what about intercaste marriage?

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A serious matter for those where such marriages are not permitted.

...first i tell you about my choice otherwise somebody may try to dig some joke out of it...;)...I'm very much connected to my own community and will never go out of my boundaries....don't want that much free space...as i compare a marriage life just like a college or school life in the way.....a school life is very pleasurable where we have to listen to our elders, have to obey them, fear if they get angry on us, satisfy them with our best efforts, keep them happy by following some rules and principles, live in some restrictions, but with all such things we enjoy those days and find them happiest moments spent....everybody know it better.

....now about college life....very free life it is...everything depends on our choice, no rules and principles to follow, no boundaries for anything, all important thing there is our mood and choice, our own priority first but that life is also enjoyable......but if you ask anybody which days were his/her best days keeping the choice of these two....almost everyone will say for school days...and just similar is an arranged marriage in one's own community....but few will say about college style life...and that is similar to an intercaste love marriage.

Now there are some cases when people don't find any match in their own community then there is nothing wrong to go for other caste.

Marriage is a whole life decision so i feel that parents should let the children also think about it...kyunki jisne jo karna hota hai wo wahi karta hai, chahe uske parents usse kitna bhi rok len.....atleast parents must give chance to their child to show his/her responsibilty, what all he/she had learnt till now.

Finally i would say one thing that what parents do is always correct in every sense, and if incase anything go wrong with any child then whole family is there to support, whether his/her own parents or in-laws. And relations are needed everywhere.
 
Slow Down, Slow Down ....

Theek kaha Jitu bhai tumnae....

TaKe It EaSy..........:cool: :D :D :D
cooljat said:
Take it easy Jatlanders, take it easy!!!
we're here to discuss not for blowin cyber joots :D

Well, VJ bhai cool it yaar....I know u're quite an enthu jat bhai but bro hold ur horses we're here to unite not to divide I guess :)

chill! chill! & have fun!


Rock on
Jit
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marriage?......

Bhaiyon,

Everything is Okay...a lot of exciting discussion is going on here...I could not resist myself asking you about the concept of MARRIAGE.
he kya cheej ye?...I would be happy if anybody could, a bit, elaborate this word to me...how do you define and finalise that (s)he is you life partner....? tum iske sath me khush rahoge...tum uske saath me jyada khush rahoge...what is this all about?
I would request especially to elder members to express their views on MARRIAGE without differentiating between intercast and intracast marriage. ap log apne ladake ya ladaki ke liye life-partner dhoondhte ho to kis kis baat ke baare me sochte ho?...what kind of *qualities* do you generally prefer in him/her (rather in his/her family)?
 
choudharysaaab said:
Bhaiyon,

Everything is Okay...a lot of exciting discussion is going on here...I could not resist myself asking you about the concept of MARRIAGE.
he kya cheej ye?...I would be happy if anybody could, a bit, elaborate this word to me...how do you define and finalise that (s)he is you life partner....? tum iske sath me khush rahoge...tum uske saath me jyada khush rahoge...what is this all about?
I would request especially to elder members to express their views on MARRIAGE without differentiating between intercast and intracast marriage. ap log apne ladake ya ladaki ke liye life-partner dhoondhte ho to kis kis baat ke baare me sochte ho?...what kind of *qualities* do you generally prefer in him/her (rather in his/her family)?
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Marriage can be defined as a socially recognised bond of relationship(Physical and emotional) between a male and a female.

If I have to search a life partner for my daughter and son then the first thing should be the compatibality, Secondly they should be down to earth.
 
ok before i say something about the concept of marriage in our community, I would like to apoligise in advance if I offend the feelings of my fellow jatlanders.

Marriage :
Starts with the girls parents desperately looking for a good looking , well paid/earning, guy having house in some city preferably, (single sons are more in demand),etc., etc., etc., etc.
The family of the boy looks for -fair/convent educated/tall/respected (meaning rich )family (paying capacity of the girl),etc., etc. , etc.

