^~@ Marriages are made in HeAvEn ?? @~^

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mhundpuriamann said:
This is not simple question shwetta ji , if u would have asked this question about 3 months back i'would have said "all bakwaas" {in a typical jat style} but now i can feel the seriousness of this question b'cause i have come across a strange phenomenon (am weak in spellings pardon me please!) called LOVE though it was one sided but this is strange thing , really. later i came to know that she was just playing with me and my mind . (she is actually from japan and works with me ) she provoked me to ask for marriage by her behaviour ( i think so !) we were going out for riding classes (horse riding) we used to remain (spelling problem) together even upto whole day (on weekends), going here and there in malls , on roads , outside bangalore,in bangalore everywhere, we were just meanderers. what was that if not love or attraction ? when i proposed her she kept silent and just behaved normally(better than normal) for 2 weeks , but u know we r jats and i'm a typical one ,i cdn't tolerate more and on a monday evening she just said flatly "no u r not that one" i was just shocked like anything , just got paralysed at the moment , what the hell that was ,was it the same girl whoe's behaviour was now like a stranger's.
point of whole stuff is that if ,if she would have accepted me than i'd have said "yes ,yes marriages r made in heaven" but the fact is just opposite now
i'm not understanding what the hell is this "fate" or heaven , i'm feeling broken down to the soul , to the core of my innerself , where is that god now who made this "fate" by which we met (i don't know actually what i'm writing now but these words r coming frm my heart, broken heart , and mind it broken is just not a word everyone can't understand this )
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If you permit me , an old man's view

It is the feeling of being rejected which you are finding to cope with.
I had asked my prospective bride on our first meeting itself if she would like to marry me and she responded wit an empathic YES
Had she replied with a No i would have also found it difficult to cope with.
Possibly she was enjoying the novelty of the company of a person from a different culture, possibly you misunderstood her body language she being from a different country with different value systems and and culture. You were also in an euphoria as possibly a person of opposite sex was taking interest in you and enjoying you company.

What has happened is possibly for the best for you, and the good thing is that you have shown the courage to talk about it. the sky has not fallen. Sorry if i sound like a father or a grand father , consider this from a friend good Luck BLS
 
neels said:
Shweta ...don yu think these threads on marriage n relationship r getting repetitive..!!! just a thot...no offence.
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Jib tahin Shweta ka byah na ho jaanta she is gonna keep starting these threads. :D

Looks like Seema struck gold...she too was into all this...but now is missing...
uski tae baat banngee janoo...
 
bls31 said:
If you permit me , an old man's view

It is the feeling of being rejected which you are finding to cope with.
I had asked my prospective bride on our first meeting itself if she would like to marry me and she responded wit an empathic YES
Had she replied with a No i would have also found it difficult to cope with.
Possibly she was enjoying the novelty of the company of a person from a different culture, possibly you misunderstood her body language she being from a different country with different value systems and and culture. You were also in an euphoria as possibly a person of opposite sex was taking interest in you and enjoying you company.

What has happened is possibly for the best for you, and the good thing is that you have shown the courage to talk about it. the sky has not fallen. Sorry if i sound like a father or a grand father , consider this from a friend good Luck BLS
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I too agree here. I think this is just a phase in life and is a blessing in disguise !

Had you been married to that girl, it would have been a tiring task to bridge this vast gap between you both. Her open behaviour and attitude must have been a source of increased interest of yours in her initially, but over a period of time this charisma would have died its own death, leaving you both tussling for a peaceful life ! Cultural gap to be bridged requires a lot of patience and many other virtues, and isn't that easy.
 
bls31 said:
Another extract will answer your about your next question your I will post another extract once this has been digested bu the readers. I do wonder as to why we drift away from the subject of the thread BLS

Coming to Dehra Dun had always been with a feeling of anticipation and excitement, much heightened this time, with anticipation of setting my eyes on my future bride. It was a strange journey as I had already fallen in love with the perceived image of my bride to be; it was ‘Love before Sight’ if some thing like that is possible.


