Should a widow remarry or not..?????

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vikasgulia222

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Most of the time blamed for the fate of their husbands in an environment in which remarriage for women is out of the question, widows in India are commonly condemned to solitary lives of misery.
But now as the time is changing we people have started talking about the freedom given to a widow to remarry and start a new life but how many of us accept this fact in our own life and how much..? When a person loses his wife then every member of his family and all relatives start thinking about his remarriage at the earliest but we don’t care that much if a woman loses her husband. We all know that a single woman without her own family is open to exploitation and harassment but still we let a widow to continue her miserable life on her own.

This kind of general opinion of our society towards widow remarriage stems from man's desire to monopolize all the good things in life.
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well as i have seen from my own eyes yes people do try to haras an widow or any single lady. i do except second marrige and i mean it but the thing comes here wuld the otherperson love her kids of first husband like own and mostly they donot know:(. they want to marry for money or for lady to care of his kids.

but ya if the person is good then women should she need love she has her share of life. and IN I AM SAYING OPENLY SHE NEED PHYSICAL ATACHMENT ALSO. when males need it then u not female. :mad:

but ya our socity thinks of male not female.........:rolleyes:
 
Shud a widow re-marry?

I must say its a good question raised here by you Gulia Bhai. My own Bhai expired in an accident and my bhabhi was merely 24-25 yrs and all relatives thought of getting her settled with my cousin but could not do it due to interference of my Mami and the age difference between the cousin and bhabi....Since then i have been feeling and i wish that i was in place of my Father and i could Marry my bhabi like my own daughter....woman also have feelings and when a woman accepts some other women's kids then why cant men accept some other men's kids?
 
Why should'nt she, unless she herself does'nt want to, I do not see any reason that should prevent her from remarrying.
 
Yes

When a vidhur can, why not a vidhwa ?

This is a challange to our young Jat bhais to

1 Have the courage to stand up to misplaced social dogmas

2 Have the large heartedness to accept and love the children that the widow may have from previous marriage.
 
Agreed, A widow should marry, if she wants too.
thanks gulia bro for raisin a nice topic!

rock on
Jit

sampuran said:
When a vidhur can, why not a vidhwa ?

This is a challange to our young Jat bhais to

1 Have the courage to stand up to misplaced social dogmas

2 Have the large heartedness to accept and love the children that the widow may have from previous marriage.
Click to expand...
 
I don't think among jats we have this as a big problem. Most of the time widows are married to brothers or cousins of the late husband. May be in some rare cases widows themselves decide not to remarry..Problem comes only when there is no suitable match in the family of late husband and lady has kids. Neither family nor widow will like to give away kids and marry some one outside late husband's family.

RK^2
 
rkumar said:
I don't think among jats we have this as a big problem. Most of the time widows are married to brothers or cousins of the late husband. May be in some rare cases widows themselves decide not to remarry..Problem comes only when there is no suitable match in the family of late husband and lady has kids. Neither family nor widow will like to give away kids and marry some one outside late husband's family.

RK^2
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well said r k uncle... agree with u....
 
A widow should remarry if she can find a suitable match or her family can arrange one. She should definitely remarry.

I remeber one case where a young army office expire just three month after marriage. His wife walked away with all the money to her parents house, leaving nothing for boy's parents. I don't know if somebody marry these kind of widows.
 
widow remarriage

i dont know how many women in rural households tell about their feelings

yes in cities where the views of people are different there are such women...

still whatever may be the case marriage shouldn't be a problem

but it depends whether the lady in question is ok with marriage or is she forced to get married...

and yes how many males are there who are ready to accept a widow as their wife.
 
Leave aside the technical and social aspect of widow/ widower marriage, let us now look at emotional aspects. Childern look at the parents as role model. Its extremely hard for childern to identify either of their parents with third person. Problem is even more difficult if childern are grown up. In most of the cases childern revolt openly or silently. One should prepare enough ground before jumping for the remarriage. If childern are grown up, one should prepare them mentally and gently, else it can lead to many problems later on for all the parties concerned. Whole thing might sound simple, but in reality its not so.

RK^2
 
sampuran said:
When a vidhur can, why not a vidhwa ?

This is a challange to our young Jat bhais to

1 Have the courage to stand up to misplaced social dogmas

2 Have the large heartedness to accept and love the children that the widow may have from previous marriage.
Click to expand...


Sampuran

You may not be aware, the widow remarraige among the jats, is not stigmatized as in the Sanathna Dharam Hindus.

Widow re marriage is actively encouraged, and has been since Vedic times.It has various names, Karewa, Chadar, and so on.

If the girl is of marriageable age, the remarriage is very actively encouraged.

In earlier tradtional times, to one of the extended family, or if none could be found to someone suitable from outside.

The question we are asking is,from an historical interest, why Hindu Sanathan Dharam dogma, separated from the Vedic stream which the Jats follow.

and also when did this separation occur?

If I could ask a technical question, and you do npt take offenec, how is that you do not know anything about this Jat tradition?

Could you share with us what goth you are, and what is your village ?


Ravi Chaudhary
 
Widow re-marrige is in no way forbidden or even stigmatised in Jat Society ...

i am quite young and have not been living in India for at least 10 years ..... and i also hail from an urban Haryanvi background and even i know it ......

i am quite surprised by the lack of knowledge of Jat Traditions among my senior blood brothers and sisters ......

thats really unfortunate ...........

My grandfather's (Nana) elder brother died in 2'nd World War and thus my grandmother who was his brother's wife was later was married to him.