After many months/years of hunting some people are lucky to get on the negotiation table(ofcourse ignore the number of lunches/dinners, the girls parents have to cater to)

Then some bicholiya or a relative brings two such parents together/(TERMS ARE NEGOTIATED THROUGH THE BROKER)(ABHI TAK LADKA /LADKI PICTURE MEIN NAHI HAIN)
Then the people from boys side with agroup of 40-50 people CHORI KE GHOOTHI GHALAAN JAI SE
Obviously the terms of the agreement are discussed again .
Then come the so called occassions/ functions where the girls parents have to shell out big money on one pretext or other(many of these functions were not seen earlier in our community)
uske baad one stops counting -the lenas and denas till the DOOMSDAY

Finally the doli departs with the girl (father is nearly bankrupt/or under a lot of debt)

But here is the catch , the real story starts after this

BAKI THE FELLOW JAATLANDERS CAN furthet elobrate

Regards to all
 
dev said:
Marriage :
Starts with the girls parents desperately looking for a good looking , well paid/earning, guy having house in some city preferably, (single sons are more in demand),etc., etc., etc., etc.
The family of the boy looks for -fair/convent educated/tall/respected (meaning rich )family (paying capacity of the girl),etc., etc. , etc.

After many months/years of hunting some people are lucky to get on the negotiation table(ofcourse ignore the number of lunches/dinners, the girls parents have to cater to)

Then some bicholiya or a relative brings two such parents together/(TERMS ARE NEGOTIATED THROUGH THE BROKER)(ABHI TAK LADKA /LADKI PICTURE MEIN NAHI HAIN)
Then the people from boys side with agroup of 40-50 people CHORI KE GHOOTHI GHALAAN JAI SE
Obviously the terms of the agreement are discussed again .
Then come the so called occassions/ functions where the girls parents have to shell out big money on one pretext or other(many of these functions were not seen earlier in our community)
uske baad one stops counting -the lenas and denas till the DOOMSDAY

Finally the doli departs with the girl (father is nearly bankrupt/or under a lot of debt)

But here is the catch , the real story starts after this

BAKI THE FELLOW JAATLANDERS CAN furthet elobrate

Regards to all
Click to expand...

Aap ne shayad sirf aisi hi style ki shaadiyan dekhi hain and that's why know only such ways of tying the knots of two person....now listen what type i've seen....

Starting with the girl's parents...looks for some educated/ well settled/ cultured with family status (means respect in society)/ place is preferred either better or some just similar level like the girl has spent her life before marriage/no matter how many family members or siblings are there(depends on girl's chioce also)

Now what boy's family looks....search for some well educated/ beautiful (means aankh naak theek hone chahiyen-Aish ki jaroorat nahin)/ should have good family values who can understand the other family in every aspect (can work if they like or be a homely if they want to see her at home)/ height and complexion depends on the guy's choice/ should match with the status of the family (doesn't matter if her parents are not at high rank or position)...main consideration is a girl with values.

After many months/years of searching some people are lucky to get listed to select one best among them (ghar aaye har mahmaan ki apni taraf se puri khaatirdaari ki jaati hai, so this thing is not counted)

Guy and the girl is allowed to talk freely if they want to whether they both agree or not (but usually they don't need and leave all the matter on parents as every child trust their parents)

Ring ceremony is then decided by guy's side(now as two families are going to be connected so both sides care for every situation so that everyone feels good but usually boy's parents are asked first and that's right)

Now comes the talk about D'day.....
Girl's parents ask boy's family the way they would like to have the big function(means very special for two people) and finally girls parents spend all after discussing it with guy's parents (as the match is going to be tied together so everyone takes every care at both sides without making the girl's parents bankrupt or bringing them under any debt)

lenas and denas all depends on both sides

The real story starts after this (now the girl has to learn all the responsibilties in the best way and have to mix-up with them soon...cases may be some other also but that depends how much understanding that girl has....main thing is that the girl should learn what the other is going to expect her...and if she is not able to get it then she can ask them politely, with serenity)

Respect, trust, compromise, sharing, giving, patience and more such qualities are expected from her...so she must be able to bring smile on everyone's face...and if the other doesn't cope then also she must keep trying without bringing any incorrect thing in her mind/thoughts.

