How much does salary affect in arrange marriage.

[cooljat]

You missed my point. All I wanted to say that Salary should not be primary criteria while match making. Rather one should focus more on Boy's health, persona, attitude, Education, EQ (Not only IQ), Social status of family, Khandan etc. Nowadays people consider salary more which is not a good pratice as I told earlier what if guy loses his job next day? Salary and money is just a by product if guy has guts and caliber eventually money will follow him. People shouldn't make it Bania Business, shaadi aadmi se ki jaani chahiye peese se nahi!

I was talking about Arranged marriages only and I don't find anything humorous in the thread started by Shivam.

Okay, let me give my input. I think the question raised by OP itself was hilarious. I mean, what's wrong in finding out the salary? You know, if a girl says that she'd only look at the guy, his personality, her own attraction to him..whatever..I see a point. So, RESPECT (even if she is a fool)! It is her life- she can decide based on the parameters she chooses. But in an arranged marriage, a family is always going to be more interested in ensuring, first and foremost, that the daughter goes to a financially sound place. As you said, earlier people used to ask about social status and land owned. Why was that? Because that ensured that the girl's financial future was secure. Now the land doesn't generate as much income, relatively speaking (unless it is in a good location and gets acquired). And many more people are working in non-agricultural sector. So there will definitely be emphasis on salary.

And you talked about caliber and personality- someone earning a good salary has also done something to get that. Maybe he is hard working, or intelligent, or qualified or has a smart persona or whatever. It'd be funny if a family asks a prospective groom to take an IQ or personality test. Info. about salary, qualifications, etc. are a proxy to find out whether the guy is good enough for their daughter.

I also think that all those who wish that the boy's "real qualities" were looked at rather than his salary/qualifications are actually opposed to the arranged marriage system without having the guts to say so. It is in a love marriage that a girl and guy would get attracted to each others' "qualities", sometimes even foolishly or with rose-tinted glasses, but with honest, heart-felt emotions. Arranged matches have always and would always look at factors related to financial health.

PS: I hope no one construes it as my advocacy for or against love/arranged marriages because that's not the point. I think I am just telling it how it is.

 

[shivamchaudhary]

Okay, let me give my input. I think the question raised by OP itself was hilarious. I mean, what's wrong in finding out the salary? You know, if a girl says that she'd only look at the guy, his personality, her own attraction to him..whatever..I see a point. So, RESPECT (even if she is a fool)! It is her life- she can decide based on the parameters she chooses. But in an arranged marriage, a family is always going to be more interested in ensuring, first and foremost, that the daughter goes to a financially sound place. As you said, earlier people used to ask about social status and land owned. Why was that? Because that ensured that the girl's financial future was secure. Now the land doesn't generate as much income, relatively speaking (unless it is in a good location and gets acquired). And many more people are working in non-agricultural sector. So there will definitely be emphasis on salary.

And you talked about caliber and personality- someone earning a good salary has also done something to get that. Maybe he is hard working, or intelligent, or qualified or has a smart persona or whatever. It'd be funny if a family asks a prospective groom to take an IQ or personality test. Info. about salary, qualifications, etc. are a proxy to find out whether the guy is good enough for their daughter.

I also think that all those who wish that the boy's "real qualities" were looked at rather than his salary/qualifications are actually opposed to the arranged marriage system without having the guts to say so. It is in a love marriage that a girl and guy would get attracted to each others' "qualities", sometimes even foolishly or with rose-tinted glasses, but with honest, heart-felt emotions. Arranged matches have always and would always look at factors related to financial health.

PS: I hope no one construes it as my advocacy for or against love/arranged marriages because that's not the point. I think I am just telling it how it is.

Dhanyawad bhai, chalo hamari post ne aapko hansaya to sahi ..

 

[bhupindersingh]

wah bhai wah...yo thread pad ke to kati jee saa aa gya, itni to aajakal chutkale pad ke bhi haansi ni aandi jitni yaa thread pad ke aagi...

mere Nana ji ek baat bolte hai, ladke main koi aib naa ho (daru, bidi, jua etc.) & karje main naa ho, isse ladke gail hi chhori ka byah karna chave, chhori hamesha khush rawegi...& I do strongly agree with it.

Baaki ek kahawat hai, Jo palla pakad ri/ra ho, ussi gail byah hoga, aur kisi gail koni howe, chahe koi kitna bhi haanga kyun ni lale.

