Rightly said, such situations not just affect a single person's life but of many others. Its really very tough to negotiate because in such situations, the helping hands decreases in numbers while the twisting eyebrows rises giving rise to a very predicament situation and lives of many become a gamble !
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Rightly said, such situations not just affect a single person's life but of many others. Its really very tough to negotiate because in such situations, the helping hands decreases in numbers while the twisting eyebrows rises giving rise to a very predicament situation and lives of many become a gamble !
Agree that people are lacking in the committment.And the reason I see behind, besides others, is that people are losing on some very crucial attributes which can take a relation forward amongst sun & shade consistently.
Getting into different relations at one given time ---few observed facts are,,,, different kinds of needs...some are met,, some not met with one relation... so ppl look out at the sources to gratify them.
Reasons for walking out - indulgence into high comfort zone, ease, no compromise attitude, and no accountability. Only I stands, I , my happiness, my wish, my wants, my needs, n my desires.
If it's easy to change one partner for another, where's the incentive to develop staying power in a relationship?
Whereas Marriage is a highly responsible relationship that not only demands personal commitment of both the spouses, but, is bound by social and legal provisions that tend to enforce responsibility and accountability. It demands high levels of sincerity, cooperation and compromise as the costs involved are very high.
I am a firm believer of the institution of marriage or be it any other relationship and will never favor the option of walking out as long as the problems are due to some differences or issues and the things can be worked out.
But then, will never advocate to carry on while one isn't willing and the other is suffering all the humiliation just to keep the outer shell of this so called relation which is all hollow from within,,,,,and there the problem lies in taking a bold decision only.
shwetadhaka said:Problem lies not just in trying to make a stiff decision and arrive at a choice, problem arises when the other person involved takes the relation in a completely different way and is not willing to part away! Imagine a situation where a person with two kids desires a separation and his wife is completely dependant on him and more than that, loves him dearly and is ready for any sort of improvements at her end. And such situations are not just imaginary or just limited to plots of some useless TV serials, it has entered common households! Reasons several, but result one : Immense pain and a lifelong strive to bear the burn of a failed relationship and much more !
So much to say on this.... but maybe my views may sound revolutionary or too strong to digest....so wud restrict only to say..... why women are so "helpless, dependent, parasitic being" till date.
We talk of Women Empowerment a lot these days. Empoweremnt doesnt mean that you are working and earning. It means to stand for the Self. I feel shocked that Why the women of today still dont want to come out of the image of- "Abla jeewan hae tumhari yahi kahani....."
Whtever, I m going with what I had to say, and this can be for either of the sexes-
In the given situation also I will say,,,, have a control on your emotions...don let any one rule over you. Loving, sacrifising, compromising is fair as long as yu are also getting something. but when the other person doesnt care for you, you also stop caring and worrying about it. the more you become vulnerable, the more you will be exploited. It is much much better to live alone with dignity rather than an ever insulting n humiliating relationship. So instead of being Exhausted and exasperated maintaining the noise of wedding bells ringing and digging the brain; be strong to learn to live without the alms of the person you love. This is what I meant in my thread Poverty of Soul,, don let your soul be a beggar of love. Love cant be demanded or begged. It ll be only mercy then. The more you show your weakness for love n realtion, the more the other person will control you and exploit. Ofcourse pain ll be there,,,,n no less infact.... but lesser than the pain, humiliation and the rejection of daily basis.
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Agree that people are lacking in the committment.
Getting into different relations at one given time ---few observed facts are,,,, different kinds of needs...some are met,, some not met with one relation... so ppl look out at the sources to gratify them.
Reasons for walking out - indulgence into high comfort zone, ease, no compromise attitude, and no accountability. Only I stands, I , my happiness, my wish, my wants, my needs, n my desires.
If it's easy to change one partner for another, where's the incentive to develop staying power in a relationship?
Whereas Marriage is a highly responsible relationship that not only demands personal commitment of both the spouses, but, is bound by social and legal provisions that tend to enforce responsibility and accountability. It demands high levels of sincerity, cooperation and compromise as the costs involved are very high.
I am a firm believer of the institution of marriage or be it any other relationship and will never favor the option of walking out as long as the problems are due to some differences or issues and the things can be worked out.
