaks the child's confidence. A lot of parents say that they criticise because they want their children to do well but i feel the effect is opposite.
My personal experience says that criticism never motivates, it only discourages. Appreciation motivates the maximum.
If you see a bengali parent(or even a punjabi), even if the child is below average he will say "bahut intelligent hai, isme achha hai, usme achha hai..." and all that.
We are just as good as we think we are. So we should try to increase a childs confidence by appreciating him.
Please share your opinion about this.
Thanks
Navin Gulia
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Bhai Gulia
Jama tod baat kah di yaar tanne to! baakiayan ka te bera ni, pan bhai mere babu ne ne to mere lath tod rakhya tha. 1 punjabi dost bhi tha mera, uske gharan kade chale jao, uski maa thaka ni kardi uski ar uske bhai ke gungaan karti. Iib jaake kimme tareef hon lagi se jab aade US aa gaya ar scholarship laag gi.
Bera ni bhai, ke baan baith rhi se jaatan ke. Kade apne baalakon ki badhai karke raaji hi konya.
shayad bujurg log is forum pe kimme parkaash daal sakein ispe. Intejaar rahega kisike reply ka.

Sangwan
 
Motivation is necessary

Bhai Navin u r absolutly right. Instead of praising even they feel proud to criticise their childeren. Its in Jat hereditory not to praise their childerens even on their success also they dont feel need to praise. really un-understable. But i think motivation is necessary not only children but in every field of life. Its a tonic that stimulate our potential to do great thing, gives us energy to achieve success.
Jat parents behaves like Hitlers. ek chutkala hei na..

ek chorre ka babu usanne roj pit diya karta chotti-chotti baat pe. ek din us chorre ne pucth li k babu nu bata de tera babu bhi ke terr marra karta. babu bolya bete terr te mein kutch bhi na marta mera babu to maar-maar ke laal bana diya karta. chorra bolya ar mere Dada ka babu bhi usane pita karta. babu bolya re bete usanne bhi bahut maar kha raakhi thi.
choore pe na raha gya bolya " BABU NU BATA DE YA THAARI KHAANDANI GUNDAGARDI KADD TAAHIN CHAALEGI".
 
navingulia said:
Dear Members,
An observation I have been making for a long time now. I thought I will share with you all as I feel it is an important point.
I have noticed a tendency in Jat parents to criticise their children a lot. If the child is average they will say "ekdum naalayak hai, kisi kaam ka nahin hai, pata nahin kya karega. Nira bewkoof hai...." and all that. Even if the child is doing very good in studies they are not very positive. I recently met a parents, the child was getting around 70% but they were criticisin g him a lot.
Why do Jat parents criticise their children a lot? It breaks the child's confidence. A lot of parents say that they criticise because they want their children to do well but i feel the effect is opposite.
My personal experience says that criticism never motivates, it only discourages. Appreciation motivates the maximum.
If you see a bengali parent(or even a punjabi), even if the child is below average he will say "bahut intelligent hai, isme achha hai, usme achha hai..." and all that.
We are just as good as we think we are. So we should try to increase a childs confidence by appreciating him.
Please share your opinion about this.
Thanks
Navin Gulia
Click to expand...

My Dear Navin,

All Parents always love their children. Education makes it how they love, but they love them, yes.

Badan Singh
 
Two Sides

Bhai navin, iss majre ko thodda alag se samajhne ki jaroorat hei...thodda complex mamla hei. As i studied in the village and spent my prime years with our people and fortunately remaind in constant touch with them there after too,i have taken great pains to understand the broad psych of our people and in that light i would like to throw some realstic light on the topic in focus.


1. firstly more of the condemnation of a child comes from male segment and not from the female freternity. It is because rearing of children had been the job of Females in jat society[ atleast till they are young enough] basically because our male side had been busy in fighting for their survival since ages and then work outside home had been their responsibility and hence this occupation of theirs virtually left no time for the children except for a REBUKING DOZE sometimes when they found that the child was not listening to the mother. Also a FATHER FIGURE approach had been predominantly prevelent in our jat 'SAMAJ'......ROTTI KHALE NA TE TERA DADA MAREGA....TERA BABU TNE PEET GIREGA.....what i want to say is that jo vayvastha hazzaron sallon se chali aai hei wo abb bhi chal rahi hei. Yes there is a change in the attitude of educated jats but biggest culprits are these lower middle-Middle class jats[so called educated] specially in local towns who do use these words[ as you said ] very frequently. This is basically because their expectations are very high but mentality is the same what i highlighted above. People in villages never know as to what a child is studying and hence question of criticizing does not arise. They generally use phrases like ' Padhh le bhai na te biran ho jyga'.....'Kothhi mei hogya bhai'.......' Phlane ka chhora tehrween mei hogya bhai,chale ka padhhaka se.' What i want to highlight is that till such time a child is going to school regularly they don't ask any questions regarding what a child actually up to.


