Bikharte Aashiyan

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devdahiya

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Worthy members, it is painful to note that the new generation is not able to cope with the institution of marriage properly in present times. When we had the joint family system,inspite of many married couple staying together and also inspite of the fact that boy or girl had no say in deciding as to whom they are married off.....things were better as compromise or family honours were considered bigger than the EGOS. But in present times inspite of the fact that a lot is left in the hands of the couple to be married in deciding the husband/wife to be, things are real bad. Inspite of the fact that joint family system is the thing of past and there are no large responsibilities of joint families on their shoulders, majority of couples are unhappy and their is lots of intolerance on their part. What has gone wrong as we see harrassment galore and courts are flooded with divorce applications............Where Are We Heading To ?
 
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once again, as I always say. let ur maa baap handle it.

kal ko ladki ne khat patt kari to kaan pe do baja dene ke. fir baaki tension maa baap ki. hehehe

Bhai mere idea se ye department maa baap ke bharose chode do.

and also, beta kuch khat patt kare to maa baap ko uske kaan tala do baja dene chahiyen.

ye rehpte ka tonic immediate kaam karta hai. expereice se bol raha hun.
 
Khatarnak ilazz

dahiyarules said:
once again, as I always say. let ur maa baap handle it.

kal ko ladki ne khat patt kari to kaan pe do baja dene ke. fir baaki tension maa baap ki. hehehe

Bhai mere idea se ye department maa baap ke bharose chode do.

and also, beta kuch khat patt kare to maa baap ko uske kaan tala do baja dene chahiyen.

ye rehpte ka tonic immediate kaam karta hai. expereice se bol raha hun.



Sumit yo te puranne jammane mei-e chal gya,...ibb nahin challe mere khyal mei.....rehpatta....LOL
 
Dev Ji!

I still think like this. I am a practical person. Sari duniya dekhi hai. And I have come to the conclusion that the old system works perfectly fine when it comes to arranged marriages.The logic is clearly low risk and high returns. If some Financial Analysts are reading this post, I would put it this way:

Arranged marriages lie on the northwestern side of the efficient investment frontier. ;-) wink wink.
 
Sumit, I think Dev ji sahi kehh rahe hain. Aaj kal yeh nahin chalta. Kaan ke neechey diya to atleast 2 cases to ho hee jaatey hai..
1. Dowry allegations...always upper hand for girl family
2. Chhori apne babu ke ghar bhaaj jaati hai...khaas baat yeh hai ki uska baap hee lene aa jata hai...

For second point, yeh mahol phone culture ne kharaab kiya hai. Beti ko thodi si takleef hui,, turant phone ghooma deti hai ki Papa yo ho gya...arr Papa ghar gaadi bhej deta hai ki beti tu chinta matt na kar...car mein beth ke aa jaa...hum sab dekh lengey...

Atleast jaton ke baarey mein to pata hai mujhe....aaj kal chhorey bade baap ki ladki se shadi ke chakkar mein rehtey hain...aur shaadi ke baad ussi ghar mein unki koi importance nahin rehti. Apni to kya woh apne maa-baap ki izzat bhee nahin samhal pata...u must know that this is happening in every second jat marriages. And it's a shame on guys!
 
itsnavin said:
Sumit, I think Dev ji sahi kehh rahe hain. Aaj kal yeh nahin chalta. Kaan ke neechey diya to atleast 2 cases to ho hee jaatey hai..
1. Dowry allegations...always upper hand for girl family
2. Chhori apne babu ke ghar bhaaj jaati hai...khaas baat yeh hai ki uska baap hee lene aa jata hai...

3. kuwa maie padjya, zehar kajya, fansi khale..
 
Jat girl consumes poison and dies

Day before yesterday one Jat girl died in Delhi after fighting a loosing battle.Within 10 days of marriage in 2002, the girl had to come back to her parents house and was fighting a court case since then. On 22 oct after the hearing in the court, this girl consumed poison and died supposedly due to a planned tauntings by her in-laws in the court. Sad indeed!
 