The letter had enclosed within it a small a 2 ¼ x2 ¼ small print with six of the seven sisters including the mother jostling for space. Travelling all the way from Jalandhar to Dehra Dun I was trying desperately to solve the riddle of identifying my prospective bride I had been give no clue in the accompanying letter about her identity; third from left or fourth from right in first row or the second?

I fell in love many times but with the same person. I saw her and was ensnared on the spot, to remain for ever a prisoner of her web. Every one has some vague image in his mind of the one he wants to spend rest of his life with I was no exception and Rosy simply moved in the vague outline completing the picture. But this happened later.

First I had to face and qualify in an interview for which I had neither advance intimation nor time to mentally prepare for.
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It must have been a blessing to find that special someone this way, and I am sure you must have enjoyed that time when your mind and heart were experiencing this state of anticipation coupled with desperation !
 
About your next question I had never looked a girl that way earlier and had taken a decision that If I am taken to meet a girl I would marry her there was no question of saying NO, of course after ascertaining her wish BLS
 
Another extract from my book and for the current generation with the Mall Culture and parking on the steps to compare what the relations were way back in 1958 52 BLS
There were hordes of girls moving about in the college campus. For me who had till now studied in all male classes it was a totally new and disturbing experience especially with four of them in my class. One them was a Bong beauty with a pretty face and a mane of a luxurious hair fully conscious of her assets and her effect on the class. Every one in the class was in love with her some shy and a few more vocal and explicit in displaying their feelings than others. One day sadly she broke the joint hearts of the class and got married to a young Captain over-night transforming from Miss Chowdhry to Mrs Bose.

We crossed each other only once more nearly ten years later in Mhow in M.P. where most of the Army officers go either to be a trainee or teach. The passing encounter was at the Club RSI as it was then called she now the wife of a senior Major and I a young Lieutenant accompanied by my stunningly beautiful wife my ‘Love at First Sight’. There was a brief eye-contact and a flicker of recognition passed between the two of us. Sadly my class fellow of yore had lost her pride the luxurious mane of past was now a withered rope of life-less braided hair. I could feel from the fleeting change in her expression that possibly she was well aware of her lost aura. That day I realised that time can be so cruel especially to perpetrators of ‘Love at Far Site’. Though there was more still to come on issue of ‘The Love at Far Site’.


Advancing to M.Sc. Physics a barren landscape with no girls in the class we had to content ourselves by just wistfully looking at them from a distance moving in impregnable clusters. Some of them more bold and forward returned the favour by peering through the chinks in the ‘Chick’ hanging on the door of the Girl’s room fortuitously located facing our class a few eyes searching for someone in particular others just looking out at us the chanced fleeting eye contacts keeping us riveted at one place.

Also embarrassment at times; the three of us sitting at the table in the veranda of the department working on our practical notebooks indulging more in fun rather than work with Arjun, our own Jagmohan or Mukesh, singing with abandon and Satish beating the rhythm on the table-top with his fingers and I listening in rapt attention when some group of girls from the junior class would quietly pass by eyes down cast but amused by our antics, the seniors, perhaps with suppressed smiles.

None of us at that time had the faintest idea that cupid was waiting for us beyond the horizon, with a quiver full of arrows. The arrow aimed at Satish found its mark and hit him right in the centre of the heart with a devastating force from which he never recovered. I was a bit fortunate; the next one aimed at me, as the target, went awry and passed by just grazing me slightly and got lost some where. However, the latent pain of that minor injury does manifest at times, bringing back the memories of those days that were so special.
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I came to know much later that Arjun had dug a moat around him, for self protection from a girl who was also one of our own fellow class mates; he was already infatuated with a beauty whom he later married, unlike the heartbroken Satish. He was the luckiest of all in that his love was redeemed.