One main thing is a girl should never involve her own parents in her next home (aur jahan kuch galat hota hai wahan parents apne aap dekh lete hain, baaki khud ko kai baar strong banana padta hai and i know it's not easy when one facing problems but time and situation teaches everyone)

So a girl's role is very important in every family...she can make the environment happiest or worst all depending on her...rest if guy's side or guy do anything wrong with her then she must keep patience..time never remains the same.

aur last baat maine apni mummy papa ki shaadi ka kissa suna tha...dowry seekers se humare dadaji aur nanaji dono ko nafrat thi...aur match poocho to mere dadaji ka status high tha, he was a retd. army captain and my nanaji was just a farmer....and even lookwise my papa was the most handsome guy and with a decent living standard, and my mother was a typical village girl and was not that goodlooking and tall, but was a famous girl in near villages for her studies and values...it's no need to discuss all these things here as all those in our contact knows our family very well....and my mother proved the best lady in every aspect....so a lot of things depends on a girl....ifshe really loves the guy's family then she can get the love of every member of that family.
 
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I support your notion here Neelam.... indeed a true picture of an arranged marriage

It is true without any mutual consent, nothing happens
 
Now I think you are going on otherside of extreme

Hi Dev,
I think now you are being sterotype...and for sure thats completely wrong. first of all how u can experience that kind of process ( if you have not gone through it?). so please do not be sterotype otherwise you are no different than others. I am not in favour of any particular type of marriage but for sure .....(These word are out...all i want to say that its not good..being sterotype..obove all I do not want to be part of any new controversy).

(or drop me PM ( if you still think there is any offending word(s) etc)
Regards
Dagar
 
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devdagar said:
I am not in favour of any particular type of marriage but for sure I wo'nt let any body to prove that other kind of marriage is not a marriage (love or arrange or vice versa).
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Mr. Dagar nobody visit this place to prove anything....everyone has different opinions at every topic....everyone is just sharing their opinions at this topic....and we too are not against any kind marriage...as it is a relation of two souls....bas generation gap ki wajah se kuch log suffer karte hain to unko sahi tareek se jana chahiye..nahin to izzat mitti mein mila ke jana bekar hai...but they can try to convince their parents....aur har situation milkar sambhali jaati hai...wo bhi sabse pahle ghar ke logon ko leke...agar bharosa ho to.


baaki apni apni choice hai whether you like an arranged one or of your choice from any community...so nothing to prove here...a mere discussion only

keep cool

Regards
Neelam
 
what about inter(caste) international marriage?

monikadahiya said:
bhai mere opinion mein te apni community mein shaadi karne se acchi baat aur koi nai. waise bhi jaaton se accha kabhi koi hua hai bhala?? I used to think (when i was a lil childish)..ki yeh community wommunity kya hoti hai, intercaste marriage se koi farak nahi padta.. but now, i am pro intra community marriages. I have many reasons for that but dont want to quote them here as they may offend a few ppl here!! magar bhai jab dil aa jya kisi "ahem" aur pe te jat community te kya bhagwan bhi juda nahi kar sakta do premiyon ko..:D :D !!!
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Can you list your reasons in respectful words, so not to offend the good people here? I am very curious to know these reasons.

How about international marriage?

When looking for "Starting with the girl's parents...looks for some educated/ well settled/ cultured with family status (means respect in society)/ place is preferred either better or some just similar level like the girl has spent her life before marriage/no matter how many family members or siblings are there(depends on girl's chioce also)" don't we think that some EUROPEAN girls fit this description?

Same, when looking for "The family of the boy looks for -fair/convent educated/tall/respected (meaning rich )family (paying capacity of the girl),etc., etc. , etc.", some AMERICAN boys (not NRI or PIO in sillicon valley but real american boys) may fit this bill too?

By the way, I agree that we are not visiting this site to advocate one point of view. We are here to exchange differences, experience new opinions, and learn tolerence.
 
saranrabar said:
How about international marriage?
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This too is not wrong but if both sides understanding matches with each other...and if understanding does not match in our own community then that case cannot prove to be good to others....rest first everyone try to match the culture and i don't say that girls/boys in foreign are not cultured....they have it but to understand an Indian Marriage they need some more things to understand like what all ladies sacrifice here for her family and relations....and same way how much a man do for his family any circumstances he faces in his life. And the way they stand for each other that can be seen very rare in foreigners. But with passing time we are seeing some changes in our culture also....and foreigners adapting ours....feels so good to hear but at same time makes us feel low when we see the culture missing in our own nation.
 
choudharyneelam said:
This too is not wrong but if both sides understanding matches with each other...and if understanding does not match in our own community then that case cannot prove to be good to others.....
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How could you be so confident that within a short period of time you could find those understandings in your proposed life partner? I have seen people and families who *found* their this kind of *strange* understanding in such a short span of time that I could not believe.

