divorce and kids

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OK....to sun bobbo.....If first finger of someone beside his/her toe is not equal in both legs...for example..one finger is longer tahn toe and other one is smaller than toe....it is barely to balance the marriage life....

In females , if the first finger is larger than toe..she will dominate over her husband.. :p....

bas itna hi kaafi hi...aage mat poochhna...:)
ok... its enough as m the dominating one :p
 
Ritu bebe !

I believe divorce is the worst thing that can happen to the kids but it is in their favour when a permanantly bad relationship between their parents finish. Atleast they wont have to suffer everyday.
 
wah wah hamender katti sahi baat kah di....
Husband/Wife buggee ke do pahiye kee tarah hai or eak bhee bugee ka pahiya theek se kaam na kare to bhai bugee na chalne kee. simle bhasa mai yo hee hall husband/wife ka se aur bhai uhh/neech to chaltee rah sei jindgee mai.
Aur wo jindgee kya jisme dhukh na hoon. Ladai bhee hotee hai aur wo tou part of life hai.
 
There are a few points I would like to state.

As yoginder pointed out by example , lets not get confused in words , taht is why I always like bullet points or a final conclusion and that is why every discussion thread should close with a summary of the possible conclusions.

Next I do not understand why we fail to capture the reality and also fail to assess the situation at large and are only swayed by a couple of personal example/experiences.

The most basic thing I learnt in probablity theory is that if the probablity of a particular event is 0.9 , it does not mean that over any realisation of 100 sample values we will get exactly the 90 in favour. Probablity and for that matter generalisations are abstract words/phenomenons and whenever we talk of anything but specific , we should talk ot things at large.

Who are you or me to deny that the conditions of Indian women in todays context is not one of equal. Who will buy her side of story if the husband is lacking in any of the domains of human existence! Men still have all the rights and women still lack plenty.

Lets not focus on the tail risk events , the bulk lies in the core. Apprecaite it , and take away from her should be an strong resolve to at least start from yourself. :)

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Sunita ji is right , everyone , husband , in laws , parents of daughters look upon the "wife" to deliver , to try and patch up against all odds with a hope that kills the "Wife" every second.
And yes women do play a part themselves by keeping on trying against the hope but then they will not have enough backing if they try and revolt.

The mental makeup of everyone needs to change , probbaly we are a generation off from that point.
 
yes sunita i know jispe bitati hai ossi ko pata chalta hai.par jab manne os 2 saal ke bacche ko dekkha na bechara ignore sa un attended sa bina ma ke haande tha.sach me manne oski ma par hi gussa aaya.ab isme gender biased ki koi baat nahhi.baap to paraya ho jaya karre par ma kukar chodd sakke hai dudhmuhhe balak ne.In this particular case reason of the divorce was that mom was having an extramarital affair.
What i realize that MOST OF THE TIMES it feels good to write on topics which one has never experienced and especially the trauma....i'm sure most of the replies are ASSUMPTIONS as NONE of YOU seem to be Divorcee....and most seem to be Unmarried. The topic is good, good intellectual replies too....so far these are not based on experiences. Why this word COMPROMISE is linked with only HUSBAND-WIFE's relationship? and why only a WOMEN is expected to do the tyag/ balidan/ and sawasva daan for HUSBAND? insult karney ki baat aaye to AURAT ka astitva kisi ko dhyan nahi aata aur Compromise ki baat aaye to sab aurat ki taraf dekhney lag jatey hain ki Aurat to mahanta ki moorti hai/ tyag aur balidan ki moorti hai/ Kshma ki Devi hai and sort of balh-blah thats been going on for decades....aur ye moorat-moorat chilla kar usko sahi mein PATHAR ki moorti hi samjha janey laga hai....who is lifeless/emotionless and not expected to EXPRESS EVER.... and no matter how wrong or mischievious the man has been the Women gets the blame for divorce and in most cases when women are forced to sacrifice their education & career for the sake of FAMILY & KIDS....the man suffers not so beautiful syndrome about his wife, gets rid of her and marriages a girl half of his age....while Divorce certainly gives bad effect on growing kids it still is a boon for the complete family, what would the kids feel seeing their father drunk every night abusing and beating their mother? or people still feel that its a good Training as KIDS STILL LEARN HOW TO BE A COMPLETE MAN?
 
the reason i started the thread was not at all why people get divorced........it was when parents get divorced.If it happens kids has to be with mom especially young kids..bcoz they are so tender.they need mom not step mom.and if mom can not take care of them dad has to atleast sacrifice his life for their sake by not getting married again if kids are in their teens. a teenager kid become rebellion when he has to accept someone other than their real mom and dad as mom and dad.
 
