People come and go, life moves on ! We eat, laugh, and live but something precious do melts away and we find ourselves less of something, whenever someone special goes far from us, and this is relationship ! Relations can be interpreted by different people in different manner, different perspective. The world is full of some relations which we can name, but more than those are the ones which cant be binded within the pedals of any name ! What will we call a person whom we notice daily sitting idle at the end of our street, the person whom we often see running while we are on our way to office ? And, moreover these are just simple kind of associations which we often don’t name, but feel. Beyond these simple ones are some complex relations into which people fall, many a times unknowingly, and are left wondering whats the way out, is it correct to feel this way, are we doing wrong to someone genuine, are we sharing our pocket of feelings with someone not known to the society as someone legally in relationship with us ! And so rises a relationship which the society may not see with a welcome eye, but the people in the relationship see no evil in that. Cant say who is wrong and who is right, its situational at times, but no doubts such instances are on an all time high ! is this a problem, or anything just socially less acceptable, or an evil just like many others ?
~ FaCeS of ReLaTiOnShIpS ~
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anilsinghd
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manne tai samajh mein hi na aaya ki key likha tha :O
Relationship is an outcome of any sort of interaction. The interaction can ve visual, verbal, social. Next comes the duration of interaction. All interactions don't lead to relationships. Its like interaction of atoms. Like all atoms act in a well defined manner, we human being also act in a fairly defined manner and then establish relationships. Getting into relationship is not an issue. Major issue is managing a relationship. Lesser is the energy ( or attention) required, longer lasting is the relationship. Relationships which need lots of attention, often lead to fatigue and are doomed to fail. It’s a big topic and loads can be written on this....
RK^2
shashiverma
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Well as far as society is concerned in this context..then I would say we live in a strange world... For instance, take the simple relation between radha-krishan...Just ask people whether they believe that or not....people in our country not only respect but worship that....forget about the picture of god and rest of things and move ahead to discuss the relation with anyone....and I am sure you will find that not even few percent of people try to understand that relation but still blindly worship...and in case they strongly support that kind of relation...ask them can they approve such kind of relations in their present society....i am sure they will kick you out of the place.
So as far as society is concerned.....I would say forget it. No one here cares for the world...people are smart (hindi word is much better ...shayanai) enough to manipulate things as per their convenience.
I think whats more important is whether you yourself approve that or not. If you are strong enough, you can give answer to yourself and ready to take the responsibilities of your action then go ahead. In the present world its just a personal choice. Its like go ahead for.... what you believe in and just stand strong.
As far as right and wrong is concerned....I do not see anything as wrong or right in it...Its merely a choice based on your understanding. There was a time when people used to simply follow the social norms as they were more fair and there was more of freedom in the choices. But today i feel that they are more deterioted and rigid. So its quite obvious that in the present generation people repel from these illogical relations and look for their own ways.
But unfortunately, i do agree that there are whole lot in our present generation as well who just do not understand realtionships and so keep jumping from one to other.
Very well said by RK....you can write pages...
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anilsinghd
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For instance, take the simple relation between radha-krishan...
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ask them can they approve such kind of relations in their present society....i am sure they will kick you out of the place.
You just took my words in this ! This question has haunted me for long , when i have tried asking people (so as to reduce my confusion ), i have been categorised as being out of the world.
My conclusion is : Most dont understand the essence of a relationship.
And my soultion is pretty simple * just seconding Shashi ji on this ), Ask your conscience whether you feel a particular relation as pure and pious, and if the answer is Yes , there is no second opinion.
But today i feel that they are more deterioted and rigid. So its quite obvious that in the present generation people repel from these illogical relations and look for their own ways.
But unfortunately, i do agree that there are whole lot in our present generation as well who just do not understand realtionships and so keep jumping from one to other.
I would personally go for a softer treatment to the present generation ( including me off course ) . I believe this is the that phase in which we are seeing a transition ( some might call it the process of westernization , but i would like to call it liberalization rather ). The inner self is looking for more different sources of seeking solace and in turn churning out new kind of relationship , obviously not approved by the society. But due to the lack of strong will , we are not able to carry through , and hence suffer and make others suffer.
Regarding the Shashi ji comment on the f requent hop by people in relationship , i would be rather protective of the lot on whom that is being commented. IT is a matter of choice after all.I am too lil to analyse the vast realms of human realtionships , i just presented waht i feel !
Very well said by RK....you can write pages...
I just quoted to make the matter a lil concrete and to take forward the discussion. Thanks !
shashiverma
New member
Well I do not know the present discussion is in the frame of the relationship mentioned in the first mail of thread....but anyways...
I totally agree with you Anil. Its probably a phase of transition and I do believe that the need of such changes reflect that there is something surely not right with the present scenario of relationships in our society. Had it been so....people would have never thought of switching to other defintions of relations.