But then will never advocate to carry on while one isn't willing and the other is suffering all the humiliation just to keep the outer shell of this so called relation which is all hollow from within,,,,,and there the problem lies in taking a bold decision only.
So much to say on this.... but maybe my views may sound revolutionary or too strong to digest....so wud restrict only to say..... why women are so "helpless, dependent, parasitic being" till date.
We talk of Women Empowerment a lot these days. Empoweremnt doesnt mean that you are working and earning. It means to stand for the Self. I feel shocked that Why the women of today still dont want to come out of the image of- "Abla jeewan hae tumhari yahi kahani....."
Whtever I m going with what I had to say, and this can be for either of the sexes-
In the given situation also I will say,,,, have a control on your emotions...don let any one rule over you. Loving, sacrifising, compromising is fair as long as yu are also getting something. but when the other person doesnt care for you, you also stop caring and worrying about it. the more you become vulnerable, the more you will be exploited. It is much much better to live alone with dignity rather than an ever insulting n humiliating relationship. So instaed of being Exhausted and exasperated maintaining the noise of wedding bells ringing and digging the brain; be strong to learn to live without the alms of the person you love. This is what I meant in my thread Poverty of Soul,, don let your soul be a beggar of love. Love cant be demanded or begged. It ll be only mercy then. The more you show your weakness for love n realtion, the more the other person will control you and exploit. Ofcourse pain ll be there,,,,n no less infact.... but lesser than the pain, humiliation and the rejection of daily basis.
I don't think Nari is Abla at all. Who says in all extra-marital relationships its only the man to be blamed. All such relations have a man and a woman as party. Who says that only men cheat? Women are equal cheaters. It can begin from either side. Its a very complex issue. To me a relationship is like a Shama and Parwana relationship. Its worth sacrificing one's life for someone we love. I don't beleive in any further analysis.
RK^2
I don't think Nari is Abla at all. Who says in all extra-marital relationships its only the man to be blamed. All such relations have a man and a woman as party. Who says that only men cheat? Women are equal cheaters. It can begin from either side. Its a very complex issue. To me a relationship is like a Shama and Parwana relationship. Its worth sacrificing one's life for someone we love. I don't beleive in any further analysis.
RK^2
Quite right
Quite right
Its not a man-woman attitude we are evaluating pertinent to the subject being discussed, rather we are just debating upon the urge that rises so often nowadays to exit one relation and enter some other to seek newer shelter.
People come and go, life moves on ! We eat, laugh, and live but something precious do melts away and we find ourselves less of something, whenever someone special goes far from us, and this is relationship ! Relations can be interpreted by different people in different manner, different perspective. The world is full of some relations which we can name, but more than those are the ones which cant be binded within the pedals of any name ! What will we call a person whom we notice daily sitting idle at the end of our street, the person whom we often see running while we are on our way to office ? And, moreover these are just simple kind of associations which we often don’t name, but feel. Beyond these simple ones are some complex relations into which people fall, many a times unknowingly, and are left wondering whats the way out, is it correct to feel this way, are we doing wrong to someone genuine, are we sharing our pocket of feelings with someone not known to the society as someone legally in relationship with us ! And so rises a relationship which the society may not see with a welcome eye, but the people in the relationship see no evil in that. Cant say who is wrong and who is right, its situational at times, but no doubts such instances are on an all time high ! is this a problem, or anything just socially less acceptable, or an evil just like many others ?
Relationship is outcome of our attitudes.Those who seek people to meet their ends meet will have a different kind of shallow relationship where as those who are kind and serious about mutual benefitting and learning will certainly have longer lasting[may be eternal]relationship.We all get connected to the environment through the observation,eye contact,touch,feel,spoken words and in so many other ways.In fact we have ekind of relationship with every surrounding we pass bye even if it is momentry that is basically because of our faculties being active all the time.In a way we feel connected to a begger on the street whom we see every day irrespective of whether we spoke to him or donated him something or not..that is because we have feelings and kind of feelings we carry in side us will dictate the level of relationship and kind of relationship...including the length of any relationship.It is a vast topic and sou much can be wirtten on this topic.
Its not a man-woman attitude we are evaluating pertinent to the subject being discussed, rather we are just debating upon the urge that rises so often nowadays to exit one relation and enter some other to seek newer shelter.