I am not able to understand your point of view. It appears that people are not ready to accept the idea/thought easily if someone say it directly in plain simple words.

spasht shabdon mein mera kahna hai ki....mujhe aapki 'gari ke do payion ko alag kar dene' ki baat par sahmati nahin hui....usi ke context mein likha tha apna reply

and very true, Sunita dear.....there are unmarried/unexperienced who are expressing their opinions here which they never seen or felt....May God never gift such bad experiences in anybody's life....gender basis can only be taken for individual case but for general discussion, females are also losing the values (hard but its truth)

Govt. is trying its best to deal in such matters and preventing ladies and kids from any such dreadful acts.....but what is being experienced is something just like shocking.....girls making full misuse of these govt. made policies and treating husbands as per their commands/wishes.....have seen and heard about many such examples in the society-educated one m talking about (with a complete knowledge of the family's background)....that's why both side families are so much doubtful while deciding for the other half of their child....rest its all destiny
 
Baat banane ko tou lage rahe and iska koi the end na se, par sachee bat yo se ki ye koi bhains aur bell (ox) ka tou mamla hai nahee ki pasand nahee aa raha tou painth (market for animals) mai ja bech do.
Bhai ye tou eak relation hai jisme samjauta karana padta hai. jaba dou bhai eak jaise nahee ho sakte to bhaiyon h/w kaise eaik soch ke ho sake te hai.
no one is perfect is this world, we have to compromise some where. If we can compromise then we wouldn,t be having any divorce issue. This stage only comes when no one is ready for compromise.

Ram Ram.
 
the reason i started the thread was not at all why people get divorced........it was when parents get divorced.If it happens kids has to be with mom especially young kids..bcoz they are so tender.they need mom not step mom.and if mom can not take care of them dad has to atleast sacrifice his life for their sake by not getting married again if kids are in their teens. a teenager kid become rebellion when he has to accept someone other than their real mom and dad as mom and dad.
after reading the abv post, i went back to see the title post of the thread, so as to learn wat this thread is all about ? so here is the 1st post.
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people get married and sometimes they do get along well and get divorced.its fine,but when parents get divorced.....its really life altering and emotional experience for a child.We went to a party last weekend and i saw two very young kids whose american mom recently divorced their indian dad.kids are now living with their dad and grandma has come to help him in raising them.both the kids are so cute ...... younger one may be 2 yrold and the elder one 3yr.
last yr someone in our neighborhood got divorced and i was telling my husband about that then my son intervened and said no mommy that can not be true their kids look so normal....i wont look normal if u guys ever get divorced.

wat shall i learn frm abv title post ??? :confused: ... people get married and sometimes they do get along well and get divorced ... i wonder if ppl get along well then y they get divorced??? :confused: anyway, my cryptanalysis failed miserably to learn as to wat am i suppose to write on this thread, cos i cannot draw any conclusion frm abv two posts, miles apart. at one pt. the originator is talking... then my son intervened and said no mommy that can not be true their kids look so normal at other pt. it says... par jab manne os 2 saal ke bacche ko dekkha na bechara ignore sa un attended sa bina ma ke haande tha.sach me manne oski ma par hi gussa aaya.

y people get divorced... ?
when parents get divorced... ?
kids have to be with moms... ?
kids need mom, not step-mom... ?
dad has to sacrifice... ?
dad must not marry again... ?
teenagers b.cum rebellion if parents get divorced... ?

on wch subject shall i answer... anyways, watever little i understood is... tht this thread its talking sumthin' abt DIVORCE... so here r my views once again... as simple as A B C ... ;););)
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DIVORCE is a cusrse !!! lets admit tht... i wud say, both husband nd wife r responsible... however proportions may differ in individual case(s). eventually nd quite obviously the biggest sufferers in any case r the children. parents, most often forget the interests of their children, the implications on the psyche of a child in order to justify their false pride/ego... or watever... !!!
 