 

[virj]

Now-a-days I am encountering many parents with lots of questions and specially this questions bothers me.

I wonder importance of this question !! They (parents) may suppose how much their daughter has to spent , if this is the case, this may be strong case to run away from arrange marriage

भाई तनखा तो भुजे ही गे. या चिंता न हे उनने के उनकी बेटी कितने खर्च करेगी वे नु देखे हे के उनकी बेटी ने घर बेठे रोटी टूका खुवा देगा के नहीं हर सिर पे एक छात घाल देगा के नहीं. मतलब तसली करे हे के financially रूप त किसा हे. कदे कोई टोटे का मारोड़ा फसजा.

छोरे आले भी तो सारी enquiry बीठा दिया करे हे के छोरी का चाल चलन किसा हे. कोई चक्कर तो नहीं था गेल ने हर मोटी हे के पतली हे, धोली हे हक़ काली. हर कई तो मरेबटे नु भी भुज ले हे के गाड़ी कौनसी देवेगा जो नहीं भुजे वो घर देख के मोटा मोटा अनुमान ला ले हे

हे मिर्यार इसी इसी बात का बुरा नहीं माना करदे. आपकी छोरी तेने दें त पहली नु तो देख ए गा आगला के तू टूक खुवान जोगा हे के नहीं हर रही बात आगे जाके नौकरी छुटन की तो जिदे लोग सरकारी नौकरी ने प्रेफेर करे ह़े प्राइवेट त बाकि आगे की तो कोई नहीं बता सकता पर आज की तो तसली करे ही गे आगे का तो बस अनुमान लगाया जा सके हे . बता दे उनने अप्प्रोक्स(approx .) तनखा के जावे हे उनका जी सोरा होजा याले. बाकि सची तनखा तो कोई एक आधा ही बताया करे हे नु भी उनने बेरा हे

 

[sunitahooda]

विपिन जी आपकी इस पोस्ट नै एक सहेली की गैल बणी होड़ लिखाण नै मजबूर कर दी -

घर बार नौकरी, सुथरा बांका जवान सब कीमे देख कै ब्याही थी छोरी. छोरा सिविल इंजिनियर था आर उस टाइम मै या हॉट नौकरी मानी जाया करती क्यूंकि "ऊपर" की कमाई घनी होया करती. ब्याहे पाछे बेरा पाट्या के जो घर धरती प्लाट वगेरा दिखाये थे वे उस छोरे के बडे भाई के थे छोरे का उस मै साझा बी कोन्य था जबकि छोरी आल्या नै सोची अक्क सब किम्मे साझे का होगा. नौकरी बी इस्सी जगह होया करती उसकी के ऊपर की कदे कोए कमाई न होई. उनकी १०-१२ साल तक भुंडी खींच-तान चाली. छोरी नै बी अपने घर आल्या की काची-पक्की जानकारी मै करी होड़ गलती घसीटी १०-११ साल फेर वे न्यारे होगे.

वोह छोरा सिर्फ रोटी खुवान जोगा था बस . हो सके आटा न्यू ल्या देता होगा अक्क उस नै खुद बी रोटी तो खानी होया करे थी . इब्ब तनखा आछी हो पर मानस मूंजी हो तो घर क्याह नै क्यूकर बेरा पाटे? सब किस्मत की बात है. शादी ब्याह लाटरी का टिकट है

भाई तनखा तो भुजे ही गे. या चिंता न हे उनने के उनकी बेटी कितने खर्च करेगी वे नु देखे हे के उनकी बेटी ने घर बेठे रोटी टूका खुवा देगा के नहीं हर सिर पे एक छात घाल देगा के नहीं. मतलब तसली करे हे के financially रूप त किसा हे. कदे कोई टोटे का बेरी फसजा.

छोरे आले भी तो सारी enquiry बीठा दिया करे हे के छोरी का चाल चलन किसा हे. कोई चक्कर तो नहीं था गेल ने हर मोटी हे के पतली हे, धोली हे हक़ काली. हर कई तो मरेबटे नु भी भुज ले हे के गाड़ी कौनसी देवेगा जो नहीं भुजे वो घर देख के मोटा मोटा अनुमान ला ले हे