2. second point about not showing love and affection to child: Should i tell you that our parents [specially mothers] love their children wonderfully deep inside their hearts and their concerns for their children is much higher than other so called punjabi-bengali mothers.I was alsu rebuked and beaten many a times by my parents but never for a second i felt low on confidence or self esteem because inspite of their language and rebuking, i knew that they love me so much that these small words like..' fail hogga tu, arr bheekh mangta handde ga' etc-2 never even bothered me. Infact our jat parents pamper our children at times[on the contarary]. Yes as i said this new lower middle -middle class of parents, migerated/migerating to smaller towns are doing these things under pressure, which i feel needs to be curbed as it leaves a child confused........"DUVIDHHA MEI DOU GAYE MAYA MILI NA RAM."
 
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I won't be able to say how most parents feel, but certainly I can share how my father used to think about praising his kids. My father used to think that praising kids might install a feeling of "Ghamand" and which might become detrimental to the progress later on. He never used to criticise, but certainly he won't praise openly either. My mother did not have much to contribute on either of the fronts. For her my passing exams were more than enough. May be my father had a point in not openly praising. I value his judgement. As far as I am concerned, I praise and criticise my kids depending upon their performance. Of course after criticising, I always encourage them to be better next time.

RK^2
 
appreciation

Dear Dev Sir and RK Sir and BS Chauhan Sir,
1. Not for a second will i refute the point that Jat parents love their children a lot and will sacrifice all for their children.
2. The point is the need for a change in this attitude towards motivating a child. As we all know a taunt can never motivate, appreciation always motivates.
A childs appreciation of his parents love encourages the parents, the parents appreciation of their childrens abilities encourages the children.
Why I brought up this point is to bring forward this need for change. Even I myself realised the need for this change in recent years only.
Regards
Navin Gulia
 
navingulia said:
Dear Dev Sir and RK Sir and BS Chauhan Sir,
1. Not for a second will i refute the point that Jat parents love their children a lot and will sacrifice all for their children.
2. The point is the need for a change in this attitude towards motivating a child. As we all know a taunt can never motivate, appreciation always motivates.
A childs appreciation of his parents love encourages the parents, the parents appreciation of their childrens abilities encourages the children.
Why I brought up this point is to bring forward this need for change. Even I myself realised the need for this change in recent years only.
Regards
Navin Gulia
Click to expand...

Dear Navin,

Again I say :-

Education makes it how they love, but they love them, yes.

My good wishes to you.

Badan Singh
 
Well Said

Hi Navin,

Well said about Jat Parents.....it is absolutely true. For some reason they want to come out as harsh and as strict as possible...thinking that it will make kids better. To the contrary, it has been proven, and practised in US that one needs to give as much encouragemnt and support to kids in academics and sports as possible, without any critisism. Infact, i am a soccer coach for our local soccer club here and during our 'coaches training' it is stressed upon giving full encouragement to players.

It has nothing to do with the performance of child in academics or sports, but with what kind of a human he will be when he or she grows up. Its all about showing it.

Infact, I can count on my fingers the times my own Father gave me a hug, being an army officer(Doctor), it was not the "done" thing. But now, I give my kids a hug and say ' I Love You',every oppurtunity I get. And I get a 120% back.

We cant change what our parents did, but can all promise to ourselves to do different for our kids and grandkids.

Times are changing fast...and the Jat community better change, or we will miss the train !!
 
conclusion

It would be criminal on my part to in any way suggest that Jat parents dont love or sacrifice for their kids. Jat parents love their kids with all their life and sacrifice in all possible ways for their kids.
What i brought out was a tech point in bringing up kids. I myself am looking forward to becoming a parent and am determined to appreciate them and encourage them in all possible ways.
We, as normal human behavior, tend to criticise but criticism doesnt help in any way, appreciation does. Even when I appreciate my parents efforts in bringing us up, they are so happy and motivated the whole day. So, it works everywhere.
I only wanted to bring this point forward about appreciation. We have to realise its importance, even though appreciation maynot come naturally to us, it is a very important factor.
 
I think with changing times, the atitude of the parents needs to be changed too. This thing of not praising their kids has been gng on for ages, at times when people used to live in villages and there were like minded people around. When a child saw everybody around him (friends) being treated in the same way he/she wouldn't feel bad because it was how it used to be. But today a child sees his friends and peers getting accolodes for every little thing they do, he feels out of place. Also, in such a competetive era as ours, its critical that emphasis be given to such matters as it goes a long way in helping the child succeed.
I think its because of the changing times that this issue has started bothering young people.
 
Hi Members

I thinks praising on good deeds is good and criticising on bad things are good. So it all depend on the parents. My parents were used to do with me and now i did upto their expectations so far. So i beleive childrens can do well if they can be motivated by parents.

Abhimanyu Phougat
 
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