Bhai my toes are perfectly normal. I do not know much about my romance lines on my hands.

Rahi baat relationships ki, I am taking a break now. I will get back in the game soon....:)

Let me gain the experience of my palmistry knowledge.:D........can u send me a blue print of ur left and right hand's palms.:p.....i want a subject like u for my research...........;)

BTW..two simple questions...is the first finger beside ur toe is larger or smaller than yr toe ( in both legs)?.......:cool:

How many marriage/romance lines do u have in ur palms....

P.S..It's not a joke dear..plz take it seriously...thanks in advance :)
 
Parent Alienation
Source of attachment: http://www.divorceandchildren.com/divc-blog/?p=3

This one's good... http://childrenofdivorceblog.com/

Book 1: "The Truth About Children and Divorce" by Robert E. Emery
This unique book combines the compelling guidance of a renowned researcher and the sensitivity of a practicing therapist and divorced father to help parents and children emerge strong, independent, and ready to move forward.

Book 2: Financial planner Linda Leitz has a new book out to help divorced parents talk with their kids about money. Called "We Need to Talk: Money & Kids After Divorce," Leitz's book is designed to help parents understand how the financial strains of divorce affect children and how they can help children feel able to do their part to make things easier financially without feeling the adult-sized burden of financial worries.

Thanks!
 
Ek Joke and that will clear why this thread is right/wrong –

There was a guy in Bombay and went to hospital with his wife to deliver an eight baby. When they entered into room, a doctor came. She unhappily asked why you are having eight baby? How will afford it?
Patient said that –
oos samay aisa lagta hai kee mai puree Bombay ki dekhbaal kar sakta hoon.

So!!! We should not think about marriage like this. Marriages in the past have survived because of good sanskaar and patience/compromise. We are loosing that today. There will always be exception, which means that will be bad kids all the time.

So point is, some viewer looking at the origin of the problem (which is root cause) and some are looking at the after affect of the issue, which will keep coming if root cause is not diagnosed. I prefer the root cause analysis.

Anotehr example –
We should stop drinking alcohol rather than drink socially/regularly and then look for cure. That way we finish it from the root.

Ritu Ji, as you are a female, it is the duty/magic of female in the family which can change this.

There is saying in English that when Father learns then only he learns but when a Mother learns, whole family learns.

Lets get together today raise a voice to Mothers and get together. This forum is not a bad place.

Regards
 
Ek Joke and that will clear why this thread is right/wrong –

There was a guy in Bombay and went to hospital with his wife to deliver an eight baby. When they entered into room, a doctor came. She unhappily asked why you are having eight baby? How will afford it?
Patient said that –
oos samay aisa lagta hai kee mai puree Bombay ki dekhbaal kar sakta hoon.

So!!! We should not think about marriage like this. Marriages in the past have survived because of good sanskaar and patience/compromise. We are loosing that today. There will always be exception, which means that will be bad kids all the time.

So point is, some viewer looking at the origin of the problem (which is root cause) and some are looking at the after affect of the issue, which will keep coming if root cause is not diagnosed. I prefer the root cause analysis.

Anotehr example –
We should stop drinking alcohol rather than drink socially/regularly and then look for cure. That way we finish it from the root.

Ritu Ji, as you are a female, it is the duty/magic of female in the family which can change this.

There is saying in English that when Father learns then only he learns but when a Mother learns, whole family learns.

Lets get together today raise a voice to Mothers and get together. This forum is not a bad place.