हे मिर्यार इसी इसी बात का बुरा नहीं माना करदे. आपकी छोरी तेने दें त पहली नु तो देख ए गा आगला के तू टूक खुवान जोगा हे के नहीं हर रही बात आगे जाके नौकरी छुटन की तो जिदे लोग सरकारी नौकरी ने प्रेफेर करे ह़े प्राइवेट त बाकि आगे की तो कोई नहीं बता सकता पर आज की तो तसली करे ही गे आगे का तो बस अनुमान लगाया जा सके हे . बता दे उनने अप्प्रोक्स(approx .) तनखा के जावे हे उनका जी सोरा होजा याले. बाकि सची तनखा तो कोई एक आधा ही बताया करे हे नु भी उनने बेरा हे

 

[virj]

शादी ब्याह लाटरी का टिकट है

स तो नुए सुनीता जी पर मानस आपकी जाण में तसल्ली तो करे इ गा. लोट्टेरी का टिकेट तो नहीं पर इतना जरूर रिस्क हे जितना एक पुराणी गाड़ी खरीदे जिद होया कर हे. एक नु कया करे हे मारे के engine ऊपर त तो ठीक लागे हे भाई इब इसके भीतर बडके तो देखा न जावे. लादे बोली देखि जा गी.

तो भाई शिव कुमार घना कायल ना होवे.

 

[vpannu]

I told earlier what if guy loses his job next day?

nyu soche gaye t chaal liya kaam. nyu t kaal ne bahu bhi mar sake hai, jab k bass chaalle hai kisse ka?

 

[akshaymalik84]

गलती किस की थी........छोरे आल्या ने झूठ बोल्या ....छोरी आलिया ने आस लगायी ...रिश्वत की कमी ल्यावेगा ....न्यारे करवा के ई मानी !!!!!

छोरी के किम्मे बस का होता ते खुद कमा खा लेंती ...
छोरा ब्याह ते पह्ल्याह भी भूखा रह्य करता के ..........आगले घर के के बेरा किसे हालात रहे हो .....किस तरिया बड़े पाले हो ...........


बेरा न पहलया की लुगाई इतनी सहनशील क्यूकर होया करती ....आज कल कियां के निचे बेरा न क आया रह सै......मेरा दादा कह्या करे मेरी सासू कियां ने टिकड़ पोते आंते कोन्या चिपक्नी सलवार पहरे से .....

 

[rakeshsehrawat]

चोखा तू जाट का छोरा है जै होता गुज्जर का तो तू किते फांसी खाए पाता धरती बिकन तें पहलाम वे छोरे ने कहया करते की यु सात फुट ऊँचा ओतडा /भीत / दीवार कूद के दिखा ताकि हमने भरोसा हो जया की यू म्हारी छोरी ने चोरी कर के तो खुवा देगा!

 

[shivamchaudhary]

तो भाई शिव कुमार घना कायल ना होवे.

भाई ये सादी-ब्याह में चलता रह है, कायल होके भी के होगा !!
भूपिंदर जी ने सही कहा है .. जित होनी है, उत अपने आप हो जागी ..

 

[shivamchaudhary]

गलती किस की थी........छोरे आल्या ने झूठ बोल्या ....छोरी आलिया ने आस लगायी ...रिश्वत की कमी ल्यावेगा ....न्यारे करवा के ई मानी !!!!!

छोरी के किम्मे बस का होता ते खुद कमा खा लेंती ...
छोरा ब्याह ते पह्ल्याह भी भूखा रह्य करता के ..........आगले घर के के बेरा किसे हालात रहे हो .....किस तरिया बड़े पाले हो ...........


बेरा न पहलया की लुगाई इतनी सहनशील क्यूकर होया करती ....आज कल कियां के निचे बेरा न क आया रह सै......मेरा दादा कह्या करे मेरी सासू कियां ने टिकड़ पोते आंते कोन्या चिपक्नी सलवार पहरे से .....

भाई, सहनशील की बात मैंने तो न्यू लागे है की वो बचपन से अनुशासन में रहवे थी .. और आजकल इस अनुशासन को लड़किया बंधन मानती है .... respect करने के लिए चुप रहना; डरना नहीं होता ..

 

[krishanbaloda]

भाई, सहनशील की बात मैंने तो न्यू लागे है की वो बचपन से अनुशासन में रहवे थी .. और आजकल इस अनुशासन को लड़किया बंधन मानती है .... respect करने के लिए चुप रहना; डरना नहीं होता ..

Shivam sir,

i totally agree with our point on discipline and Patient. but respect should come from both sides. if both sides respect each other then there is no need to be quit (girl) for "respect".

for e.g.