Sometime back I was discussing this with some of my friends and I have found that the most of people who do not want to get into marriage are the one who strongly believe in relationships. (oops if its off...but have to bring it to make the point). But they do not approve the way relationships are being carried in the present society....probabaly there is no meaning in that. In that sense I would say their argument is very much justified. If the relationship do not serve the basic purpose of being in relation than what is the meaning in carrying the tag of relation for the sake of society? Are the social definitions not being created for the happiness of individuals? If so than probably we do need to re-analyse the present form of relationships.
Well by whole lot..... I was referring to the whole lot among those who opt to follow their own ways. The whole idea behind mentioning that was simply the fact that since we agree and support the changes.....we should ensure that we demand changes for the sake of betterment of society. It should not be that since their is something wrong in the present form of relationships we follow something else simply for the sake of change. It should be better than the one we are discarding. If not, than we should look for the ways by which we can improve the existing definitions. I mentioned this because you can see people around who prefer going for different ways for the sake of change (without giving much thought about the way) but ultimately end up frustrated after being into one relation and than other....And finally most of them take turn to accept the easy ways of the society.
So if this is the situation than what is the point in running behind the misleading relations. If you follow them ..than stand by it and let it be proved to the society that you are right. Otherwise do not ask for it. Thats why I said that they jump from one relation to the other.
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What's genuine, n what's ingenuine? What's correct to feel n what's wrong...?? Is relationship bound to be legal....??? Who's to decide all these...!!! Individual who is the pivot to a relation or the society ?
Ofcourse these are complex issues. Relationship is between 2 individuals..no society or any leagal system can create/develop any relation if the individuals aren't willing to do so. Relations develop between individuals based on emotions n feelings, where one belongs to another.
Who's to decide Shweta what's wrong or what's right. And where doesnt lie a problem??? problems lie in legalized or societal approved relations also. It's the individuals themselves to decide the right-n wrongs. Societal norms to an extent are okay, but when they start intruding into your personal preferences and decisions, start becoming a burden and encroaching in your happiness, there's no harm in shedding them off n move ahead with your own head upright. If you yourself have any doubts about anything , you should not go for it. The most important is to be content, satisfied, and feel inner most happiness in anything you do.
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anilsinghd
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That basically sums it up all for me. The day everyone would stop that " Oops ..... " thing to kind of satisfy those people who are avert to " good " change ( Please note the use of the adjective : good ) and concentrate more on the arguments ( in a sense better utilizing one's energy in solving the problem rather than defending the proposed solution ) , we will surely be in a better frame.
I second Shashi ji 's thoughts on the topic , Looking forward to hear from the Author , Shweta !
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anilsinghd
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asuhag
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What a beautiful topic Shweta! Bravo!
Not making meaning out of relationships as probably addressed by a few others, seeing them more in terms of entity relationships describing a LIFE like (DB) schema the topic reminds me of the movie "CRASH".
How signigicant & not so significant relationship (visualize every entity in your life to have a relationship of some sorts with you) unfold with time & circumstances... Simply beautiful!
I also really liked the "Radha-Krishan" analogy by Shashi. Shashi - its a very thoughtful one and how about we have a seperate thread on it altogether?
shashiverma
New member
I think this thread itself may be good enough to move ahead with this Ashish. I am sure the topic raised by Shweta do have enough space to well place this subject as well. Lets see what others have to say.
vikasgulia
New member
This topic is toooo... serious to invoke the contributor in me!!!..yet i could jumble up a few words on this....
Just ask the child in you...Are you happy being in proximity/relation to someone?..If he (child) says "Yes!"..go ahead.embrace the someone and teh world as well...Otherwise ......stick to what societal norms want u to...
Kaisi rahi....
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---"Sometimes even i act serious...gud to realise that...."
Just ask the child in you...Are you happy being in proximity/relation to someone?..If he (child) says "Yes!"..go ahead.embrace the someone and teh world as well...Otherwise ......stick to what societal norms want u to...
Kaisi rahi....
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---"Sometimes even i act serious...gud to realise that...."
That’s the biggest irony Di ! I have observed that people at large, look at the things in the manner they are made to look at, and not in the way they genuinely feel from deep within, just because of the sheer fear of committing a momentous misdeed of not being in conformity with the prescribed societal norms ! Lifestyles have radically changed and so have changed the needs of people and their expectation from the relationships that they live in, but society which gets mum when even a girl is raped by a high profile person, all of a sudden comes to action to beat to death a poor woman on finding her eloping with her lover to escape from the daily atrocities of her husband. The society wants you to be all clean, all good, no frown, no fuss, just modesty must speak up in all your deeds, but no set norm applies to it ! The people who comprise the root of this ‘society’ are humans too and are free to do their will, but when they come into picture wearing the mask of protectors of society, they find it anything different from their viewpoint as anti social. But people, owing to their inner aspirations or desires, indulge into so called anti-social acts, because they know very well that they will be culprits if caught ! Everyone does what he likes, but society still wants to keep its big mouth big, and this behind the back show goes on!