What i have started thinking that, this is not a matter of understandings of two indivuduals, rather it is a understanding between their families, sometimes not between families, but among *closed* relatives. I would not consider it as a marriage at all. I agree with Rajesh bhaisaab, but i would like to expatiate his definition of marriage as:

"Marriage can be defined as a socially recognised bond of relationship(Physical between male and female ) between two socially recognised families, it can be exampled as a successful business, if possible." (emotions comes later after marriages in such cases...:eek: how?...because the people their surroundings are happy now...hahaha :p )...mazak bana rakha he life ko...

There is no emotional relationship, i suppose, if something is there, it should be because you are now married and you will have to be emotionally satisfied, you will have to accept it anyhow. I know that most of the members here will agree with this, but, just to show that they should not be so out-bursted, and should not indulge their useless image in front of us would try to pretend that they disagree this.

Whatever it is, but i would say that today marriages are no more that business. business of emotions...hahaha...see how could people still be happy...it really surprise me many times......well, everything ultimately is the game of money...if you have you it you can think to win, but will loss otherwise...whatever kind of life partner you are looking for...doctor, MBA, IAS/IPS...does not matter at all, what matters is the *social power, money power, land power, imigration power* of your expected counterpart. :p
 
choudharysaaab said:
How could you be so confident that within a short period of time you could find those understandings in your proposed life partner? I have seen people and families who *found* their this kind of *strange* understanding in such a short span of time that I could not believe.
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First of all i tell you that all these matters are taken in concern not only by two grown-ups who are going to marry but parents are also involved and all these things sometimes takes time and sometimes decided even in short span, all depends on one's choice and at many places we have to make adjustments and even sometimes have to go totally according to what they say or ask.....rest a thing which you call trust is also there otherwise you cannot proceed in such matters.

choudharysaaab said:
What i have started thinking that, this is not a matter of understandings of two indivuduals, rather it is a understanding between their families, sometimes not between families, but among *closed* relatives.
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I agree with this but not totally as there is also mutual understanding between couple along with family members and closed relatives.

choudharysaaab said:
I would not consider it as a marriage at all.
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if you don't agree then what is it's appropriate definition according to your thoughts/opinions.

what i've read something about marriage is..............There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company, than a good marriage. And i find it very true.

choudharysaaab said:
There is no emotional relationship, i suppose, if something is there, it should be because you are now married and you will have to be emotionally satisfied, you will have to accept it anyhow.
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If you can have emotions attached to your mother/ father/siblings...then only you can have some feelings of more emotions in your life...otherwise not, or i can say never. You love your parents not just b'coz they have given you better education, life's comforts, standed there with you whenever you needed them, many more such things...but you also love them b'coz you are a part of them, you got this life due to them and that's why you have a reason to stand in this world.

choudharysaaab said:
Whatever it is, but i would say that today marriages are no more that business. :p
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it's not a business for everyone...many meaningful people you can see here....and this is not a match that you will lose or win in this.....this is a part of life which we all have to live, what responsibilties our parents holded have to be showed by us now but only if you want to see the whole life...otherwise i say that life is incomplete.....and i could not explain this incompleteness right now but one who decides to stay as spinster/ bachelor for whole life can explain easily and in a better way after experiencing his/her life...and what i can say just now is that life must go on.

and if you say it business, considering what parents like to match then you first think why a candidate is appointed matching the type of post one is required...why can't they take anybody inside, and can give the chance to show the best results/ productivity?????? everywhere some basics things have to be matched and that is very appropraite in my knowledge....but some things we have to adjust as we cannot find one totally matching to the other.
 
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...Minimum Qulification Required!

Very interesting thread...
I also propose something radical here and that being the minimum requirement/qualification to be able to post on this thread should be a fully married status at least!!!

It’s only fair to the topic and the readers and makes a lot of sense so as to not let the discussion digress into some useless arguments by wannabes!