Apne gar m cup tut jaya kar s balak t, to bade ke kahe karan ,"dekh ke nahi chaal sakta"
bede n tood diya to, "ya jagah y mili thi cup dahran n"

many times girls are not responsible whatsoever is happening but they are blamed for that.
so the understanding of both sides is the only solution.

nu b kahe karan bade k, "ek haath t taali koni baza karti"

 

[shivamchaudhary]

Shivam sir,

i totally agree with our point on discipline and Patient. but respect should come from both sides ?? . if both sides respect each other then there is no need to be quit (girl) for "respect".

Mata-Pita apane bachcho ki respect and khayal dono karte hai .. .. fer kis side ki baat kar rahe ho ??

Baat hai samajhdaari ki .. Ma-Bapu kyun mana karte hai kisi kaam ko .. ispe sabhi ko bahut gaur se sochana chahiye .. nahi ki wo tumhari marzi ke khilaaf ja rahe hai ...

 

[krishanbaloda]

Shivam sir,mane to saari baat bata di ke-2 ho jaya kar s.

suppose, Ma-Bapu kayi baar ladki ki dress ko lekar hangama khada kar diya karan s. to ladki un ki pasand ke dress me school me jaati h. or school m sab us ki skirt ka mazak uda kar us ladki ka naam "petikote" dahr diya karan s.

to wa bechari school drop karan ke alawa kaya kar sakti h. is tarah ki situation me Ma-Bapu n bhi thoda sa soch lena chaye.

mere dada ji kahate hai ki respect aakhaya (nagar) me hoya kara s. na k derss m. sab n situation ar time ke sath badlana padta hai.

Sir sorry for arguing, But "Bhagavad Gita" m bhi kaha gaya hai k Change is the rule of this Universe. So we have to.

i agree with ur point that Mata-Pita apane bachcho ki respect and khayal dono karte hai

but they can't be 'Hakim Luqman', "Man who can never be wrong".

 

[shivamchaudhary]

Shivam sir,mane to saari baat bata di ke-2 ho jaya kar s.

Baat to bahut badhiya batayi hai, cup ki baat to sahi hai... isme samajhdari se kaam lena chahiye .. blame game to hamesha bekar hai.

suppose, Ma-Bapu kayi baar ladki ki dress ko lekar hangama khada kar diya karan s. to ladki un ki pasand ke dress me school me jaati h. or school m sab us ki skirt ka mazak uda kar us ladki ka naam "petikote" dahr diya karan s.

to wa bechari school drop karan ke alawa kaya kar sakti h. is tarah ki situation me Ma-Bapu n bhi thoda sa soch lena chaye.

Isse kayi baat ho sake se. Ab school dress to school decide karegi but school decide karna to parents ka kaam hai, aur aajkal to bachche ki bhi pasand chalti hai.

mere dada ji kahate hai ki respect aakhaya (nagar) me hoya kara s. na k derss m. sab n situation ar time ke sath badlana padta hai.

Bilkul sahi kahwe hai, wahi maine kaha "chup" rehna bhi iska ek matlab hai.

Sir sorry for arguing, But "Bhagavad Gita" m bhi kaha gaya hai k Change is the rule of this Universe. So we have to.

Absolutely. Change happens only when our vision changes.

i agree with ur point that Mata-Pita apane bachcho ki respect and khayal dono karte hai

but they can't be 'Hakim Luqman', "Man who can never be wrong".

Ab bachcho pe to saare faisale nahi chhod sakte, isse balak jiddi hota hai nai ki samajhdaar, waise bachche ki baat ko reject ka kaaran dena chahiye agar wo samajh sake to.

 

[prashantacmet]

.

mere dada ji kahate hai ki respect aakhaya (nagar) me hoya kara s. na k derss m. sab n situation ar time ke sath badlana padta hai.

.

JL ke saare members ke dada ji/dadaji/mummy ji/papaji yahi baat kahte hai . Fer bhi ya aankha aali sharam feel koni hondi eibb

 

[amitdabas22]

VP Ji sahi kahi aapne bhi......
aajakl chori k parents se jyda vo khud detail nikal le hai.........
aur aajkal kuch cheezo ki priority hai:
1) Ladke ki Government job hai ya private.
2) Salary kitni hai.
3) Property (Kille ya plot) kitne hain?
4)Ladke k parents bhi job kare hain ya ni? kare hain to badiya se.
5) Parivar chota hai ya bada?
6) Ladke k parents city me reh hain ya gaam me.