Delhi​
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Apart from the Girls seen for the first time in such numbers the more memorable event was the visit by Pandit Nehru when he sat on table with legs dangling in the quadrangle of the Arts Faculty and addressed us the students listening to him in rapt attention sitting on the grass in front of him. No security no protocol it was completely informal meet.

Come the Annual Exhibition of the Physics department Satish and I then in final year were detailed to man the stalls with exhibits. We found to his delight and my constraint and added confusion saddled with junior partners from the BSc class both girls.


The confusion in so far I was concerned more pronounced as we found ourselves once again in the same company when the President Rajendra Prasad was taken around the Physics department on his visit to the university.

This short contact of few hours each in case of Satish developed into a full-fledged romance over the years. Promises were made some were kept others fell by the wayside courtesy ambitions and different personal priorities. One took the path to higher science the other diverted to a career in Army. However, the old fires continued to burn in both the flames coming to surface of and on at chance meetings till she lost herself sadly to Cancer.


I being less bold and adventurous also perhaps more practical than romantic, post exhibition the contact continued with just fleeting meetings of crossing each other some times by chance at others contrived in the corridors or the dark and musty galleries of the Physics department. Occasionally a few words exchanged accompanied with, I confess, heightened pulse rate and increased heartbeats.

The last time I saw her was on the final day in the university when she asked for my notes and the Practical Note Book. Handing over the same to her I left with a heavy heart mixed feelings and a Goodbye never to see her again.

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Hi Shewta,

It does not really matter in what circumstances one meets another. Fete, God's will or a matter of chance.

The reality is we make that choice, We choose to accept or reject.

To some extent we attract circumstances, persons, events to manifest in our lives but we do not see our contribution, We do not like to accept the responsibilty that comes with making a choice.

If it works we become a false modest and if it fails then it is someone's elses fault.

So the answer is marriages (and everything else in our lives) are made by our intentions and choices, not in heaven or hell.

Regards,

Deepak

PS: Romance love as potrayed in media etc etc is nothing but a brainwash.
 
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deepakchoudhry said:
If it works we become a false modest and if it fails then it is someone's elses fault.
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Absolutely gorgeous thoughts !! :)

I dont know why people dont put their ego into a relationship ?
:)


For me it is something like this :

Ohh come on , only success is the choice , lets try my heart out in making it one :-)

I really believe that for those who have not been a success story in their realtions ( barring exceptions ) they had not put eough into it :-)

And that applies not for marriages or BF-Gf types but for any and every relationship.
 
deepakchoudhry said:
Hi Shewta,

It does not really matter in what circumstances one meets another. Fete, God's will or a matter of chance.

The reality is we make that choice, We choose to accept or reject.

To some extent we attract circumstances, persons, events to manifest in our lives but we do not see our contribution, We do not like to accept the responsibilty that comes with making a choice.

If it works we become a false modest and if it fails then it is someone's elses fault.

So the answer is marriages (and everything else in our lives) are made by our intentions and choices, not in heaven or hell.

Regards,

Deepak\






PS: Romance love as potrayed in media etc etc is nothing but a brainwash.
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Speaking of Responsibility I will quote from my book 'A journey through life' BLS With the priest giving his sermon and advice I was genuinely getting apprehensive of shouldering the responsibility of married life with the question hovering in mind about my ability to come to the expectations of the one sitting next to me with total faith in me and her future with me going through the ceremony I was not too sure if I deserved her or her total faith in me but I loved her intensely blindly and therefore I needed her.
The pictures taken of the two ceremonies the Vedic and the Anand Karaj show both of us with thoughtful and contemplative expressions on our respective faces what was disturbing at that time me I knew what was going through her can only be a matter of conjecture possibly the expectations of our being together apprehensions of entering a new family an unknown future or may be she was feeling a blank overwhelmed with the swiftly moving events of the last few days the yo - yo like swing between Yes and No and more no’s unknown to me but happening in front of her eyes of hopes surging and dying alternately till the last moment. Even in the group photos taken just before our departure she has that distance look in her eyes.
 
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