~ FaCeS of ReLaTiOnShIpS ~

[shweta123]

Thats very true Navin. And thats the only way the love is. Love do not live with any kind of conditions or expectations.
But the problem arises when we wrap it in relationships. Relationship do have expectations and they are not uncondiotional and simple like love.......atleast thats what I have seen around. That complicates the situation and looking at relationships in todays world I can only see suffocating and buried love. Anyways I am not an expert to comment on that. There is already lot discussed on this topic here. I better close it.

Kabhi kabhi lagta hai Di ki life kitni complicated hai !

This also a side of the coin and cant be denied ......

On one hand, unconditional love gives energy to move on with a new zeal and generates a feeling of giving ! But, on the other hand, this world of reality poses newer challenges each day, newer problems to fight with, newer difficulties to stand against and there by every human being needs a helping hand, a comforting soul and often some expectations creep in unknowingly !

But this is how life moves, this is what life is all about, so I feel that though some expectations are always there, there are dark days, there are misunderstandings too, but an unconditional love doesnt means no expectations, it means expectations which are logical, which are normal, which are justified, which is again very subjective but true.

But these expectations must not be laid at the forefront, they must be kept aside at times and then the relationship must be pumped in with a newer blood to breath afresh again ! Expectations can never be detached, but still unconditional love can arise amongst this situation too.......

 

[cooljat]

Very pragmatic reply Poons, Second ur viewpoint!
Specially the bold lines; beauty with brains, a very rare sight!!

Rock on
Jit

Well, the entire concept of Relationships (here I don’t necessarily mean couple, could be any kind of relationship, by birth or by choice) is nothing but one Real Time process. As you grow as a person, your viewpoint keeps changing; the picture keeps changing, for better I would say. The best teacher is life and by life I mean life lived by you so far which could never be the same for any two individuals. We have our lessons learnt with each passing day!

As they say there is no real fear, going with the same analogy…there is no real complete existence of a relationship in real time. Its all fluid and more or less the concept is the axis of everything else going on in our lives and the world per se actually. How one person relates to another…be it your spouse, kids, parents, friends, boss or colleagues is the central key point for whatever happens around us (of course, barring those natural phenomenon).

Only when you have lived your life (or may be a phase of it) and when u visualizes your life in retrospect then only you will be able to get the true real picture. Nothing in this world/life is real.
So, in a nutshell, it’s a sort of paradox, though human relationships are a real time process, it is happening to you but at the same time its not real actually. I know getting too philosophical now…so I better shut up…

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.........( well, that was not me but Oscar Wilde but I do agree with him here…)

 

[poonam]

Very pragmatic reply Poons, Second ur viewpoint!
Specially the bold lines; beauty with brains, a very rare sight!!

Rock on
Jit

Well, thanks Jit!

I, for a second there, thought the write up was so “stellar and explicit” that no one understood anything (as agreeing once again with those bold lines, speaking for myself though)….hehhe...

 

[navingulia]

Budha was anguished, he sat under a tree for an infinity and he realised "desire is the cause of pain" - desire to achieve, desire to attain, desire to possess. He said 'no desire no pain'
True
Now taking it from where Budha left it. Not desiring is like not living. Desire, expect but dont bind your happiness, joy, satisfaction and love to the desire.
(Here you can use expectation and desire to mean same. You expect what you desire to happen.)
Desiring is a programming of our genes, we are bound by it. We have to evolve/grow beyond it. But do we want to?
1. Sometimes we take pleasure and satisfaction in giving up - 'there is pain, suffering, its tough' - we accept to be in pain. It is kind of self punishing, like tapasya of a yogi. When we punish ourselves (not eating or inflicting physical or emotional pain), we get a calm and peace effect because that itself is going against our genetic programmimg which compells us to protect ourselves and strive for power and supremacy.
2. Sometimes we accept defeat, repeatedly telling ourselves 'how difficult it is' and hence providing ourselves the reason for losing, or for not being able to do it.
3. Possessing is a compulsion of our genetic programming. We have to learn to let go if we want to evolve beyond our present (animalistic/genetic) existence.

"growing and evolving beyond our present state is the key"

Live in a state of superconcious. Experience the pain, the pleasure, the joy, the rise, the fall, the heat, the chill, the wetness, the dryness, the flying, the sinking, the tears, the laughter and use these experience to grow beyond them.

On a lighter note.
When my first girlfriend left me, i was a little devastated. i was talking to a senior and telling him "sir my girlfriend left me". He said "dont worry, by the time 3-4 leave you, you will get used to it"
When people have wanted to leave me (to whatever extent, little, more or totally), I have let them(they as it is would).

