^^ JATland community mail box ^^

A very shy young man goes in a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.​



After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her," ​


Er...excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you? " ​




She responds in a loud voice: "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" ​




Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them. The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table. ​




After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says," You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations. " ​





The young man responds loudly with, ​






" WHAT !!! THREE THOUSAND RUPEES.!!!
 
Jeevan me kamyab hone ke liye 3 factory lagao!!!!
1) Dimag me Ice factory.
2) Zuban par Sugar factory.
3) Dil me Love factory.
Phir life hogi satisfactory. .
------
Ek din Sagar ne Nadi se pucha:
Kab tak milati rahogi mujhe khare pani se ???
Nadi ne haskar kaha :
Jab tak tujh me mithas na aa jaye tab tak !!!
Thats "RELATIONSHIP" .
-------
1 tree makes 1 Lakh matchsticks.
But 1 matchstick can burn 1 Lakh trees.
Similarly 1 negative thought or doubt can burn thousands of dreams....
Be Positive Always !!!
--------
Chehre ki hasi se har gam chupao ,
Bahut kuch bolo par kuch na batao....
Khud na rutho kabhi , par sabko manao
Ye Raz hai Zindagi ka , Bas Jite chale jao
-------
Wah Prabhu kya teri leela hai :
Chuha Billi se darta hai ,
Billi Kutte se darti hai ,
Kutta Aadmi se darta hai ,
Aadmi Biwi se darta hai ,
Biwi Chuhhe se darti hai.
-------
And finally , with thanks to all our email sending friends

Ek Dost ne Mujh se pucha ,
Tum sabko email bhejhte ho - tumhe kya milta hai ?
Maine hass kar kaha , Dena Lena to Vyaapar hai ,
Jo dekar kuch na mange , Wo hi to PYAR hai.
 
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Doordarshan Logo.




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Doordarshan' s Screensaver.



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Malgudi Days .



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Dekh Bhai Dekh.










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Ramayan .








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Mile Sur Mera Tumhara.



Turning Point .


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Bharath Ek Khoj.


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Alif Laila .


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Byomkesh Bakshi.



Tehkikaat.



He Man.


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Salma Sultana DD News Reader.




Vicco turmeric,
Nahin cosmetic
Vicco turmeric ayurvedic cream.




Twaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiinggggggg
Washin powder Nirma, Washing powder Nirma
Doodh si safedi, Nirma se aayi
Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaaye.




I'm a Complan Boy(Shahid Kapoor) and I'm a Complan Girl (Ayesha Takia).




Surabhi: Renuka Sahane and Siddharth.


Then were 'Mungerilal ke hasin sapane' and 'karamchand' ....'Vikram Betal', etc.



How did one survive growing up in the 60's,70's, 80's and may be partly the 90's?
We had no seatbelts, no airbags and sitting in the back of a truck was a treat...
Our baby prams had the most gorgeous lead based colours...
No such thing as tamper proof bottle tops...


Cycling was like a breath of fresh air...
No safety helmets, knee pads or elbow pads, with plenty of cardboards between spokes to make it sound like a motorbike...


When thirsty we only drank tap water, bottled water was still a mystery.....
We kept busy collecting bits & pieces so we could build all sort of things ...


We could stay out to play for hours, as long as we got back before dark, in time for dinner...
We walked to school.
We had no mobile phones, but we always managed to find each other.... How? No one knows....
We lost teeth, broke arms & legs, we got cuts and bruises and bloody noses.... nobody complained as we had so much fun, it wasn't anybody's fault, only ours
We ate everything in sight, cakes, bread, chocolate, ice-cream, sweet sugary drinks, yet, we stayed skinny by fooling around.


We called on friends to come out to play, never rang the doorbell, just went around the back...

We played with sticks and stones, played cowboys and Indians, doctors and nurses, hide and seek, soccer games, over and over again...


When we failed our exams we were given a second chance by simply repeating the same grade...without visiting psychiatrists, psychologists or counselors...
Such were the days...



We had freedom, success, disappointments and responsibilities. ..
Most of all, we learned to respect others...
 