Regards

थैंक यू सुरिंदर जी फॉर द enlightenment... कहाँ थे अब तक आप, यू आर बैडली required एट जाटलैंड.
;) कृपया दर्शन देते रहा कीजिये. मुझे पूरा यकीन है, की आप पूरे जाटलैंड की देखभाल कर सकते हैं. :D:)
 
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Ek Joke and that will clear why this thread is right/wrong –

There was a guy in Bombay and went to hospital with his wife to deliver an eight baby. When they entered into room, a doctor came. She unhappily asked why you are having eight baby? How will afford it?
Patient said that –
oos samay aisa lagta hai kee mai puree Bombay ki dekhbaal kar sakta hoon.

So!!! We should not think about marriage like this. Marriages in the past have survived because of good sanskaar and patience/compromise. We are loosing that today. There will always be exception, which means that will be bad kids all the time.

So point is, some viewer looking at the origin of the problem (which is root cause) and some are looking at the after affect of the issue, which will keep coming if root cause is not diagnosed. I prefer the root cause analysis.

Anotehr example –
We should stop drinking alcohol rather than drink socially/regularly and then look for cure. That way we finish it from the root.

Ritu Ji, as you are a female, it is the duty/magic of female in the family which can change this.

There is saying in English that when Father learns then only he learns but when a Mother learns, whole family learns.

Lets get together today raise a voice to Mothers and get together. This forum is not a bad place.

Regards
Many times people have just incompatible personalities. They just can't get along no matter what. Sometimes in the marriage the husband dominates and is sher in the house and does what he wants. Basically abuse at any level. Emotional, psychological etc. if not physical.

It can work the other way too.
The women can engage in emotional/psychological abuse too.

Also marriages survived in the past not mainly because of good sanskars but because womenfolk were financially totally dependent on their husbands. Also divorce/separation was a taboo in society in the past.
Let us not be ideal and turn away from reality.
 
Wahi to baat boli hai mane kee aisee nobat hee na aaye kee aapka dimaag extreme soch par chala jaye.

Another example – When a manager is hiring today an employee, he is having a straight thought that if he does not like him he will terminate him. Whether it is west or in India. A length of an employment today is 2-5 years max. West is even worst. This had got nothing to do with good/bad economy. When you have that opinion then normally you end up terminating. Exactly same thing applies to marriage also. People say we are going to see if it goes well. Your opinion drives your mind and changes your emotions accordingly.

What I mean is Social drinking may not be bad but most of the alcoholics are born out of social drinking. So lets not touch it at first place otherwise we may have to open another thread at www.jatland.com about the treatment of the alcoloic issues. ;)

The compatibility issues have been there since the universe existed. My main point is not to think about extreme steps. If a husband and wife has decided that no-matter what we have raise our kids then that will happen. They can leave peacefully with and without separation and raise kids provided they that intention. That intention comes from sanskaar etc. Again, exceptions are always there.

Two neighbour can live happily w/o taking talking if they are incompatible. At the same one can be haavi and argue everyday.

These things were there earlier also but the volume has gone high. This is point I want to raise.

Agar aapko aub bhee nahi samajh aaya to batao. Mere paas ek aur dusara rasta hai samjhane ka.

Regards.
 
Wahi to baat boli hai mane kee aisee nobat hee na aaye kee aapka dimaag extreme soch par chala jaye.

Another example – When a manager is hiring today an employee, he is having a straight thought that if he does not like him he will terminate him. Whether it is west or in India. A length of an employment today is 2-5 years max. West is even worst. This had got nothing to do with good/bad economy. When you have that opinion then normally you end up terminating. Exactly same thing applies to marriage also. People say we are going to see if it goes well. Your opinion drives your mind and changes your emotions accordingly.

What I mean is Social drinking may not be bad but most of the alcoholics are born out of social drinking. So lets not touch it at first place otherwise we may have to open another thread at www.jatland.com about the treatment of the alcoloic issues. ;)

The compatibility issues have been there since the universe existed. My main point is not to think about extreme steps. If a husband and wife has decided that no-matter what we have raise our kids then that will happen. They can leave peacefully with and without separation and raise kids provided they that intention. That intention comes from sanskaar etc. Again, exceptions are always there.

Two neighbour can live happily w/o taking talking if they are incompatible. At the same one can be haavi and argue everyday.

These things were there earlier also but the volume has gone high. This is point I want to raise.

Agar aapko aub bhee nahi samajh aaya to batao. Mere paas ek aur dusara rasta hai samjhane ka.