We cannot look at the world through windows in our limited existence. We have to expand our existence, giving ourselves bigger goals than merely achieving/possessing.

 

[navingulia]

but an unconditional love doesnt means no expectations, it means expectations which are logical, which are normal, which are justified, which is again very subjective but true.[/B]

But these expectations must not be laid at the forefront, they must be kept aside at times and then the relationship must be pumped in with a newer blood to breath afresh again ! Expectations can never be detached, but still unconditional love can arise amongst this situation too.......

Shweta Ji, to add a perspective, see, everybody would feel his expectations are logical and justified, who wouldnt

one of my cousins while talking to me was regularly using "kam se kam (atleast)" e.g kam s kam ye to ho, kam se kam wo to ho, etc
i told her that you have tied your happiness and peace to this 'kam se kam'.
arey baba, when ghenghis khan after conquering the whole world wanted ki 'kam se kam wo amar ho jaae', he wanted 'atleast i shouldnt die'. Is kam se kam aur minimum ki koi seema nahin hai, hum swayam ko isme baandh nahin sakte.

 

[shweta123]

Shweta Ji, to add a perspective, see, everybody would feel his expectations are logical and justified, who wouldnt

one of my cousins while talking to me was regularly using "kam se kam (atleast)" e.g kam s kam ye to ho, kam se kam wo to ho, etc
i told her that you have tied your happiness and peace to this 'kam se kam'.
arey baba, when ghenghis khan after conquering the whole world wanted ki 'kam se kam wo amar ho jaae', he wanted 'atleast i shouldnt die'. Is kam se kam aur minimum ki koi seema nahin hai, hum swayam ko isme baandh nahin sakte.

Wonderful and a pertinent insight must say ! Well, when I used these terms like logical and justifiable expectations, the I also meant that these must be logical taking into cognisance many a kind of social and behavioural factors around, and these must not be laid at the forefront ! Beacuse, if we keep them following in rigid sense then we are bound to overlook others' perspective many a times. Still, I agree that we must work on this front and try keeping this 'minimum' really !

 

[pscil]

एक वक्त लगता था ज़िंदगी की खुब्सुर्ती होते हैं रीशते . पहचान, प्यार और विश्वास निभाते है रीशते . कभी सँभालते, कभी मुस्कुराते, कभी औंसू पौंछ्ते, कभी हौसला देते, कभी मुश्कीलो से जुझते, कभी रुठ्ते, कभी मनाते .........हर पल ज़िंदगी जीते रीशते.
हाँ, ऐसी ही तो होते थे रीश्ते .....
फींर क्यों आज परीभाषा बदले दीखते हैं ये रीशते.

ज़िंदगी की ज़्रुरत से लगते है अब ये रीशते. न नीभ्ते फींर भी लोगो से बंधे ये रीशते . कही मज्बुरी का नाम धरे, कही ख़ुद मज्बुर होते रीशते . कही खोखली नीव पर रखे, कही सोच की नीव पर रखे खोखलापन नीभाते रीशते. साथ चलने को लोग रीशते जोड़ते हैं, फींर भी क्यों दूर भागते हैं ये रीशते. लोग वीश्वास भी करते हैं, प्यार भी करते हैं.......फींर भी क्यों नहीं जीते हैं ये रीशते. जाने कीस आधार पर रखे, कीस आधार पर बीखरते हैं ये रीशते.

मैं सुन्दरता ढूँढ रही थी रीशतो में, जीतना जाना पास जाकर .....लगा हर पहचान पर दम तोडते ये रीशते. मुखुटो के पीछे से साँस लेने की जगह ढूँढ्ते ये रीशते. अब तो लगते सिर्फ़ बैसाखी से है ये रीशते.....थमा हाथ ज़रूरतों ने, मजबूरी सा नाम धरा.....साथ का भ्रम पाले....अकेलेपन में घुटते...आज़ादी ढूँढ्ते ये रीशते. ज़िंदगी का गर आधार होते है रीशते तो क्यों इतने बदसूरत से देखते हैं ये रीशते. सरल सी ज़िंदगी में क्यों उल्झते उल्झाते रीशते. क्यों नहीं अब जीते हैं ये रीशते. क्यों हर पल फींर भी बनते और बीगड़ते हैं रीशते.
कल लगते थे जीने की ताकत, ज़िंदगी की सुन्दरता होते हैं रीशते......अब लगते कीताबे बातो से ये रीशते, सीरफ कल्पनाओ में ही जीते हैं ये रीशते.

What beautiful lines to describe the existential self. This contradiction you describe is because what people call love is only an illusion. In reality the more you talk about love is the more you hate. All dualities of love and hate good and evil are contradictory. The true essence lies in just being