THE BANANA TEST



There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,

a Lion
download
, a Chimpanzee
download
, a Giraffe
download
, and a Squirrel
download
, who pass by.

They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.



Who do you guess will win?



Your answer will reflect your personality.
So think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds.




Got your answer?​
 
COMPLETE OUT OF THE BOX THINKING…….

Take a look at pic 1- which has got a first aid box on the left and a newspaper box on right (which had all hindi-english-marathi-gujrati and economic times)

Take a look at pic 2- which has got a tv on the top with cable (I was watching colors channel) and below tat is the tissue box. on the left is the mandir types and dont miss the "Only gandhigiri" written there , below tat is the calender and a notepad and pen along with a blue fan (which is blowing towards the customer who sits)

Take a look at pic 3- 25% discount for handicap!! who on this earth can expect somethin like this from arickshaw wala yaar!!


 
Last edited:
rakeshsehrawat said:
THE BANANA TEST



There is a very, very tall coconuttree and there are 4 animals,

a Lion
download
, a Chimpanzee
download
, a Giraffe
download
, and a Squirrel
download
, who pass by.


They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.



Who do you guess will win?



Your answer will reflect your personality.
So think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds.





Got your answer?​
Click to expand...

Coconut Tree pe BANANA tere pe sunya!:confused:
Ghoont mare to nahi baithya se??:mad:
 
The Perfect Husband...


Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs.1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "Rs7,00,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs.11,50,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 11,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"


MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."


The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....


He smiles and asks:



-

-

-

-

-

-

-

"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to?" :p
 
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh***t?
 
Maybe this guy is a politician, he knows how to wrangle his words ?!!?


>
>
>
> From: David Thorne
>
> Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 10.16am
>
> To: Helen Bailey
>
> Subject: Pets in the building
> Dear Helen,
> Thank you for your letter concerning pets in my apartment. I
> understand that having dogs in the apartment is a violation of the
> agreement due to the comfort and wellbeing of my neighbours and I am
> currently soundproofing my apartment with egg cartons as I realise my
> dogs can cause quite a bit of noise. Especially during feeding time
> when I release live rabbits.
> Regards, David.
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: Helen Bailey
>
> Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 11.18am
>
> To: David Thorne
>
> Subject: Re: Pets in the building
> Hello David
> I have received your email and wish to remind you that the strata
> agreement states that no animals are allowed in the building
> regardless of if your apartment is soundproof. How many dogs do you
> have at the premises?
> Helen
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: David Thorne
>
> Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 1.52pm
>
> To: Helen Bailey
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Pets in the building
> Dear Helen,
> Currently I only have eight dogs but one is expecting puppies and I am
> very excited by this. I am hoping for a litter of at least ten as this
> is the number required to participate in dog sled racing.
> I have read every Jack London novel in preparation and have
> constructed my own sled from timber I borrowed from the construction
> site across the road during the night. I have devised a plan which I
> feel will ensure me taking first place in the next national dog sled
championships.
> For the first year of the puppies life I intend to say the word mush
> then chase them violently around the apartment while yelling and
> hitting saucepan lids together. I have estimated that the
> soundproofing of my apartment should block out at least sixty percent
> of the noise and the dogs will learn to associate the word mush with
> great fear so when I yell it on race day, the panic and released
> adrenaline will spur them on to being winners.
> I am so confident of this being a foolproof plan that I intend to sell
> all my furniture the day before the race and bet the proceeds on
> coming first place.
> Regards, David.
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: Helen Bailey
>
> Date: Friday 22 May 2009 9.43am
>
> To: David Thorne
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building David, I am unsure what to
> make of your email. Do you have pets in the apartment or not?
> Helen
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: David Thorne
>
> Date: Friday 22 May 2009 11.27am
>
> To: Helen Bailey
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building Dear Helen, No. I have a
> goldfish but due to the air conditioner in my apartment being stuck on
> a constant two degrees celcius, the water in its bowl is iced over and
> he has not moved for a while so I do not think he is capable of
> disturbing the neighbours.
> The ducks in the bathroom are not mine. The noise which my neighbours
> possibly mistook for a dog in the apartment is just the looping tape I
> have of dogs barking which I play at high volume while I am at work to
> deter potential burglars from breaking in and stealing my tupperware.
> I need it to keep food fresh.
> Once I ate leftover chinese that had been kept in an unsealed
> container and I experienced complete awareness. The next night I tried
> eating it again but only experienced chest pains and diarrhoea.
> Regards, David.
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: Helen Bailey
>
> Date: Friday 22 May 2009 1.46pm
>
> To: David Thorne
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building Hello David You
> cannot play sounds of dogs or any noise at a volume that disturbs
> others. I am sure you can appreciate that these rules are for the
> benefit of all residents of the building. Fish are fine. You cannot
> have ducks in the apartment though. If it was small birds that would be
ok.
> Helen
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: David Thorne
>
> Date: Friday 22 May 2009 2.18pm
>
> To: Helen Bailey
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building Dear Helen, They
> are very small ducks.
> Regards, David.
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: Helen Bailey
>
> Date: Friday 22 May 2009 4.06pm
>
> To: David Thorne
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building David, under
> section 4 of the strata residency agreement it states that you cannot
> have pets. You agreed to these rules when you signed the forms.
> These rules are set out to benefit everyone in the building including
> yourself. Do you have a telephone number I can call you on to discuss?
> Helen
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: David Thorne
>
> Date: Friday 22 May 2009 5.02pm
>
> To: Helen Bailey
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building Dear
> Helen, The ducks will no doubt be flying south for the winter soon so
> it will not be an issue. It is probably for the best as they are not
> getting along very well with my seventeen cats anyway. .
> Regards, David.
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: Helen Bailey
>
> Date: Monday 25 May 2009 9.22am
>
> To: David Thorne
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
> David, I am just going to write on the forms that we have investigated
> and you do not have any pets.
> Helen
>
 