Some thoughts

If I put something wrong in this post please correct me.
You can't compare entire system which was existing earlier and at present.
In past men folks are suppose to earn and women folk used to maintain homes. Their work spheres were different. Women haven't got that exposure to the outside world as they got in present.
But they have given respect in the family. Remember the days when we used to ask for money to our dadi ma,not only kids even our uncle and dad used to ask for money from her.
Though she was not working but she was the manager of house.
But our generation is literate( Iwont say educated, because education doesn't come with degrees), girls went to IITs,IIMs,MS. They are doctor,scientists,engineers.
But sometimes I am not able to understand what kind of independence we girls have got, with our financial independance.
Ask guy what kind of girl he is looking for marriage.
He wont ask for much........ghani suthari na ho par Aishwarya Rai jaisi to ho,padhi likhi ho(hamare s/w wale bhai bolenge technical chaiye),kam te kam dahej mein 20-25 Lakh to laye dahej mein,maa baap ki seva bhi karein..............:) pher bolenge is te jyada kuch na chaiye,disc mein bhi chali jaaye aur parents ke aage ghunghat bhi nikaal le.
Ib bhai thoda compromise to karna pada sai,chalo perfect na mili to miltijulti hi sahi.
It will be unfair if I dun put girls perspective, they will tell bebe team member to mein bhi hun,byah to kise Project Manager gallan karvaoongi.
Scooty par to mein ibe aaoon,atleast uske pass Ikon to honi chaiye.
Localite..............noooonoooooooooo parents rahenge they will interfere in our life.
Now these two species of our generation get married, ego was already there which increases with time and lead to divorce.
I guess there is lack of understanding from both sides.
boys expect that working girls do all household chores as their home maker moms used to do. Girls are girls, India hai America nahi ,kaqhin bhi pahunch jao tumhe hamari baat sunani hogi..............generally we hear this.
Now how they expect a well educated,employed girls to take orders from their peers,I doesn't mean to say girls should n't do the household chores,should pay attention to their home but is is the right thing on the part of guys to put so much pressure on their partners,arre thodi si help kara do vaise hi khush ho jaati hai.
you can put your thoughts in proper ways so it wont look that one person is trying to dominate other. women are also individual,they have got their career. And if they try to carry on the responsibility of their work and home they should be respected and appreciated.
May be I am wrong by suggesting this to the girls, if u gals find it offensive please forgive me. We are educated(I wont say literate) ,and being educated we shouldn't try to confuse our self respect with ego.
we have to prove this that we can carry career and house responsibility eqally well.we are not only the good employees but gud wife,gud mother and a respected woman in society.
I know practical implementation of these ideas is quiete tough but not impossible.
Please forgive me if anyone have found something offensive in this.
PS Sumit bhai kaan pe b ajaane ke din gaye jaaaaaaaaaaago
 
Mera Khayal

I believe that there is nothing wrong in boy/girl having more say in deciding the person they want to get married to. The real problem is that the girl is not accepted as part of the family, she is always treated as "secondary" member of the family (atleast for first few decades). The family ought to respect her atleast as much as they expect their daughter to be respected by her in-laws.
Jat Bhaiyo, kaan ke niche pe bajaana is uncivilized to say the least. Agar hamari bahen ko koi kaan ke niche bajaaega to hume kaisa lagega.

-Kismat
 
No body is against the say part

Bhai Kismat singh ji, No body minds the say part of boys and girls...infact it is better for both of them and also for the family but question asked was not that.....rather the question was "why inspite of lots of freedom on the part of the couple, the things are bad."
 
Sab ne Badd Badd Karr lee.

Bhai hum to purane khayalat ke aadmi hain.

No matter what ya'll have to stay, main to kaan ke neeche do jabbardast jama dungaa. Arr case kiya tay thanedaar, vakeel, aur judge kay bhi do sata satt jama dunga. Aur uske babu kay bhi do jamaa dungaa. Arr susree ke bhai honge tay unke bhi jadd dunga.

This is the best part about arranged marriages. Haath khulla rehta hai. Ishaq visq ke chakkar mein padd gaye to haath bandh jaate hain. Chut te hee maa baap bolte hain: humne kahi thee love marriage karr.

Anyways, I really should even be talking about it. I have left it to my mother. Shes the commander in cheif on this issue. Baaki Jat bhai log jo padd rahe hain, wo bhi meri baat pe amal karnaa. Time badal jayen, lekin apni kaum ke taur tareeke nahin badalane chahiyen.
 
No I do not agree with the perception that we see the divorce cases on an increase because the new generation is not able to handle the institution of marriage. One can write endlessly on this complex issue but let me summarize the key factors here which seem to be the most probable cause in the separation cases hike.

1. The stigma associated with divorce.

Now-a-days this social and cultural stigma of divorce is dying away giving rise in number of divorce cases.

2. Education and awareness among women.

Women now are more educated which in turn gives them more freedom in all walks of life.

3. Financial status.

Essentially this can be attributed to education and awareness among the women that majority of them are working now and are financially independent which is THE most crucial player.

In earlier times there were no means for a woman to fall back upon even if they dared to think of getting separated and they were forced to drag their marriage no matter how awful it was.

4. Courage to walk out of a bad marriage.

Again I think this could be an offshoot of the fading social stigma associated with divorce and guess more globalization and realization of the status of these institutions associated with relationships across the globe.

5. Did I say Awareness and Education among women…:D

In essence, if you will observe keenly, all these factors are interrelated and not independent. But above all, its all about an individual I believe. Be it old times or current scenario, depends a lot on an individual per se as to how he/she deals with it. Unfortunately if all the efforts to make a marriage work fail then, I believe, it is rational to walk out of a bad marriage instead of dragging yourself each day and making you life hell. Isn’t it better than dying everyday?
 