Unless until we understand the science of relationship, there is no way we can understand this urge of exiting or remaining into any relationship. All one needs is the basic knowledge of chemistry to understand any type of relationship. I can certainly write on the scientific aspects, but it will be boring to most of members here. May be we organise a half day seminar on this topic like we organise trade meetings and scientific meetings.
RK^2
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samarkadian
Active member
In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.
This is a foundation of any relationship, not just intersexual ones, but family, business, etc. relationships as well. It is a dynamic that is always in effect.This principle isn't so much about 'power' as it is about control.
Later.
This is a foundation of any relationship, not just intersexual ones, but family, business, etc. relationships as well. It is a dynamic that is always in effect.This principle isn't so much about 'power' as it is about control.
Later.
I don't think Nari is Abla at all. Who says in all extra-marital relationships its only the man to be blamed. All such relations have a man and a woman as party. Who says that only men cheat? Women are equal cheaters. It can begin from either side. Its a very complex issue. To me a relationship is like a Shama and Parwana relationship. Its worth sacrificing one's life for someone we love. I don't beleive in any further analysis.
RK^2
RK Sir, You totally missed my point. What I said about women was particularly to one example mentioned by Shweta.... Read the next line before the last paragraph...
neels said:Whtever, I m going with what I had to say, and this can be for either of the sexes...
I ve seen males also feeling terribly vulnerable when their partners leave them for any reason. Ofcourse it can be from any side. And surely its a very complex issue, and those who had had a problem free life can never understand the issues like controlling... power... dependence...helplessness. Scientifically its a give n take relationship... if there 's a balance in it , all fine...or it wont be a pleasant relationship at all.
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In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.
This is a foundation of any relationship, not just intersexual ones, but family, business, etc. relationships as well. It is a dynamic that is always in effect.This principle isn't so much about 'power' as it is about control.
Later.
Absolutely Right Samar.
In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.
This is a foundation of any relationship, not just intersexual ones, but family, business, etc. relationships as well. It is a dynamic that is always in effect.This principle isn't so much about 'power' as it is about control.
Later.
True...letter by letter Samar.
For any relationship to thrive one ought to take charge.When we talk of mutuality it does not work.One out of the Two has to be wiser not to get carried away.Maturity and passion are the two keys for any heart out relationship.We tend to ruin ourselves by sticking to useless egos which are nothing but momentary madnesses.If i am convinced that i must love and seek a person then i must do that with complete passion at my disposal.Half hearted and doubtful feelings always lands a person in dungeons.It is not a child play.It stems from a desire to love and get loved...or feel for some one deep inside.It does not come by fluke or trial and error.Serious yes very serious concerns are called for to love the surroundings.
Keep it Simple....
Dear All,
An interesting, important and apt subject, fit for freewheeling comments.
Relationships? A very complex issue like members have commented. No one can give conclusive answers or remedies for questions that arise out of ‘relationships’. There seems to be no thumb rule either. Scientific answers are found and fed to public as per the economic viability of their acceptance or otherwise.
Because there are no set answers to situations arising out of relationships, it would be wrong to say that what is applicable to a given situation is a set template answer for all individuals. “Sawari aapne saaman ki khud jimmewar hai” is the greatest learning that I have assimilated from the famous Haryana Roadways bus. This sentence is written in almost every one of them. This means that each and everyone of us is fully responsible for the consequences, good, bad or indifferent, that are a fallout of getting into any and every relationship. Some relationships we inherit because of our birth. No issues there. Say if I am a single child of my parents then I can do nothing about it. My experiences in life may be different than others who are not in my position. Therefore, every individual will have to bear his own cross.
Another point that I want to make is that somehow I have come to believe in a very important phenomenon, and that is that each and every individual will experience all emotions that this world has to offer in his life time. The frequency, intensity, result thereof etc will vary for each individual but everyone will go through those emotions. There are too many emotions to list here and I am sure you all must have experienced most of them, and if not then my best wishes are always with you.
The last point is also too obvious to be missed, but people find it difficult to accept. A human being is the worst thing that happened to mother earth. We can have a separate discussion on this point though. Human being is the most scheming animal there ever was or will be. We have the ability to never let others know what our true ‘Charitra’ is. We possess the best possible traits and the worst possible ones too. In public we come across as personification of all that is good but in real lives the realities may be quite the opposite. Therefore, let us do some internal path finding and I am sure all the answers are crystal clear.