Ye 6 cheeze jyda puchi ja hain ladki walo ki taraf se...........
ebb hum bichare ladke kya kya me k pass hova?????????

Very good Vikas Bhai ! Good Analysis of the questions here :
Number 7 generally is : Ladke ke parents shaadi ke baad bhi gela rehnge ke nahi ?

 

[amitdabas22]

I think this is fair enough to look towards boy's salary.Because of high living standard & inflation today,being financially sound is must.Every girl wants some basic things like car,own house,going for outing once a week etc. because in a life full of unrest & stress,we try to find our peace from materialistic things.Morevover,you want to fit into the society you dwell in.So these things that were once a luxury are now necessity.Because of movement of girls in high flown professions,the living standard that they expect has rose,but since the roots of being finacially dependent on husband still prevail in society,they look for better earning guy.And when most of the boys also expect their wife to be working unlike past,why not the girls should look for money?It is actually the need of hour.And,it doesnt mean that boy's nature or family is not looked over,but a good salary is also important.Moreover,in past days,most of the boys stayed in their families,so if the family is finacially sound,that was ok but now because of neutral family concept,a girl has just her partner to rely upon for finances.So she has to consider his salary to decide.If we take luv marrg on other hand,the decision is fixed & based upon luv and not looking for the better options.So the salary or anything else doesnt matter much,because you look at your partner & not upon his salary.But in arranged marrg,you are open to look for the best choice always.Thats why you look at the guy's salary to have a comfortable life & every girl thinks she deserves it.

I think it would be wrong to say that Love marriages are based purely on attraction and not the earning potential of the guy.
No girl goes out with a guy for love marriage if she/her parents have not evaluated the guy thoroughly.
Its not the heer-ranjha love these days and more of a attraction due to similar studies/college/work place etc.

 

[ravinderpannu]

I think it would be wrong to say that Love marriages are based purely on attraction and not the earning potential of the guy.
No girl goes out with a guy for love marriage if she/her parents have not evaluated the guy thoroughly.
Its not the heer-ranjha love these days and more of a attraction due to similar studies/college/work place etc.

I agree with you,,
these days love happens only after evaluating the guy's salary,,..!!!
if it is teenage love,,it is purely attraction.,,!!!

 

[htomar]

shivam,salary ka pta hona jruri hai.jitni jyada hogi utna acha.
time badal chuka hai.pahle kya hota tha ki ladke ki family ke baare mai,uske chaal chalan ke baare mai pta chal jaya karta tha.
aajkal pta na chal pata.family ke cocail status ka pta chal bhi jaye to ajkal to achi family ke ladke bhi glat raste par chalte hai(pahle kam tha ye).
jaise ki filmo mai dikhaya jaata hai.pahle negative character alag se hi dikh jata tha.aajkal to waha bhi negative character jyada professional and handsome dikhta hai.wesa hi kuchh aaspaas bhi ho raha hai.
jaisa ki sunita ji ne kaha,fake bhi bta deta hai.recently 1 shadi hui thi ladke ke paas Mtech ki degree thi.baad mai pta chala ki polytecnic ka diploma hai bas real mai to.

aise koi parents nahi hote jo apni ladki ka bura chahte ho.koi kam salary waale se kar bhi shadi to humi logo mai se kayi mil jayenge kahne wale ki kya shadi ki ladki ki.ladki ki care hi naa rahi hogi.
jaise-2 needs , samaj badalta jaa raha hai.wese-2 hi in sab ki importance jyada hoti jaa rahi hai.

Gone the days,jab gaon ki ladkiya job waale se ye kahkar shadi na karti thi ki "mujhe na karni sarkaar ke naukar se shadi".aaj sab ko job chahiye and achi job.mujhe isme kuchh glat bhi nahi lagta.
mujhe aaj bhi yaad hai meri daadi ji btaya karti thi ki unki chhoti sister ne teacher se ye kahkar shadi ka mna kiya tha ki iski shadi to jyada jameen waale se kar di aur meri sarkaar ke naukar se karoge.

Every time, when we meet someone (specially boy) for an arrange marriage proposal, the mostly asked question is salary not about the person's attitude or other attributes.

Now-a-days I am encountering many parents with lots of questions and specially this questions bothers me.

I wonder importance of this question !! They (parents) may suppose how much their daughter has to spent , if this is the case, this may be strong case to run away from arrange marriage

Anyway, I am opening discussion about importance of this question and is this question harming or not a person's dignity ??