It’s quite obvious that the merits or demerits of intercaste marriage (or just marriage for that matter) can only be understood by someone who is married herself/himself first, if not then I say it is just useless speculation or hearsay.
[Next thing you know people would be quoting as to what ‘they think’ happened to their friends or relatives (which mind you; is NOT the same as understanding the topic by own experience!)…or worse still constantly using words before their every sentence like,’I think’…(No, no… don’t ‘think’ or ‘guesstimate’ how it could possibly be like; tell us what has been your actual experience, because if not, you don’t and can't even start to have the first clue on what really makes a successful marriage be it either way!)

So if you are still wet behind the ears on having had the actual experience itself, then please refrain/stay away... and don't burden us (the readers) with useless crap!

ps. Now I guess an exception to the rule might be members whose parents come from differeing backgrounds/castes to maybe provide their insight too; though I feel it still can’t be the same as understanding the basic reasoning and issues/concerns related to being somebody’s spouse your own self!
 
A long... long .....thread .

Basic question is what is better

An intercast marriage or within cast

Answer is simple ..

The best thing is marrying in your own community.

Now one may marry outside his cast due to other reasons also.

One reason may be not finding a suitable match regarding studies or status etc. in this case I think it is a pure selfishness of that person to go for such reasons as one can help other partner in attaining a level even after marriage
This will be his service to community also.

Other reason may be unability to overcome the thrust of chemical harmones leading to feelings like love ,infatuations or attractions what ever it may be in this case one must take his parents in confidence as we have certain duties towards them also and they too have a right in our life.It is only they who suffer so much for us and we should not let them down for some of our weaknesses and selfish statements like it is my own life.
Take them in confidence and than do what ever you want to.


Regarding panchayat role I would like to say that very few people are aware of real proceedings and one member who was very effusive and critical with adjective like useless medivial and corrupt panchayats etc..etc..even did not know that elected panchayat are different from khap panchyats in such cases .

Panchayat take decisons on the base of brotherhood in a village ,cornerstone of our culture and tradition .The concept may be alien to a city bred kapoor who may marry a kapoor but not one Sura or Huda whose ancesstors has respected this tradition for ages.
 
kya bakwas hai.......................................................................
..........................................................................................
kono kaam dham nahin hai ka...jab dekho bakar bakar bakar...
bhai hum itna samjhaye hain logon ko...lekin phir bhi bahut mara mari hai
kono ilaj nahin hai in logon ka.......

as simple as I say.....
EMOTIONS ---- a chemical locha of mind...you can always explain them in terms of chemical combinations of pigments present in the nerves of your mind......like see rang de basanti....lagi desh bhagti umadne....
aur AUTOMATA ka exam ho aur wo bhi ..suneeta agarwal...ka ya phir Data structures...BDC....to desh bhagti..nahin.....to bhaiya sem ka band baja......aur career ki chinta........

CULTURE : the region you reside in....so it is also not universal.......like the expression for yes and no....south indians and north indians differ....

SYSTEMIC :( It may be considered to some extent, if thought is materialistic) l physical requirements can be met without having enough disorder in society....but let me remind you...there is always an order in a disorder....hahahha so again...perplexed situation...like in many countries...US..you don't need to go for marriage to have a relationship....bindaas and raapchik lifestyle....jeene ka loodak jaane ka....

ya...one thing can be taken into consideration if we take a proper mix of all these....that is human.........

now it all depends upon the biasness ,one has for the three points above..
some may take emotions with more percentage...others may count the culture and sytemic issues.......

like if you take parents...you are emotional enough...bole to...chemical locha jyada hai bhai.......but if take culture..then a bit of emotions with fear.....
systemic..bole to a bit scientific........


yaar kya itna deemag pe pressure dilwa diya....yoon hi phokat mein...
chill maro na......marzi jaisa karna hai karo........

par hona chahiye ....ENDING wo bhi HAPPY wala........hahahhahhah

right for one could be wrong for other......always go for the commonalities.....that's a great kind of diplomacy(plz don't take literal meaning) one could have......aur agar shaadi ki baat karte ho.....to make it a success..you have to go by this rule.....nahin to no need to tell u......


jo intercaste....aur jo nahin karna chahte....donon se svinay anurodh hai...ki mujhe invite karna na bhoolen........mast nachne ka,khane ka,peene.....
haan...dulhe ka to band baj hi raha hai.......
shaadi kar dalo yaar.......after all happyness is not everything in life..hahahhahhaah kidding......

Rakesh Kumar Grewal.........
 
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