Vishal, my advocacy for marriages within caste may sound a little conservative, but casteism is a sick reality of our society and that is the raison d’etre of our being here on this site. The very fact that even highly educated people like you, exposed to the cosmopolitan culture, lavish life-style, living abroad with all material comforts around, rubbing shoulders with bigwigs of the corporate world cannot control the intrinsic urge of socializing with the people of their own clan/caste, substantiates our innate caste bias ingrained deep in our sub-conscious. However, it is neither immoral nor against social mores to marry outside caste but the abysmally low success rate of inter-caste marriages and the disguised hostility of indirect stakeholders as well as the clansmen with medieval mind-set are major irritants. This is not to say that all inter-caste marriages are a flop show and all intra-caste marriages are failure-proof.VPSingh ji, i usually agree with bulk of the views you write, so I no longer write about things I agree with. You usually present a progressive yet pragmatic view point from various perspective, I have immense respect for your views, not only because of the friendship we have come to share in a short span of time, but mianly because of good analysis. So I will no onger do the formality of highlighting things i agree with (too numerous), I will just write where i disagree or have things to add or am additional perspective.
why should it be a taboo to be divorced (sustaining a bad abusive relationship at all costs, living to show to duniya (jhoota dikhawa) vs for own happiness, wonder how many will come to pay bills when you need money) or pre-marital sex (its part of growing up) or virginity (who cares, how doe sit matter, isnt it an outdated MCP attitude, if ever I have a daughter i cant expect her not to hv pre-marital sex or cant expect daughter-in-law to not have had a bf before my son, etc)
I agree if we can take families, wider society with us then challenges and risks in relationship are reduced with the wider support network and reduced negative pressure. Personally, I will try to learn from others mistake, take their advice yet take my own risks and carve my own path and if it means going down the least trodden path, so be it and I will be happy to face the music, good or bad. I would like to live my own life rather than emulate someone else's and I will do so by trying to free myself from unnecessary jhooti dikhawa, taboos, biases, dogmas - my 2cents worth![]()
Another important dimension which needs to be flagged in this analysis is that for men-folk or boys for that matter, these adventures may be a cake-walk but, in a caste ridden society like ours, the sailing for girls marrying in lower caste is not smooth.
Those who are financially sound and can afford to restrict their interaction with the extended family/clansmen are less prone to the criticism and sarcasm borne out of inter-caste marriages. But the people who are living in villages cannot afford to give the luxury of such alliances to their sons and daughters. Especially, in case of daughters no parent would like to militate against the dictates of extended family or khaps. In theory it sounds logical and scientific but in practice very difficult in face of all heavy odds caused by caste barriers and the present level of consciousness prevailing in our community. I am not a hardcore votary of any school of casteism but we cannot wish this sick reality away, at least in our life time.