I dont have a problem with women studying and advancing professionally. Lekin, meri bakwaas bardasht karne ki himmat nahin hai. Every one knows I am a shot tempered person. Chahe ladka ho yaa ladki, mera fuse udd gaya to bhot burra ho jata hai. hehehe...i am laughing as I write this. But if you ever get a chance, you must talk to my mother about this.

And I know in marriages, bhot bakwaas chalti rehti hai. Thats why I think men must tame their women once in a while. Atleast as long as they are physically strong. Now dont marry a heavy weigh lifter, nahin to roz uski bajaye tumhara number lagegaa. hahaha. this is funny. I can go on and on.
 
I agree partly

poonam said:
No I do not agree with the perception that we see the divorce cases on an increase because the new generation is not able to handle the institution of marriage. One can write endlessly on this complex issue but let me summarize the key factors here which seem to be the most probable cause in the separation cases hike.

1. The stigma associated with divorce.

Now-a-days this social and cultural stigma of divorce is dying away giving rise in number of divorce cases.

2. Education and awareness among women.

Women now are more educated which in turn gives them more freedom in all walks of life.

3. Financial status.

Essentially this can be attributed to education and awareness among the women that majority of them are working now and are financially independent which is THE most crucial player.

In earlier times there were no means for a woman to fall back upon even if they dared to think of getting separated and they were forced to drag their marriage no matter how awful it was.

4. Courage to walk out of a bad marriage.

Again I think this could be an offshoot of the fading social stigma associated with divorce and guess more globalization and realization of the status of these institutions associated with relationships across the globe.

5. Did I say Awareness and Education among women…:D

In essence, if you will observe keenly, all these factors are interrelated and not independent. But above all, its all about an individual I believe. Be it old times or current scenario, depends a lot on an individual per se as to how he/she deals with it. Unfortunately if all the efforts to make a marriage work fail then, I believe, it is rational to walk out of a bad marriage instead of dragging yourself each day and making you life hell. Isn’t it better than dying everyday?



Bebe katti theek kahya aapne ke agar na bantti ho te gudd-de thha ke likadd jyana chahiye....katti theek baat par bebe ek shaddi jaisse INSTITUTION ko chalane ke liye thodde ups and downs te hon-e sein....ibb sarri haan gulchhryan ki soch ke te jindagi konya katte? Expectations are damn high and tolerance very low...Mannoge ak nahin iss baat nei?
 
dahiyarules said:
No matter what ya'll have to stay, main to kaan ke neeche do jabbardast jama dungaa. Arr case kiya tay thanedaar, vakeel, aur judge kay bhi do sata satt jama dunga. Aur uske babu kay bhi do jamaa dungaa. Arr susree ke bhai honge tay unke bhi jadd dunga.

Sumit,
Tumhari yeh baat to theek hai ki arranged marriage mein haath khula rehta hai...thapadd to koi bhee maar dega...lekin aaj kal ladki wale bhee chupp nahin rehtey...unhone ek baar bhee tumhe maar diya na to muhh cupatey hue ghoomna padegaa..."Sau tumhare aur ek ladki wale ka"

Aur bandhu...maarney se koi faisla nahin hone wala kabhi bhee...maar ka mamla dabaya jaa sakta hai kuch time ke liye...thodi hawa miltey hee phir uth jata hai...
 
Bhai main to jarur jamaunga sabko ache ache. hahaha...

the thought just cracks me up. all standing in a line, getting the ideal gift from me. hahaha....

yaar navin baat to teri bhi jorr ki hai. mere jama diya to kisi ne. after who knows they may have some chandgi pehlwan as there relative. hmm socha padegaa.

bade din se haath khulte khulte reh jata hai. jab se yahan aaya hun kisi ke nahin jadaa. i badly feel like smacking the s***t outta someone.
 
dahiyarules said:
bade din se haath khulte khulte reh jata hai. jab se yahan aaya hun kisi ke nahin jadaa. i badly feel like smacking the s***t outta someone.

Achha hai main tumse door hee hun...bach gya..;-)
 
devdahiya said:
Bebe katti theek kahya aapne ke agar na bantti ho te gudd-de thha ke likadd jyana chahiye....katti theek baat par bebe ek shaddi jaisse INSTITUTION ko chalane ke liye thodde ups and downs te hon-e sein....ibb sarri haan gulchhryan ki soch ke te jindagi konya katte? Expectations are damn high and tolerance very low...Mannoge ak nahin iss baat nei?
Dev Sir, I do agree with you that high expectations and low tolerance are a problem. Marriage needs to considered as sacrosanct and people at first place should get married only if they are 100% commited to make it work (don't know how to measure commitment though ;)... sorry for the PJ). Both sides have to compromise and respect each other.

Yeh to aap bhi maanege ki kaan ke niche maarna is not the solution.
 
hahaha. u guys are funny.

rehptaa dharne mein utna hee majaa aata hai jitna khane me peeda hoti hai.

we should start a new thread on rehpta, discussing our favorite all time smacks.
 
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