And i know one of my friend's mother was also re-married in a similar way ...

so this is a common Jat Custom
 
i don see any reason.. y she sudn't re-marry..........its her life.. she can live the way she want...!!
i know.. our customs... log won't make it easy for her... but then.. its up to her... if she wants to live for others.. or for herself!!
 
well what i know a male presence makes lot of diffrence a lot. in socity:( remarrge helps a single women to survie:(
 
what is suitable match for her if she has very young kids?
can she marry to a unmarried person or she should marry to a divorced,widower,older than her...........?
If a unmarried boy wants to marry her will his family accept her and her kids or it will be a stigma to their family.
 
Inside husband's family is the only best option I can think and we Jats already follow that tradition. This way Childern get the best possible alternative. Emotional issues still remain, but I suupose one has to always compromise in life. Accepting elder brother's wife as one's wife and then adjusting to that is quite a big task and takes time. I have seen cases where younger brother's wife got married to elder brother who was widower. All said and done, there are strong emotional issues involved in all these relationships. Elder brother's wife who is supposed to be equivalant to mother till otherday can not enter the heart and mind as wife suddenly. Same is for younger brother's wife who is treated like a daughter by elder brother and then how to treat her like wife, is not an easy matter. I know even cases where widow bhabhi literally brought up her young Dewar like her son and then had to marry the same guy..I am sure these are very tough acts in practical life. whatever one might call them socially, emotionally they spell quite a nightmare.

RK^2
 
ravichaudhary said:
Sampuran

You may not be aware, the widow remarraige among the jats, is not stigmatized as in the Sanathna Dharam Hindus.

Widow re marriage is actively encouraged, and has been since Vedic times.It has various names, Karewa, Chadar, and so on.

If the girl is of marriageable age, the remarriage is very actively encouraged.

In earlier tradtional times, to one of the extended family, or if none could be found to someone suitable from outside.

The question we are asking is,from an historical interest, why Hindu Sanathan Dharam dogma, separated from the Vedic stream which the Jats follow.

and also when did this separation occur?

If I could ask a technical question, and you do npt take offenec, how is that you do not know anything about this Jat tradition?

Could you share with us what goth you are, and what is your village ?


Ravi Chaudhary
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Ravi Bhai,
Namaskar.
I think you got it wrong. And , my mistake as well, I did not think for the need to clarify.

There is no stigma to widow re-marriage amongst Jats. We see it all around. We have many cases within our village and kunba.
But they are all within the extended family, at the most.
What if the widow does not want to marry within the family ?
What if there are no marriageable men in the family ?
Should she be forced or feel compelled because alternatives are not available ?

When I said that we need young men to have the courage I as talking about being able to hold the hand of a widow who is an outsider, not from the family.

As RK bhai saheb says when children are also there, its a slightly difficult issue. The parents of the deceased boy have to approach it with lot of compassion and sense of duty to the widow, as their own daughter.

Somebody raised a point about a lady married to an armyman walking out with all his money. The sad part is that rules in India are made by uneducated men - uneducated in the culture of the soiety. It is like a village panchayat outlawing 'sagotr'marriage, but the Court declaring nothing wrong with that.
I guess, the moment an army man marriage, his parents cease to be his kin. The first plac goes to his wife. So as long as she is alive, in the event of the death of the man, all his property goes to the widow.

Obviously somebody who made this rule was convent educated half-Englishman, whose parents would have disowned him at the age of sixteen, like they do in Christian societies. Had he been Indian by education, he would have known that sons and daughters in India look after their parents and grand-parents till the samadhi.
 
Dear Sampuran bhai

We had a genuine feeling that you are unaware of jat traditions and jat ethos.
I mean equality ,dignity of labour,secular approach,and a pride in our history.

Though you have never said I am a jat, saying I may be mali,rajput or jat,sometimes you give vague references as I started this thread do we jats have......,

JAB BAT CHAL HE PADI HAI TO SAMPURAN BHAI SAHEB RAVI JI KE SAWALON KA JAWAB DE HI DIJIYE.

Are you a jat?
what is your gotr
What is your village?

These things apart,we really appreciate your concern for nation and your intelligence,but your hate for budhism,muslim,christian,and your strange logics that rajput took swords to defend hindhuism,jats are as scum as brahmans,they can be related to chamars and so on forces us to wonder what your real motives are?

So please clear the picture,even if a non jat you are most welcome.
 
rkumar said:
Inside husband's family is the only best option I can think and we Jats already follow that tradition. This way Childern get the best possible alternative. Emotional issues still remain, but I suupose one has to always compromise in life. Accepting elder brother's wife as one's wife and then adjusting to that is quite a big task and takes time. I have seen cases where younger brother's wife got married to elder brother who was widower. All said and done, there are strong emotional issues involved in all these relationships. Elder brother's wife who is supposed to be equivalant to mother till otherday can not enter the heart and mind as wife suddenly. Same is for younger brother's wife who is treated like a daughter by elder brother and then how to treat her like wife, is not an easy matter. I know even cases where widow bhabhi literally brought up her young Dewar like her son and then had to marry the same guy..I am sure these are very tough acts in practical life. whatever one might call them socially, emotionally they spell quite a nightmare.

RK^2
Click to expand...


What will happen if there is not any this type of match or there is no other person in their family. Can she married out of her family. If children will emotionally attached to someone who is not in thier family and she get marreied outside it is wrong.
 
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