Kapil, i think you missed the point here. 'Shame factor' is also applicable in same-village marriage but couple still go ahead with it. 'Social-stigma and humiliation of family' is there in same-gotra marriage too, yet we have such cases. Why not then marriages in real 'cousins'??
If we have some 'krantikaris' for whom the love for each-other is far important than then any consequence of such an alliance, then why such 'krantikaris' are limited only to intra-village/intra-gotra marriages? A 'blind love' can happen in cousins too (if 'blind love' really overlook the social norms or consequences)!!
Regarding knowledge of law among such couples: I again disagree here; after getting married, first thing such couples do, is to approach court and asking for Police protection. Hard to imagine that they are oblivious to law!! Any thought?
Sunil, I am not talking of humiliation of the family, as you put it. But humiliation within the family. How many families would approve of marriage within cousins? We have seen enough cases where one family supports the same village/gotra marriage (and in some cases both support it like the kadyan-gahlawat case).
The crux of my argument is that most people's mindsets are conditioned in such a way that any hanky-panky with a cousin is a strict no-no. Even if in rare cases, some are doing it (as Jitendra pointed out that he has seen cousins flirting), they are wise enough to not take it to the level of marriage as they would be disgraced by ALL the relatives. But that is valid only in rare cases. In MOST cases, the mind is not even open to the possibility of a relationship with a cousin. The idea itself would be so abhorrable to most minds that it won't enter it. If the mind is open to it, and they don't fear being disgraced and getting cut-off from their families; then law is hardly an obstacle (compared to the bigger obstacles they have managed to clear). They can run away, change identities, change religions, etc. etc. You can think of it like multiple filtering process. The very first filter is very fine (thinking of marrying a cousin). If some people cross that filter (and u need 2 cousins on the same wavelength, one won't do); then you have another filter- response of immediate families and friends. Probability of crossing either filter is very low, and joint probability is lower.
While some people feel as strongly about gotra/village as they feel about cousins; the feeling is obviously not that widespread. The filters exist there too, but they are not as fine, so more people go through, increasing the probabilty of these events. But still these events are very rare (because of filters) compared to population size.
The mindset is conditioned by several things that happen in the environment- family, people one interacts with, place where one lives, even the movies one sees. I know south Indians, who have been born and brought up in North India, and for whom marriage with a cousin is a repulsive concept, despite the custom existing in their community. In fact, the rarity of the phenomenon is directly linked to how "wrong" that phenomenon is for someone, which is influenced by upbringing, family, surroundings, culture, etc. Marriage of Brother-sisters would be rarer than marriage of cousins, which would be rarer than marriage within the same gotra, which would be rarer than marriage in a different gotra (but restricted because of other customs). Most of the cases we see are of the last type, as that has the maximum chance of being considered "okay" by some individuals. You can test it out by opening a poll on this forum or inferring it from whatever discussions have been going on.
Most people have no idea of the finer nuances of ANY law unless they have to deal with it. As Vijay said, we don't know at what stage they got the police protection. Anyways, awareness or lack of it notwithstanding, I don't see law being a guiding principle when people get into relationships.