Warm regards,
JS Malik
Dear All,
An interesting, important and apt subject, fit for freewheeling comments.
Relationships? A very complex issue like members have commented. No one can give conclusive answers or remedies for questions that arise out of ‘relationships’. There seems to be no thumb rule either. Scientific answers are found and fed to public as per the economic viability of their acceptance or otherwise.
Because there are no set answers to situations arising out of relationships, it would be wrong to say that what is applicable to a given situation is a set template answer for all individuals. “Sawari aapne saaman ki khud jimmewar hai” is the greatest learning that I have assimilated from the famous Haryana Roadways bus. This sentence is written in almost every one of them. This means that each and everyone of us is fully responsible for the consequences, good, bad or indifferent, that are a fallout of getting into any and every relationship. Some relationships we inherit because of our birth. No issues there. Say if I am a single child of my parents then I can do nothing about it. My experiences in life may be different than others who are not in my position. Therefore, every individual will have to bear his own cross.
Another point that I want to make is that somehow I have come to believe in a very important phenomenon, and that is that each and every individual will experience all emotions that this world has to offer in his life time. The frequency, intensity, result thereof etc will vary for each individual but everyone will go through those emotions. There are too many emotions to list here and I am sure you all must have experienced most of them, and if not then my best wishes are always with you.
The last point is also too obvious to be missed, but people find it difficult to accept. A human being is the worst thing that happened to mother earth. We can have a separate discussion on this point though. Human being is the most scheming animal there ever was or will be. We have the ability to never let others know what our true ‘Charitra’ is. We possess the best possible traits and the worst possible ones too. In public we come across as personification of all that is good but in real lives the realities may be quite the opposite. Therefore, let us do some internal path finding and I am sure all the answers are crystal clear.
Warm regards,
JS Malik
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Dear All,
An interesting, important and apt subject, fit for freewheeling comments.
Relationships? A very complex issue like members have commented. No one can give conclusive answers or remedies for questions that arise out of ‘relationships’. There seems to be no thumb rule either. Scientific answers are found and fed to public as per the economic viability of their acceptance or otherwise.
Because there are no set answers to situations arising out of relationships, it would be wrong to say that what is applicable to a given situation is a set template answer for all individuals. “Sawari aapne saaman ki khud jimmewar hai” is the greatest learning that I have assimilated from the famous Haryana Roadways bus. This sentence is written in almost every one of them. This means that each and everyone of us is fully responsible for the consequences, good, bad or indifferent, that are a fallout of getting into any and every relationship. Some relationships we inherit because of our birth. No issues there. Say if I am a single child of my parents then I can do nothing about it. My experiences in life may be different than others who are not in my position. Therefore, every individual will have to bear his own cross.
Another point that I want to make is that somehow I have come to believe in a very important phenomenon, and that is that each and every individual will experience all emotions that this world has to offer in his life time. The frequency, intensity, result thereof etc will vary for each individual but everyone will go through those emotions. There are too many emotions to list here and I am sure you all must have experienced most of them, and if not then my best wishes are always with you.
The last point is also too obvious to be missed, but people find it difficult to accept. A human being is the worst thing that happened to mother earth. We can have a separate discussion on this point though. Human being is the most scheming animal there ever was or will be. We have the ability to never let others know what our true ‘Charitra’ is. We possess the best possible traits and the worst possible ones too. In public we come across as personification of all that is good but in real lives the realities may be quite the opposite. Therefore, let us do some internal path finding and I am sure all the answers are crystal clear.
Warm regards,
JS Malik
Yup...agree with you ...if we can just be natural self all emotions will flow from inside in right degree and at right time and life will be bliss irrespective of the hardships we all endure.Doing it is believing.