Regards.
Bilkul sahi kaha aapne Surinder ji ....

Saari baat hi soch ki hai ........ jab kisi ko pata hoga ki koi dusra raasta hai hi nahi .... issi ke saath jeena hoga aur issi ke saath marna padega to uski 'approach' all together different ho jaayegi .... wo apne aap hi buraaiyo me achaayi dhoondhne ki koshish karega/karegi par agar ye dil me baitha ho ki doosre raaste bhi hai aur jyada mushkil bhi nahi hain tab 'approach' bilkul alag rahegi aur choti se choti buraayi bhi 'untolerable' ki list me chali jaayegi .....

Aajkal rishte bante hi kahi na kahi 'sandeh' ko dimaag me rakhkar hain .... aur yehi wajah hai ki mauka paate hi wo sandeh dimaage par haavi ho jaata hai .... warna sahi baat kahi aapne ki compatibility issues hamesha rahe hain aur hamesha rahenge par 'sehensheelta' ko hum jab tak taak par rakhte rahenge kabhi kisi cheez me khushi nahi dhoond paayenge .... chahe wo shaadi ho ya fir naukri ya chahe kuch aur ho .....

Crux of the problem lies in the attitude & perception that lies behind.

Non-compatibility is no reason for divorces, the real reason in such cases is that belief which ensures a person that there are other ways out in case the marriage fails. It has nothing to do about being dependent on one's spouse or not.

There are few things & issues upon happening of which a partner will just walk out of the relation - out right, irrespective of his or her dependency level on the other partner. But for all other reasons dependency level is just an 'excuse' and not a 'protection' !
 
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shweta i agree with you mostly and especially for this optionthinking,if we do not have options for other relations why for this.......
but i disagree with you on the dependency part bcoz i have seen it.woman do stay a lot of times in a troubled relationship only bcoz of this dependency.quote=shwetadhaka;179506]Bilkul sahi kaha aapne Surinder ji ....

Saari baat hi soch ki hai ........ jab kisi ko pata hoga ki koi dusra raasta hai hi nahi .... issi ke saath jeena hoga aur issi ke saath marna padega to uski 'approach' all together different ho jaayegi .... wo apne aap hi buraaiyo me achaayi dhoondhne ki koshish karega/karegi par agar ye dil me baitha ho ki doosre raaste bhi hai aur jyada mushkil bhi nahi hain tab 'approach' bilkul alag rahegi aur choti se choti buraayi bhi 'untolerable' ki list me chali jaayegi .....

Aajkal rishte bante hi kahi na kahi 'sandeh' ko dimaag me rakhkar hain .... aur yehi wajah hai ki mauka paate hi wo sandeh dimaage par haavi ho jaata hai .... warna sahi baat kahi aapne ki compatibility issues hamesha rahe hain aur hamesha rahenge par 'sehensheelta' ko hum jab tak taak par rakhte rahenge kabhi kisi cheez me khushi nahi dhoond paayenge .... chahe wo shaadi ho ya fir naukri ya chahe kuch aur ho .....

Crux of the problem lies in the attitude & perception that lies behind.

Non-compatibility is no reason for divorces, the real reason in such cases is that belief which ensures a person that there are other ways out in case the marriage fails. It has nothing to do about being dependent on one's spouse or not.

There are few things & issues upon happening of which a partner will just walk out of the relation - out right, irrespective of his or her dependency level on the other partner. But for all other reasons dependency level is just an 'excuse' and not a 'protection' ![/quote]
 
Bilkul sahi kaha aapne Surinder ji ....

Saari baat hi soch ki hai ........
Non-compatibility is no reason for divorces, the real reason in such cases is that belief which ensures a person that there are other ways out in case the marriage fails. It has nothing to do about being dependent on one's spouse or not.

There are few things & issues upon happening of which a partner will just walk out of the relation - out right, irrespective of his or her dependency level on the other partner. But for all other reasons dependency level is just an 'excuse' and not a 'protection' !

I appreciate your thought on this Topic and I do agree with you that ' dependency is just an excuse and not a protection'.
 
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