How to strike a balance between societal norms and changing needs ?
I completely agree Neelam ji, with the basic fact that relations can't be formed just by societal pressure, and have their own lane down which many a emotions travel, many a things shape up and eventually comes to existence a tiny plant of relationship, looking forward to grow into a vast tree over the period of time. But, often the society doesnt gives time for such a plant to even come up, and if it comes without consent, its crumpled. I also agree that the society is not at fault always, there are many a people who are ever ready to use the double edged sword of emotions to fulfill their desires which are against societal norms, covering them up with the fake color of emotions ! Nothing works out without proper administration and so is the case with any society. Society made some norms to enable peaceful co-existence of people and mutual gains, but over the time it failed to change its outlook, keeping pace with the changing times! No one party is at fault for the eruptions of problems like relationship failures, an all time high of extra marital affairs, so called casual freindships and the likes. Whats the way out to deal with the ugly aspects of such situations positively ?
I completely agree Neelam ji, with the basic fact that relations can't be formed just by societal pressure, and have their own lane down which many a emotions travel, many a things shape up and eventually comes to existence a tiny plant of relationship, looking forward to grow into a vast tree over the period of time. But, often the society doesnt gives time for such a plant to even come up, and if it comes without consent, its crumpled. I also agree that the society is not at fault always, there are many a people who are ever ready to use the double edged sword of emotions to fulfill their desires which are against societal norms, covering them up with the fake color of emotions ! Nothing works out without proper administration and so is the case with any society. Society made some norms to enable peaceful co-existence of people and mutual gains, but over the time it failed to change its outlook, keeping pace with the changing times! No one party is at fault for the eruptions of problems like relationship failures, an all time high of extra marital affairs, so called casual freindships and the likes. Whats the way out to deal with the ugly aspects of such situations positively ?
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shashiverma
New member
It is true shweta and i completely agree with you.
But I feel the problem is that none of us dare to stand...as you have rightly pointed....
The society we are talking about is nothing more than people like us....Did you stood in support of the lady you are mentioning?..No...neither do I.....behaved nothing more than spectators. But its atleast good that you bothered to think about it today...probably tomorrow we may even dare to speak and fight for what we believe in....Changes never took place in a day....and this will not happen even today...Its a gradual process and will move at its own pace provided we stay committed to our ownself and do not settle for any kind of compromises with our soul for the sake of temporary comforts....Its like if we can clean our houses and surroundings.....society will be automatically taken care.
If you want to enjoy and live with your kind of relationships...then its only you who have to put efforts to stand against everything...watsoever.....nd who said happiness do not have a price tag...No free lunches...so is in life and relations....Buy happiness for your soul..or let it suffocate.
Its all a matter of conviction of one's heart..in the end..
Thats what I feel n the reason is simple."one person cant b there for one n all who desire him/her to be theirs"..so where lies the solution??
Sometimes its hard to negotiate those cheeky turns when you know passing through those will take you to the summit and a small slip and you end up deep down in a gorge..and the dilemma is even bigger when its nt just abt our own life alone..???..Neway the points n counter points are endless...Go on..
Thats what I feel n the reason is simple."one person cant b there for one n all who desire him/her to be theirs"..so where lies the solution??
Sometimes its hard to negotiate those cheeky turns when you know passing through those will take you to the summit and a small slip and you end up deep down in a gorge..and the dilemma is even bigger when its nt just abt our own life alone..???..Neway the points n counter points are endless...Go on..
shashiverma
New member
Senti......yaha kaun senti ho leya GD....
hum sab to saare yaha ghanne khush ho leya....tabhee to serious topic dhondhee hai Shweta...
By not letting them to become ugly. Now yu will say how this ? somewhere yu ve mentioned of extra marital affairs as ppl arent satisfied or happy wid their marriage... I wud say then one shud have that much courage to come out of such a relation and shud keep the one he/she likes....then be it formal or informal, leagally n socially approved or not. Infidelity is wrong... one shud nt do anything about which one can not even assure oneself.
.Problem lies not just in trying to make a stiff decision and arrive at a choice, problem arises when the other person involved takes the relation in a completely different way and is not willing to part away! Imagine a situation where a person with two kids desires a separation and his wife is completely dependant on him and more than that, loves him dearly and is ready for any sort of improvements at her end. And such situations are not just imaginary or just limited to plots of some useless TV serials, it has entered common households! Reasons several, but result one : Immense pain and a lifelong strive to bear the burn of a failed relationship and much more ! And the reason I see behind, besides others, is that people are losing on some very crucial attributes which can take a relation forward amongst sun & shade consistently.
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