How to take care of your wife:


In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.


Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES
-- You make the bed (+1)
-- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
-- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
-- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
-- In the rain (+8)
-- But return with Beer (-5)
-- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
-- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
-- It's her pet (-10)




SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
-- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
-- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
-- Named Tina (-4)
-- Tina is a dancer (-10)




HER BIRTHDAY
-- You take her out to dinner (0)
-- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
-- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
-- And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)
-- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)




A NIGHT OUT
-- You take her to a movie (+2)
-- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
-- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
-- You take her to a movie you like (-2)
-- It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
-- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)




YOUR PHYSIQUE
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
-- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)




ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
-- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
-- You hesitate in responding (-10)
-- You reply, "Where?" (-35)
-- Any other response (-20)




COMMUNICATION
-- When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0)
-- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
-- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
-- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
 
Reasons Why We Indians Cannot be Terrorists


1. We are always late; we would have missed all 4 flights.

2. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.

3. With free food & drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there

4. We talk with our hands;therefore we would have to put our weapons down.

5. We would ALL want to fly the plane.

6. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.

7. We can't keep a secret; we would have told everyone a week before doing it.

8. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.

9. We would have postponed the mission because a cricket match was going on that day

10. We would all have fallen over each other to be in the photograph being taken with one of the hostages. :rock
 
Ise bhi log hai jo nyu kaman lag rahe hain

Experience Certificate of IT Company. Call 011-41648668 has shared a story with you from Mixx:

Get Experience Certificate of IT company based at New Delhi. 10 years old s/w co. Any duration, any technology. Fees Rs. 10,000. Offer Letter + Salary Slip + Reliving. Verification Guranteed. Call: Raj Malhotra 9310150064 & 011-41648668.
 
akshaymalik84 said:
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh***t?
Click to expand...
ghanaa shayaana g--- khaa.
 
Nishantrathi82 said:
1. We are always late; we would have missed all 4 flights.

2. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.

3. With free food & drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there

4. We talk with our hands;therefore we would have to put our weapons down.

5. We would ALL want to fly the plane.

6. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.

7. We can't keep a secret; we would have told everyone a week before doing it.

8. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.

9. We would have postponed the mission because a cricket match was going on that day

10. We would all have fallen over each other to be in the photograph being taken with one of the hostages. :rock
Click to expand...
fact perfact.
 
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