Lets talk about it seriously ! SITUATION 1
Read so many diverse kinds of views, and got some new perspectives to look at the matter. Now, let me jot down some budding trends in relationships which look creepy as the basic factor which must form the basis of any relationship, comfort level and mutual understanding, has been put crossways with a big question mark nowadays.........................................................Situation 1 : Relations which we get by virtue of birth and we cant seek separation from them : A son leaves his house for higher education, gets a new environment, gets addicted to intake of excessive liquor, falls prey to many vices and becomes a womanizer. He cant even study without having cigarettes every few minutes, but manages to complete his course any how as his young body could bear the burden of his vices at this point of time. Parents forcefully get him married with a hope that he will improve with his ways of life. Son knows he is not correct, but finds him unable to change, have tried many a times but now he is assured somewhere in his heart that now he an all together different person, he doesn’t feels happy when he is with family as he used to feel earlier, and many other things……….. He finds himself full of double guilt, first that he is not doing well to himself, second that he is doing good to no one but cant change himself now, he has accepted that it’s too late now! Now, he cant stand his parents complaining every now and then and just cant live with them anymore. Fed up of his wife telling him not to do this, think about future and all this seems utter bullshit to him. He is not even happy with himself, work pressure of office, peer pressure; just everything around him is dark. If one has to live, he has to inevitably have some things to drive pleasures from. He now seeks pleasure from outside his family, and leaves all morality lessons on hold. He wants to be free, and there being no problem in reality, but owing to some ego problems, over reactions from family at times, burgeoning mental anxiety, he makes his life fall the way it will take him…. May be he is making good money at work, may be society sees him as a good and happily living person, but the world within him is dark and gloomy, his family neglected and dejected……. Everyone around but all alone ! Members of family smile, go out, look normal, but their heart filled with oceans of all sort of gloomy feelings – And such situations are increasing in reality, more so in metros.
Read so many diverse kinds of views, and got some new perspectives to look at the matter. Now, let me jot down some budding trends in relationships which look creepy as the basic factor which must form the basis of any relationship, comfort level and mutual understanding, has been put crossways with a big question mark nowadays.........................................................Situation 1 : Relations which we get by virtue of birth and we cant seek separation from them : A son leaves his house for higher education, gets a new environment, gets addicted to intake of excessive liquor, falls prey to many vices and becomes a womanizer. He cant even study without having cigarettes every few minutes, but manages to complete his course any how as his young body could bear the burden of his vices at this point of time. Parents forcefully get him married with a hope that he will improve with his ways of life. Son knows he is not correct, but finds him unable to change, have tried many a times but now he is assured somewhere in his heart that now he an all together different person, he doesn’t feels happy when he is with family as he used to feel earlier, and many other things……….. He finds himself full of double guilt, first that he is not doing well to himself, second that he is doing good to no one but cant change himself now, he has accepted that it’s too late now! Now, he cant stand his parents complaining every now and then and just cant live with them anymore. Fed up of his wife telling him not to do this, think about future and all this seems utter bullshit to him. He is not even happy with himself, work pressure of office, peer pressure; just everything around him is dark. If one has to live, he has to inevitably have some things to drive pleasures from. He now seeks pleasure from outside his family, and leaves all morality lessons on hold. He wants to be free, and there being no problem in reality, but owing to some ego problems, over reactions from family at times, burgeoning mental anxiety, he makes his life fall the way it will take him…. May be he is making good money at work, may be society sees him as a good and happily living person, but the world within him is dark and gloomy, his family neglected and dejected……. Everyone around but all alone ! Members of family smile, go out, look normal, but their heart filled with oceans of all sort of gloomy feelings – And such situations are increasing in reality, more so in metros.
Read so many diverse kinds of views, and got some new perspectives to look at the matter. Now, let me jot down some budding trends in relationships which look creepy as the basic factor which must form the basis of any relationship, comfort level and mutual understanding, has been put crossways with a big question mark nowadays.........................................................Situation 1
A real sad situation I must say, invited upon himself by the collective efforts of his parents, wife, society and his own doings. I can also understand that this is not a hypothetical case but a real one. There are plenty of examples in neighborhood akin to this.
If two people agree to each other at all times then surely one of them is abnormal, if not both. This is universally applicable. In this case the fault can’t be assigned to one individual or one event. Even considering this example to be true, there must have been a series of wrong decisions taken because somehow an atmosphere of ‘materialism’ existed in the family. And this boy must have seen his parents only talk money, position in society, dowry, so and so has become this, so and so has so much property etc. Therefore the environment was what it was and wrongly perceived by the boy to be the right one. That’s it and everything else is a derivative of bad parenting to start with.
If the son was a balanced person he should not have been carried away by the environment he found himself to be in when he went to study abroad. Not everyone who goes abroad finds himself in such a situation.
Now if he can’t accept parents nagging him, he should take his wife (if the wife wants to be with him in the first place) and live independently. When one lives away then one realizes the importance of parents and relations.
Actually, solutions to such problems can’t be found by such discussions. But the problem mentioned is not new anymore. More and more people are getting frustrated each day and wonder “was this the life I opted for”. Many have choices to make but are scared to take that first step because of family and societal pressure. The end result is breaking relationships, drunkenness, neglect and what not.
If Situation 1 is real and affects a JAT Family, I recommend express psychiatric help for all members of the family. Few for being mad themselves while others for allowing themselves to be in such a position.
Warm regards,
JS Malik
Read so many diverse kinds of views, and got some new perspectives to look at the matter. Now, let me jot down some budding trends in relationships which look creepy as the basic factor which must form the basis of any relationship, comfort level and mutual understanding, has been put crossways with a big question mark nowadays.........................................................Situation 1 : Relations which we get by virtue of birth and we cant seek separation from them : And such situations are increasing in reality, more so in metros.
It seems a very complex problem, with so many issues n factors involved in it. And as is suggested by Col. Malik, to save the life of the person,, or to get it back on the right track,,,,Professional help is must required.
Son knows he is not correct, but finds him unable to change, have tried many a times but now he is assured somewhere in his heart that now he an all together different person, he doesn’t feels happy when he is with family as he used to feel earlier, and many other things……….. He finds himself full of double guilt, first that he is not doing well to himself, second that he is doing good to no one but cant change himself now, he has accepted that it’s too late now! Now, he cant stand his parents complaining every now and then and just cant live with them anymore. Fed up of his wife telling him not to do this, think about future and all this seems utter bullshit to him. He is not even happy with himself, work pressure of office, peer pressure; just everything around him is dark. If one has to live, he has to inevitably have some things to drive pleasures from. He now seeks pleasure from outside his family, and leaves all morality lessons on hold. He wants to be free, and there being no problem in reality, but owing to some ego problems, over reactions from family at times, burgeoning mental anxiety, he makes his life fall the way it will take him…. May be he is making good money at work, may be society sees him as a good and happily living person, but the world within him is dark and gloomy, his family neglected and dejected……. Everyone around but all alone ! Members of family smile, go out, look normal, but their heart filled with oceans of all sort of gloomy feelings – And such situations are increasing in reality, more so in metros.
I don't see the family as a culprit anywhere in this situation... Its the mental health of the person,,, which is affected by his physical addictions in first place,,, and that is the reason for all his miseries. Unable to face the criticism at home,,, not being able to mend his ways,,, this person is just getting a recluse in outer world,,where no one is to blame him....n running away from realities,,finding solace away from real life problems,,are symptoms of very ill mental health. Its not that he doesn't want to change... rather its not in his capacity now to change,,, he seriously needs professional counselling.
I don't see the family as a culprit anywhere in this situation... Its the mental health of the person,,, which is affected by his physical addictions in first place,,, and that is the reason for all his miseries. Unable to face the criticism at home,,, not being able to mend his ways,,, this person is just getting a recluse in outer world,,where no one is to blame him....n running away from realities,,finding solace away from real life problems,,are symptoms of very ill mental health. Its not that he doesn't want to change... rather its not in his capacity now to change,,, he seriously needs professional counselling.
I agree that a helping hand can be of immense help, but at times people just end up fixing blames on someone else's attitudes and even fail to diagnose that they need some help !
I agree that a helping hand can be of immense help, but at times people just end up fixing blames on someone else's attitudes and even fail to diagnose that they need some help !
Not only sometimes,,,, it's the case most of the times... hardly ever the affected person is able to realize that he/she is suffereing from some problem and needs help. The biggest reason behind this is the mentality of our society... who just think going to a psychiarist for a psychological problem = Paagal/Mental/Psycho... as they usually call it. And with such a mentality around, no one is ready to recognize and accept the psychological problem, even in cases when one is understanding that something is wrong with him.
While as there are physical health problems, so are mental health problems. For physical illness, no one minds to go to a physician...but for psychological problems, no one likes to go. Treatment in both kind of problems is must.
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